Thanks for the comment. I try
Poetry / The Doves Revelation Resurrection
Whilst, the dove in her passion alone,
Dwelled in an earthly form unknown,
Beneath the oceans waters coral crest her throne,
When no peace in the east and the relentless beasts,
Hath earthly domain and havoc released.
His Sodom and Gomorrah filled towers,
Towers once weak – now sin filled power;
Shells of a once glorious hour,
Abandoned, souls used to seek,
Desperately beneath white stars,
Their spirits no longer seeded on the crown,
Shown prone and lying down.
The heavens cried dry tears for years,
The earthly soil now cracked full of fears;
Yet with-in the depth of dense dark sea,
The dove forgiven waited patiently – -
To cleanse the world – - to be set free – -
Rise spirits – - raise stars – - risen towers now fall – -
Raise swords – - demons fall – - your hell now calls – -
Rise lying spirits – of forgotten hours,
Of belief filled suns and bright star showers – -
Stand tall, stand tall the children now call,
For they are the only one’s who see the fall,
And know the one who can end it all.
Their spirits were always seeded in the crown,
Never shown prone or lying down.
So out of the depth of the sea she rose,
And the wind, the ocean, and life now froze,
One single tear fell from the dove’s eye,
Then a hole opened in the sky,
And 14 winged warriors fell from on high.
Their amour golden – the end draws nigh,
The end draws nigh, time to end their lie.
The wind began to stir the air,
And the waves movement now flares,
To spew the power of what it held inside,
Bashing the towers side, with strength of tide – -
And winged mystics touch down on ground – -
To slay every demon – now hell bound – -
Swords burning with an ember glow – -
The hours are breathing slow and low – -
And held the air un-earthly groans,
Of hell’s releasing un-earthly thrones,
And 15 Doves grace the ground and sky,
Revelation………
Revelation……..
Now their spirits re-seeded in the crown,
No longer prone or lying down
Written By DamondQuinn
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poetking reviewed Version 1 -
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i love this poem, what else can one say, just great!
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Randy_Chavarria reviewed Version 1 -
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Damn, that was one of the most provocative things I’ve read all day. This piece mystified me, then embraced me, and carried me along the journey. The biblical, yet modernized, language you use gives it a divinity. I am no critique, but this was an amazing piece. The only thing I have to offer, is to not use real numbers, but to spell them out. I think it looks better.
HeavyMetalMouth reviewed Version 1 -
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Very compulsive reading, and a joy. You should definitely consider publication.
lacreo reviewed Version 1 -
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I certainly appreciate the craft that went into this work. The care in word choice and structure is apparent, and aids to move the reader along. Sometimes a rhyme scheme such as this can get tedious when extended to these lengths, however,your use of a narrative holds the reader’s attention. -good stuff.
trampledpixie reviewed Version 1 -
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This gave me goosebumps. Firstly, it’s a topic that I absolutely adore. Secondly, you used an archaic vocabulary that worked so wonderfully well. Thirdly…oh, the imagery! The events are vague and, at the same time, blatantly obvious if you’re even remotely up on your Judeo-Christian lore, and my imagination played two scenes at once: the first being creation at the very beginning of time, and the second being the events in Revelation at the end of things as we know them. There is no absolute destruction and no clear evidence of rebirth beyond, “Now their spirits re-seeded in the crown….” I love it.
I also found it fascinating that you had the dove being not only female but beneath the waters of the sea. That is no place for any dove, but you do make it clear that her ‘earthly form [is] unknown.’ This opens so many possibilities. But, I wonder, what is she being punished for?
Beautiful work! I hope to see more from you!
Butterflyaway reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow. I am new at this, but enjoyed it very much. I loved the way it flowed, especially, the part on page one….from..”rise spirits”-“forgotten hours.”
Butterflyaway
alissakokey reviewed Version 1 -
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Very unique rhyming and repetition ability. Love the nature and religious metaphors. Very beautiful and visual. The 4th verse is my favorite it is very visual and melodic – pulling the reader in deep. Great read.
missunique45 reviewed Version 1 -
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Rise spirits – – raise stars – – risen towers now fall – –
Raise swords – – demons fall – – your hell now calls –
So out of the depth of the sea she rose,
And the wind, the ocean, and life now froze, (the lines above Wow very creative.)
the end draws nigh, (the repeative use of this line doesn’t make the point stronger, I think it could be omitted)
And winged mystics touch down on ground – (try this line with down on deleted)
now hell bound – – (delete now)This poem was well written, tells a story easy to follow however i believe it could be better with just a little reviseing of the lines as I suggest, others could use just a little to give a move flowing beat. Excellent piece very strong and thought provoking.
RitaStorry reviewed Version 1 -
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I think that you have a lot of talent and enjoyed reading your piece. I felt as though you were conveying a struggle. If this was not your intention, you may wish to review.
Overall I believe that you have a great deal of talent and this is defiantely publishable, if it isn’t already!
Note; you may want to reduce the number of rankings required as that won’t give you an accurate assesment.
Mwah!
C. Anne
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