Haiku/Senryu / CAN A BULLET CUT ?

i simply don’t get this one. the language seems too uncaptivating for me to care too. sorry, just being honest!

it seems indeducible.

I want to  like this, but as a military veteran, I can’t. I know that your heart is in the right place, and perhaps I am missing some subtle twist-away back-flip between the title and verse. Even so my quibbles are mostly technical and not literary, and are as follows. Most slugs(the projectile part of the bullet that leaves the barrel of the firearm) are intentionally designed to rip and tear, not cut. You first line reminded me of helicopter blades, but then I remembered, that you probably meant dense like bullet lead. Middle line, confused again by the conjugation of forbearing. Replace it with “withholding”, and you will see what I mean. The last line, also deep martial tech, but I feel you wanted to convey an emotional state that doesn’t ring true to this foot soldier. In all, this disengaged my attention flow too many times to accomplish the mission of Haiku/senryu, which is to illustrate a moment in nature or human events. You got the 5-7-5 right though, so you must know what you are doing, just I suspect, not why you are doing it.    

The subject you’ve picked is really interesting and you have some neat imagery going on: blades, hearts, cut.  

That said, I have some thoughts about other word choices: justice and forebearing don’t seem quite right to me; true, guns can be used for purposes involving justice, but they can also be used for so much more….I feel as if justice is too specific and limiting somehow; although forebearing does mean withdrawing or uninvolved, so is a negative (which is one way to go), I wonder if it’s strong enough of a descriptor for your purposes. Suggestion:

line 1: dense violent blades
line 2: cold hearts with voracious love

Just a thought…...

Enjoyed this, though!  Got more?

I love the look at the justice system.  I think it may be a bit idealized, but the form and message are good.  I don’t think i’d use love or pure when speaking of our justice system ;)  Nice senryu!

Forebearing is not a word. Furthermore if it were to be a word I don’t think “cold hearts with forebearing love” makes much sense. I’m not really sure where the title comes into play, but this doesn’t quite fit together for me. Consider: everyone feels pain. If you are trying to legitimate it you should attempt to present it in a way that is not conventional/obvious.

I don’t know how I feel about this…very controversial.

I believe you mean “forbearing”. Otherwise, a dicey Haiku

Remove the CApsLocks for a start (just an aesthetic thing) and maybe think about the context. When you go for a context and you only have a short amount of syllables like in Haiku I suggest you try to avoid polarizing it: that is to use stereotypical terms. If you are going after a certain feel sometimes it is not fore filling just to use certain terms as it can seem hollow.

If you can create a scene with only three words then that is great… but, but if you can achieve this with the same meaning but with imagery then it is going to have a longer lasting impact on the responder. Remember that you will always remember a picture easier then a few emotional but ironically shallow stereotypical terms as it doesn’t give the responder any gauge into the depth of the said item.

Another great technique for Haiku is to be able to provide a running juxta pose of imagery, along the way.