Poetry / The Act of Realization
I recounted the days you were away
backwards, clockwise, forward, north, south, east and west.
Measuring the distance
in miles, minutes, missed calls, and inconsistencies.
The balancing act of
here, now, then, there and maybe.
It takes all of this to realize I never meant more or anything at all.
The cautious way you stare across tables
and tremble with those difficult string of words.
The ‘I’m sorry’s slur out
as ‘what I should of done differently’,
and the ‘I loves you’ slip into actions,
but there’s no action
where it counts, where it hurts, where it twists and turns.
You can only get what you put in,
but what if you pay it in progress,
and end up with nothing at all?
I dance with this question to a subtle waltz
and feed its inquiry with the subtle glances of second-guess mistakes.
I wish I knew the difference in these moments of solitude and desperation;
the change in notions, hints, and passive gestures.
Nothing:
makes my thoughts click,
makes my heart stop,
makes these awkward moments have consequence.
I turn to you with a hand full of lies,
anything to bring you to the foot of my bed,
anything to make you say it again and again.
I like to watch you squirm,
see the paranoia take its toll;
as I’m trying to find the fortune to change my bad habits,
seeking vices to rescue what I was from your grasp.
I’m still out there somewhere,
trying to find the parts of me you let me leave behind,
I’m still searching for that meaning,
behind your tongue-tied smirk and your off course eyes.
If your care were at the magnitude that you paint,
you would be here
now,
then,
and back again.
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I really like your use of language. Your poem flows nicely, and your choice of words is perfect. You seem to know the right things to say in the right amount of words. I especially liked the opening stanza, it really drew me in. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
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There are lots of great descriptive phrases here, descriptions of changing moods…the meanings are not entirely clear to me, but you definitely have set an emotional mood…kind of a despondency…trying to analyze the past relationship with someone you wish were there with you now…
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