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Poetry / His boots
For the last eight nights I have dreamt of his sheepskin boots. Every night I wear his boots.
His boots hugging my feet and calves and I can feel his body heat still trapped in the fibres. Sometimes I am doing mundane things; sometimes things are bloodbright and flash by too fast for more than muscle shock.
I am walking through every room in my house, moving things from here to there and then again and sheepskin trim is brushing my legs with each step.
I am clawing my way up a never ending sand dune, falling and sliding with hot sand in my eyes my nose my throat oh god can’t breath grains shifting through wool to scratch at my feet.
I am jumping in the gutter as rainwater rushes by me, waves crashing against his boots and staining them dark as the water pushes into wide living streams.
Every day I wake up with toasty warm feet and every day it’s a surprise when the cold bleeds into my skin where I have kicked off the covers.
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Lin reviewed Version 1 -
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Your poem has great ‘feel.’ I feel that it needs pruning & reworking. Some attention to layout would help. I took your poem to WORD went thru & trimmed off a few connectives & repetitions, something you could easily do too. Your poem mentions tactile impressions but not the smell or sounds of the boots on different surfaces. As you why he’s not there is perhaps somewhere you don’t want to go, or something for another poem, or series? You could allude to such things if you cared & that would make your poem even more interesting.
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alwyzripped reviewed Version 1 -
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ok this was really good till the close you begin with speaking about boots
and close with feet kick off the covers how about kicke of the boots from the night before?
EAnonymous reviewed Version 1 -
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Good poem! I like the idea of wearing someone’s shoes in your dreams to represent missing them. I also love the dream aspect. I think you could make this even better by supplying a bit more dream-imagery that doesn’t directly relate to the boots. These boots are the metaphor that holds this together, but that’s (almost) all there is here. Lovely, though. :)
mash reviewed Version 1 -
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The last line is haunting and ties the theme up with a red bow. This is my favorite type of work, asymetrical – but balanced and well written. It may sound petty when I say this, as the subject is “his boots” but it would add more dimension if I knew what kind of boots, or if another word could be substituted for boots in a few places. Shit-kickers, waders, galoshes, just something to break it up. Good work, though.
andymo1984 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a good start. However, I feel that it is unclear what you are trying to do. Are you relating this to anything other than the dream? Is there a hidden, higher meaning? I feel as though there is a hints of something more, but at the same time, what you read does not leave anything else there.
The last line however, is fantastic.
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