Poetry / she told me it was alright to think like that...

At the beggining of the poem I wasn’t sure what you were talking about, as you stated on the first line. But the sentence that really cleared it up for me was:
“am i actually somewhere in your thought process, or do i make a home in the palm of your hand?” I understood that someone had used you.I completely understand where you are coming from, personally. Also my favorte line in the poem is ” chicken soup for the heart (the soul is full)”, I don’t know I just found it funny.

pyrodin322

i really enjoy reading your writing…its a breath of fresh (and original) air after streaming through most of the rubbish that appears in my review queue. thanks for the momentary break from ordinary :)

very appealing very how you feel.  its very you i could say its not a bad way to express it but i could say worthy of a book!!

I like your references to things people can relate to, it makes it easier to follow your point of view. When you talk about the stage of lust and infatuations, that hits a soft spot for me, its something I also have written about. Its amazing how you say “a bad dream with a twist of real life endings” Because you start out thinking life will have a fairy tail ending, but find out later how it really goes.
Other than that, I think you do understand it more than others because it is so personal. But its a great poem.

_N

This is outrageous. I see deep, personal meaning here. Whatever it was that happened, I wish you the best, if it is really personal. My thoughts are overwhelming and hard to describe, yet I understand on a figurative side. I definitely think this can be publishable material. Only thing I see wrong is figuring out a structure for it, unless you plan on leaving as is. Either way, it is quite a meritorious piece. Great use of vivid imagery to portray thoughts as well.

first 4 lines i think are fantastic. i totally dig this stream of thoughts, this is the kind of stuff i like to read on my spare time. i think you could have stunted the growth on this baby though, it would have given it more of a punch, and the last line is cliche to me, with the “sunnier days.”  throughout the whole poem your throwing all these really interesting statements and images, i read it real fast and felt satisfied, but then i had to read it again for that kick, which is nice. just for me, the last line doesn’t reflect the poem as a whole.  

would love to read more of yours. lovely work.

This was a challenge to review. I get the stream concept but in defense of understanding which would lead to better appreciation I would like to revisit this broken down.

I could see where you say that you are probably the only one that would get this and that was not a deterrent to me because usually I can relate to a piece in my own way. However, I don’t get it. I think that there is much to relate to if it could be more readable.  

If you have not already published, or begun to publish your own book, and you have a lot of poetry of this quality, you are ready to get this going.  You wrote to someone.  That intimacy in poetry is powerful and sellable.  I would buy it and cherish it, reading it when I needed my spitit lifted or my passions purged.
The greatest poets, throughout history wrote intimately to individuals, as well as to the world at large.  That is a bardic quality and is as pure as it gets.  Keep on writing as passionately as you did this piece.  I don’t often give tens for every category listed.  I did in your case, because, even though I recognise this as simply a rough draft, I know you will perfect it to it’s beautiful form.
Candace

Even though you wrote, ‘it isn’t supposed to make any sense to anyone but me’ I took your words into word & juggled them around & came up with

So there you go constantly questioning
  wasting time crying about priorities,
  decorating your life with cheap memories.
Your sweet lips speak of vague intentions,  
  but lucky charms can’t get past the pure lust.
I see mould growing on this ceiling.