Thanks for your advice
Action Adventure / Worlds Apart (Fantasy, Action Adventure
Synopsis:
Nathan and Sheena were happily married and very wealthy, living the dream, when they decided to buy a new house. Little did they know that this decision would change their lives in a horrifying and hellish way, as the house was built with a hidden doorway that led to countless worlds and one of them was a beast world where a leader was named Gylus. Gylus had powers and one of them was the power to see into all worlds and then he spotted Sheena. Nathan found his wife snatched from his world and it was his job to get her back, but first he has to enlist the help of Conan warriors from the Ethan Realm, but Nathan was soon to discover that the future of his wife and all worlds would rest upon his shoulders alone.
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE – A PART OF CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 9
Nathan walked from the hall charged up and ready to do battle with a whole army of Ethan warriors if he had to, as the memory of the beasts fuelled him.
He couldn’t believe the Ethan King and Queen were lax enough to expect him to wait considering the circumstances. To him it was unforgivable.
He was led from the hall, back to his room where he stood at the window and looked out at the strange world he now found himself in.
The apparent beauty of it was lost to him and his expression was set dry in thought.
“Nathan” hailed a sudden male voice behind him where he looked over his shoulder to see Tarrock at the door, appearing fit and well with no evidence of his injuries.
Nathan turned around fully, blinking in surprise as Tarrock walked across the room towards him with a warm smile on his face.
“My Brother…” he said, extending his hand, prompting Nathan to extend his which Tarrock, clutched right up to the elbow in a firm grip.
Nathan’s expression broke into a grin as he eyed his friend from head to toe. The warrior was now dressed in battle armour, towering with evident strength.
“You look amazingly well?”
Tarrock released Nathan’s hand
“It is you I have that to thank for…I owe you my life” said Tarrock, his eyes now serious as he looked into Nathan’s eyes with deep gratitude
Nathan felt warmed as he eyed the warrior.
“I’m just glad I was there when I was…” said Nathan, who then stood back and eyed his friend again from head to toe as his expression became baffled “but wait a minute…the last time I saw you, you were flat out…as weak as a kitten…. and cut really badly…”
“Our healing remedies are very powerful” explained Tarrock “if it were not so…our battle would have already been lost”
Nathan’s expression sobered as a million questions scrambled for precedence in his mind, regarding the beasts, their world…. ….how long they had fought the beasts…..etc, etc, etc.
Tarrock’s expression also sobered.
“I have heard of your challenge ahead and have come to assist…” He stated “we must make good use of time for your preparation….”
Nathan drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly as his expression became reflective.
“That Bryac looks pretty tough…”
“He is so, …” said Tarrock “but you may prove his match, before the night is done…. Come….”
The tall warrior turned and headed towards the door. Nathan followed him …and was led to a courtyard that was isolated and surrounded by lush bushes. The red ball of the sun was now setting and its rays…. shimmered against the bubble, way up ahead…. casting a burnish glow down upon the Ethan realm.
Tarrock strode over to a wall and withdrew two long, deadly looking swords from a scabbard that lined the wall. Hilt upon hilt rested within easy each.
Tarrock handed Nathan one of the swords then he turned and took a few steps forward but then suddenly he swung around with a guttural cry, his teeth bared, whilst swinging his sword up high above his head, which he then swept down with a mighty stroke.
Nathan raised his sword instinctively and met the sword crossways in mid-air before it could reach his head.
He then stared at Tarrock with a stunned expression on his face and with eyes that stared wide at the warrior who then smiled as he lowered his sword and straightened.
“You have good reflexes” he commented, appearing oblivious to Nathan’s shock despite the fact that Nathan continued to remain frozen for several seconds, rooted to the spot, with his sword held high, as his expression remained stunned.
Jesus! Thought Nathan, who then lowered his sword and eyed Tarrock with a frown. He wanted to comment on the fact that he had almost been scared shitless but he held his tongue. Instead he breathed in deeply, trying to steady his nerves as he faced Tarrock, whose Conan looks were now proven to be matched with strength. He wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t caught the blade.
“This is but play…” explained Tarrock “but I will test you well…. for tomorrow Bryac will not let light your task….”
He then set his legs widely apart as he braced himself with sword at the ready.
Nathan felt his nerves tighten at the threatening stance, made worse by Tarrock’s awesome size, but nevertheless, he followed suite. Tarrock then brought one leg forward and swiped his sword across, causing the wind to rush against the blade. Nathan dodged back and parried it, with a loud clash of metal. Tarrock then swung all the way around and brought the sword straight down the middle, just slow enough for Nathan to bat the blade back before Tarrock brought another foot forward and swiped upwards, where Nathan just managed to skit back away from it.
“Now attack” urged Tarrock.
Attack? Thought Nathan, who’s heart lurched at the fact that he was barely able to defend himself.
Attack He repeated as he took a steadying breath. Ok…here goes
Nathan swung his sword across the middle that Tarrock batted away easily, the force of his stroke enough to have toppled a lighter man. Nathan dodged away from a return stroke, that came up from the side, then he jabbed forward causing Tarrock to step back before he came forward to lay down a heavy stroke to the right that almost took off Nathan’s arm.
My God… thought Nathan this is for real and the fact of this made adrenalin rush through his veins that brought upon a surge of alertness, as he played upon his instincts and strength.
His days of circuit training and weight lifting in the gym now came as a godsend as he was able to at least hold his own against Tarrock, whose attack became fiercer and fiercer. Nathan was also able to move fluidly, his body having been made supple by years of martial art training which he had been teaching for years. Without the combination, he would have been a sure goner as Tarrock’s brute strength proved relentless.
“FASTER” shouted Tarrock as his sword clashed against Nathan’s
Gritting his teeth, Nathan made every effort to comply as he stepped back then drove forward again.
“FASTER” repeated Tarrock again after a few moments as he increased his pace with awesome skilful adeptness, forcing Nathan to muster within himself every ounce of his energy as he parried Tarrock’s relentless blade with his own that caused sparks to fly.
FASTER
Sweat broke on Nathan’s forehead, everything going by in a whirl but then suddenly he found himself holding thin air as Tarrock skilfully batted the sword from his grip.
Nathan frowned, from an overwhelming feeling of panic and wretchedness as he staggered on his feet breathing heavily. He could not afford to loose, not even in practice, Sheena life depended on him winning.
“Fear not my friend – for you fight well….” Said Tarrock, slapping his hand upon Nathan’s shoulder.
Nathan could barely conceal his misery as he turned away from Tarrock and went over to retrieve his sword.
He turned to face the hulking warrior and Nathan’s eyes were filled with determination.
“What did you just do?” he asked tightly
“Ah.” said Tarrock “I will show you”
Sometime later Nathan staggered on his feet with exhaustion, as the sword hung limply in his hand.
Tarrock took the sword from his hand
“Come…let us sit…” he suggested.
Nathan followed Tarrock over to a stone bench and sat down heavily as sweat soaked his clothes and drenched his face.
Tarrock on the other hand had only a slight sheen of sweat on his face and seemed full of energy.
“You have fought well” he stated
Nathan turned his head and eyed the warrior dubiously,
“You can say that?” he asked, unable to help being un-nerved by the warrior’s evident vigour
Tarrock turned squarely to his friend.
“You are swift…” he stated “use this against Bryac…. Your movements also differs from ours…use that as an element of surprise…”
Nathan leaned forward, with his elbows resting on his upper knees and ran his hands over his head with both his hands as he tried to hold his features firm from showing the sudden anguish that filled him.
Tomorrow he had to beat Bryac who was known to be one of the best, when Tarrock who was average, was able to beat him hands down.
So how the HELL am I going to beat Bryac?
“In battle, the greater cause can help to sway the outcome…you have great purpose in your efforts…this I am sure will help” said Tarrock
Nathan’s expression convulsed in misery as he thought about how important the fight was tomorrow.
“Right now…. I’m wondering what she must be going through…I just hope that she’s still alive…”
Tarrock placed a hand on Nathan’s shoulder
“They would not kill a female so hastily,” he stated assuredly.
Nathan wiped a hand across his face as a groan escaped his lips.
“Do you know what Elic told me?” said Nathan, his voice now brimming with emotion “he told me that Gylus…THAT MONSTER has chosen my wife as a mate…would you believe that…?”
Tarrock’s eyes widened in surprise
“Then this is good….” He stated, causing Nathan to instantly frown as he turned around to look at Tarrock with incredulous eyes “no my friend…” said Tarrock quickly shaking his head “my meaning… stems from the fact that Gylus will not touch her until the 11th day…”
Nathan stared at Tarrock, his expression blanking as Tarrock suddenly smiled.
“You see…if she is to become his true mate…he must wait to see who challenges him before he can claim her permanently…but he is far stronger than any of the others…they would never dare to test him…”
“You mean she hasn’t been harmed?” said Nathan, his expression now wondrous
“We have time” filled in Tarrock
Nathan almost smiled as relief washed over him but the smile was subdued as he thought about tomorrow.
On a grimace he scratched his head.
Tarrock expression also sobered as he too thought of the task Nathan had at hand.
“Come” said Tarrock standing to his feet “you must rest…. so tomorrow you will have strength anew…”
Nathan stood to his feet, whilst massaging his sword arm that now ached.
Tarrock looked down at it.
“Soak well for your muscles sake” he advised
“I sure will….” Said Nathan, knowing full well the stiffness saw muscles could produce.
“You will also need curative measures, which I will arrange.” Said Tarrock
“Thanks” said Nathan somewhat glumly
Tarrock followed him back to his room then the hulking warrior quickly showed him where clothes, towels and other supplies were kept behind hidden panels on the wall. He was also shown what the Ethans use to clean their teeth and shave. There was also a cloth deposit that would be collected and laundered. Nathan would never have known to look, as the wall was seamless but for small tabs positioned 2 metres up.
Tarrock then showed him ointments in a jars, that he advised Nathan to rub on his arms to ease their ache.
Nathan was very grateful and he made this known as he faced the Warrior.
“And thanks for the training….”
“You don’t have to thank me” stated Tarrock solemnly “your quest is now my quest…. which will not be swayed by tomorrow’s outcome”
Touched by his meaning, Nathan was so warmed that he extended his arm, which Tarrock, clutched right up to the elbow in a firm grip.
“Thank you” said Nathan in heartfelt gratitude.
Tarrock nodded.
“Remember” said Tarrock as both men lowered their arm “tomorrow you will be judged by your willingness to attack…not defend………use whatever means to keep Bryac on the defence…”
Nathan nodded as he breathed in deeply.
Tarrock looked at Nathan intently
“Do not underestimate yourself, …” he told Nathan
Nathan couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s astuteness.
“I’ll try not to” he said
Tarrock smiled too.
“Good” he said affirmatively. “I will leave you now…. and see you at first light”
Nathan nodded
After Tarrock had left, Nathan quickly removed his clothing and placed them in the washing compartment. He needed them fresh for tomorrow although he was sure they would again become sweaty before the day was done.
Slipping into the deep pool, which temperature was just right, he sighed.
Little had he known when he had sought to help a tortured, dying man, that he would have made a friend by doing so. It felt good to know that he had such an ally by his side.
Your quest is now my quest…. which will not be swayed by tomorrow’s outcome
Tarrock’s words now warmed Nathan all the more, to know that he wouldn’t have to go it alone, if he were to loose the fight tomorrow but it also made him feel even more determined. Two against a whole army of those monsters would be tantamount to suicide and he didn’t wish that for either himself or Tarrock.
I’m gonna have to win thought Nathan fervidly as his mind dwelled upon Sheena
But at least she’s safe….for now.
*
Frozen in mind and body, Sheena knew that her life was now held in the balance, as pain, misery, suffering…. death and all the horrors of hell… lay claim upon her time…which it clamoured for behind the cell door. The cell would soon be filled…
Sheena squeezed her eyes shut for a second as she imagined their heavy bodies squeezing and grabbing for her. It looked as though it could happen at any second, as they hammered at the door more violently, frustration whipping them up into a maddened frenzy.
It was amazing that the door still held, as it shuddered against their onslaught although it did nothing to mute the sound of their rumbling snarls and wild roars of rage.
In her cell, everything was still except for tears that rolled unchecked down her cheeks but she was too stiff with fear to wipe them away.
Like juicy meat to slavering dogs, her fear tantalised them, so near they could almost taste it and yet so far.
Sheena opened her eyes and then found herself pinned down by 2 hellish eyes that fired at her shots of pure menace, through the bared opening.
Unable to look away, she was held trapped, trapped in a nightmare beyond nightmares, as time stood still.
There was only horror now; she was blind to everything else.
*
A voice from afar, filtered through Nathan’s subconscious mind, which he was reluctant to grasp, as the weight of sleep pressed down upon him.
“Come my friend….” said a voice.
Nathan groaned and screwed up his face but then suddenly he jack-knifed up in bed as total awareness hit him like a leaded punch.
Resounding in shock, he found himself staring at Tarrock’s tall towering form.
He smiled at Nathan who groggily looked around the room, which was still shadowed with the night.
“The sun will soon arise…you must prepare” he said
Nathan got slowly out of bed, with a sick feeling in his stomach, as thoughts of the challenge filled his head.
“I have brought you nourishment….” said Tarrock, pointing to a tray on the table.
“Thanks…” said Nathan, not even bothering to look.
Staggering slightly, he walked over to the pool, lay flat on his stomach then dunked his head completely in, before coming up with a gasp.
Tarrock watched him as he stood to his feet and ran his hands through his wet hair.
“You must focus your mind on a positive outcome…this will strengthen your resolve…” he said
“Believe me Tarrock…the outcome’s gonna have to be positive…” said Nathan with stoic dryness. He then took a towel and dried his face.
Tarrock nodded, not willing to perceive any other outcome either.
Nathan sat down to his meal.
“I was told that there’s another man from earth here…”
“That is so…” said Tarrock who too sat down opposite.
Nathan noted something in Tarrock’s expression that made him suspect that he didn’t like the man in question.
“What’s his name? And when did he get here?” asked Nathan
“He is of no significance” said Tarrock “you must not dwell upon him…”
“Why do you say that?” asked Nathan, somewhat taken aback by that statement.
“He lacks all strength of character…and has caused much strife among our people…”
“In what way?” Asked Nathan with a frown
“It is a long story…. which cannot be told now….” said Tarrock “
Nathan frowned, as his mind filled with question and upon question about the man from his own world.
How and when did he get here?
“at least tell me his name” asked Nathan
“It is Gizzarmo, …” said Tarrock dryly
“Gizzarmo!” exclaimed Nathan in shock
It can’t be
“Do you know him?” asked Tarrock with a frown.
“Not personally” said Nathan “but I may have heard of him”
“He is not like you, …” stated Tarrock
“What do you mean…”
“He is of small frame…. and of weak character… Your fight…. is due to what he lacks…”
Nathan stared at Tarrock, openly confused.
“Do not dwell upon such as he now..….” Said Tarrock allaying his questions “all will be explained in time”
Nathan signed then nodded. Tarrock was right…. he had more important things to think about now and the thought of it brought a solemnest to his features.
GOD…I have to win he thought fervently as his mind shied away from all possibility of defeat and yet the memory of Bryac played havoc with his confidence.
I will win… He told himself with more determination he had ever felt in his whole life.
Tarrock’s expression was also grave.
“You must prime yourself well….” He advised after a few moments “Come….”
Tarrock stood swiftly to his feet, a towering hulk of bulging muscles. “Time is short”
Nathan quickly got dressed then followed Tarrock back out into the courtyard. The sun had not yet arisen and the area was lit with glowing lamps.
A cool wind blew, causing the force field to shimmer up above, where a kaleidoscope of colours reflected down upon the courtyard, lighting the whole area in a rich tapestry of colours. The sight was breathtaking, but as Nathan confronted Tarrock, the beauty of it was lost as though it didn’t exist.
Tarrock gripped his sword with both hands and rounded on Nathan slowly, his whole demeanour primed to do battle.
“When you fight…you must become one with your enemy…” he said
Nathan too gripped his sword with both hands and adopted a battle stance as he slowly matched Tarrock’s steps.
“Do not waver for a second nor think beyond the moment…your enemies thoughts…must become your thoughts…”
Tarrock suddenly lunged forward and whipped his sword down to the left with lightening speed, which Nathan caught just in time but then suffered another onslaught as Tarrock quickly stepped back and brought him sword upwards from the middle.
Nathan just about had time to bat it away.
Tarrock suddenly backed away then suddenly he brought his foot forward and began to wield his sword in his hand left and right with a flick of his wrist, causing the blade to sing in the air. Like a chair leader with a baton, Tarrock’s skilfully spun his sword around with a loose flick of his wrist causing the blade to whirl in the air, from his right and left side, so fast it blurred. He then spun his sword up above his head, then back down, before he turned towards Nathan, who stared, amazed at his adeptness as a sick feeling came over him.
“Do not despair my friend…. for this is merely show…” reassured Tarrock who walked towards Nathan as he continued to wield his sword with lightening speed. Suddenly Tarrock’s sword broke sequence and came forward towards Nathan who jumped back whilst batting away the blade that seemed to come out of nowhere.
Tarrock again began to wield the blade, above his head, then to the left and right as he rounded on Nathan who was now primed and somewhat heartened by the fact that he had managed to catch the first blade. He was surprising himself at his skill, considering that the only weapon he was used to using were pogo sticks.
He again managed to parry Tarrock’s attack that had appeared from the whirl of metal that sung in the wind from Tarrock’s masterful play.
“He will use this to confuse you… but only regard what comes fourth…nothing more…”
Nathan kept his eyes keenly on the whirling blade as he primed himself
“Your purpose must be….” Said Tarrock advancing forward “to stop this show…. AND ATTACKKKKK…”
“Nathan rushed forward and the sound of metal sung as both men’s blade clashed causing sparks to fly. More sounds of metal rung in the air as both men danced a warrior’s dance of battle until Tarrock suddenly broke away.
“Good” he said, lowering his sword “now imagine that you are blind…. unable to move accept for the sword in your hand… close your eyes…”
Nathan caught his breath, then breathed in deeply as he stared at his friend. Nathan then closed his eyes as he wondered what was going to happen next. With his eyes now closed, he felt vulnerable despite his trust in Tarrock.
“Let your awareness sharpen” said Tarrock in a soft soothing voice.
Nathan breathed in as his sense off alertness peaked. The whirling sound of Tarrock’s blade was suddenly heard.
“Imagine that I am Bryac…You can feel and sense my every movement with every breath you take…”
Nathan breathed in deeply as he imagined the tall hulking warrior who he had seen in the throne room. Tensing visibly, he gripped his sword tightly
The whirling sound of the blade, coupled with the vision of Bryac in his mind sharpened his senses to battle alertness as every fibre of him was fuelled with a surge of determination.
“You must muster every ounce of your instinct,” said Tarrock, who continued to whirl his sword, the sound of it sharp to Nathan’s ears.
Suddenly Nathan heard a moment of silence, enough for him to lift his blade up to the right with a sweep.
The clash of metal was heard as two swords met.
Nathan opened his eyes and stared at Tarrock with shocked eyes. Tarrock too stared, now standing mere inches from Nathan.
A grin gradually broke on Tarrock’s face.
“Instinct…” he stated “You must remember this…. as it will serve you well”
Nathan breathed in, as confidence filled his chest.
*
Some moments later, he lay, facing downwards, on a narrow bed as his back was pummelled by a strong pair of hands. The masseur, a tall warrior dressed in a purple tunic, worked in silence, which was good, as Nathan hummed his mind towards what lay ahead. He foresaw his own strength and brutality against his enemy. He foresaw Bryac being driven back by a flurry of blows that allowed Nathan to advance mercilessly.
The muscles in Nathan’s jaw tensed as his expression became more and more fired.
He had no time for this and he wanted to get it over and done with. He would end it quick.
I will he thought, almost saying the words aloud.
**
Breathing in deeply. Nathan stood by a large open doorway that led out to a passageway. Beyond that passageway lay the arena.
Tarrock stood with him, appearing as though he was about to meet the challenge himself. Neither of them spoke.
Outside, the day was now bright…, the morning now past by 2 hours. The spectators were out there, waiting….
Wearing his leather biker gear, Nathan gripped his sword. He had the choice of wearing the Ethan realm armour but had declined. He’s own clothes were worn in to suit his fit and movements and he needed that, he needed to feel as comfortable as possible.
Unconsciously wielding the sword in his arm, his expression was set with concentration.
This was it…… he knew it and felt it in every fibre of his being.
“Remember to base your fight on instincts” said Tarrock, his voice invading Nathan’s train of thoughts “Even…” he continued “if you have to forget everything I taught you… Every battle is different…. atone your skill to match…”
Nathan nodded as he breathed in, then he breathed out slowly, practicing the calming exercises he had so painstakingly taught his karate and judo classes. Despite being a black belt in Karate and judo and a multitude of other martial art styles, never had he thought that he would ever face a real life combat, where a life would hang in the balance from its outcome. His previous fights had been nothing but play compared to what he faced now… but he was prepared, more prepared than he had ever been prepared about anything in his life.
Two warriors walked down the pathway towards the open doorway, their expressions almost vacant as they headed towards Nathan.
Nathan knew, without being told, that it was time… time to face his opponent Bryac.
“You must come this way” ordered one of the men, in a tone that brook no argument.
Tarrock slapped a hand on Nathan’s shoulder
“Fight well my Brother…”
Nathan nodded, his expression grave and solemn although set with determination as he briefly met Tarrock’s eyes.
Tarrock stood back, then watched as Nathan followed the two warriors out, down the pathway.
“God’s well” he said aloud, which was the Ethan’s way of saying good luck.
**
For a moment, Nathan’s eyes were blinded by the glare of sudden light from the sun, but gradually his eyes adjusted until he became aware that like the days of Rome, he was entering an arena were spectators sat on rows and rows of seats that surrounded the arena as a climbing circular stairway that led up to tiers of balconies where Nathan could see the heads of more spectators
As he stepped out upon the dusty, sun baked ground of the colossus round stadium, all eyes were upon him and him alone.
A hum from the crowd was heard and a buzz was felt in the air…a buzz of anticipation and excitement.
Nathan’s features clenched almost fiercely as he looked around him at the surrounding spectators. It irked him to know that they were probably deriving pleasure from his challenge and viewed it as entertainment.
DAWN THEM he thought, feeling even more fired up.
The two Conan-like warriors that had escorted him out turned and faced him with stoical features.
“You can maim but not kill” explained one of them,
“There are no other rules….” Filled in the other
“But you must not speak…. or give any reference to our King and Queen…”
“When they enter…you must bow and lower your eyes ground wards”
Nathan stared blankly ahead, his features set like concrete as his mind blankly took in what they were saying.
None of it mattered to him and he didn’t want to waste time even acknowledging their presence. All he thought about was Bryac…Bryac…Bryac…Bryac…
Suddenly a strange twinning sound was heard from a Celestial sounding instrument, which made the crowd suddenly hush.
Nathan felt his heart beat faster as he looked up and saw movement high up on the podium where they were 2 grand looking seats, much larger than the rest.
It was obvious to Nathan that it was the thrones of the King and Queen, who suddenly came from around the back, appearing awesomely majestic, even from where he stood down below.
They were matching white togas, trimmed with gold that matched their crowns, crowns that glinted in the sunlight. The crowd all stood to their feet as the King and Queen took their seats, then the twinning sound was heard again where they the whole crowd bowed in unison.
Nathan knew that he was expected to bow to, which he did reluctantly. At the moment in time, he had no deference for the Ethan people, especially towards the King and Queen. Tarrock was the only one he favoured.
As Nathan straightened he faced the Ethan world’s monarchy with defiance as they appraised him with their heads aloft with an air of dignity and aloofness that was familiar the world over.
They seemed to be waiting for something to happen. Nathan stood for a few minutes, and then frowned, wondering what would happen next. He was beginning to feel stupid just standing around.
WHERE IS HE? Wondered Nathan who looked around him, but then he suddenly jerked fully around as he saw Bryac standing about 20 yards away, appearing like a statue.
Nathan stared at him taken aback by his sudden appearance then his heart began to race uncontrollably, to know that the moment was at hand.
He looked a lot bigger than Nathan remembered even from a distance appearing like a Goliath, with muscles straining from his battle armour that looked as though he had been born wearing it. He stood no less than 6.7 if not 7 foot and his sun bronzed skin highlighted his hair that was flaxen like gold, worn cut short at the sides and long at the back, pulled back in a ponytail.
Nathan tensed knowing he would need every ounce of his wits, courage and strength to defeat such a component.
I will have to do it said Nathan to himself with iron resolve, but then he frowned again as he stared at the warrior, who had not moved a muscle.
Why is he just standing there? Wondered Nathan, whose frown was broad enough for most of the spectators to see, even from a distance.
Not wanting to appear as though he was hesitating, Nathan stepped forward towards Bryac and as soon as he did so, Bryac suddenly came to life and stepped forward too, almost like a machine having been activated.
Nathan felt a rush of pure adrenalin through his veins as his whole world centred upon the approaching warrior.
He knew this was going to be the greatest battle of his life but he was ready.
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Reviews
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Curtastrophe reviewed Version 2 -
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skylight7908 reviewed Version 2 -
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Rylan reviewed Version 2 -
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Good little synopsis, and good section of the novel. You don’t really need to know the other 8 chapters to get a feel for what is going on here, which I think would give your novel re-read value. Good cliff-hanger too. the only thing I would comment to is some of the way you flow your sentences. They’re all pretty good, but in some places if you set up the scene much more organically, so that it all kind of harmonizes, I think it’ll do even more to pull in the reader so that they’re thinking along the same lines that you are. It will heighten the action, which I’m sure is something you are trying to achieve in the genre. And don’t get me wrong, its already there, but I think my suggestion may amplify it some?
Other than that, pretty good description without being too much, good use of suspense, and I really enjoyed the names you picked for some of your characters. they’re… definitely interesting and unique without being incredibly hard to pronounce. Way to go, keep it up, and thanks for posting!
—Rylan
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solarflare reviewed Version 2 -
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Jason_Foreman reviewed Version 2 -
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I’m not a big fantasy-action fan but I liked this one. Nathan is sort of an everyman with a purpose or cause to fight for, a role you have tailored great to his characteristics. I also liked the sword fighting scene, you made it almost visual which is tough to do well and with minor revisions I think it would be masterful. I hate to criticize, but it seems that the way you write is more formal at one moment and at another it is more simplistic. This isn’t devestating to a peace but it can disturb its flow. But other than that you have written a peice that very well maybe published someday. I give it a high B+, kudos!
catherinespark reviewed Version 1 -
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You’ve probably heard this a thousand times before, but it is crucial that you check thoroughly for spelling and grammatical errors. The publisher dislikes new authors as a rule, so will persecute them for an single comma out of place. I also think you could stand to trim down your dialogue a little. At the moment, the pace gets a little slow as we progress from the main narrative and into the (albeit dramatic) dialogue.
Developing the narrative a little will give your story room to breathe and develop, and perhaps help create more an interactive world for the reader outside the realm of your imagination, since at the moment it seems contained in there…
Let if free!
Laura
Claire_D reviewed Version 1 -
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The_Peacekeeper reviewed Version 1 -
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Giving you a 8.
I would say that the story line is gripping. the dialogues need a little more refurbishing though.
I am a bit confused about the piece in that is that a chapter? What part of the book you posted here?
What was first novel all about? What do you call it?
Good work and keep posting.
Harold_P reviewed Version 1 -
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Hey there…
“gripping, hair-raising ride of action…”
You’re not kidding. This was like a Michael Bay action blockbuster at times. But with far more depth, characterisation and general entertainment value than his films. I’m not too well-versed in the action genre, but one thing I would note is that perhaps the reader can have TOO MUCH action?
It was just in certain places, esp. before the second fight, that I think you perhaps need to give the readers a moment to catch their breaths. That’s all…
Harold_P
Zakari39 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
The action is certainly there, Nathan and Tarrock are certainly on a hard quest here. I liked the story – a lone man, pitting his wits and muscle against seeminly unending enemies..
A few things seemed odd: the first description of the courtyard was brief, but breathtaking: How do I know that? I didn’t see enough of it…
Near the end: the Ethan rulers survery him with aloofness familiar the world over – you mean familiar on every world? Nathan’s as wel as the Ethan one…
‘courage and strength to defeat such a component’ – you mean opponent, right?
The build towards the fight is well written – as Tarrock instructs and guides Nathan in tactics, you can feel the tension building to a taut snap.
The interlude with Sheena seemed overly violent and urgent – I’m sure her life is in danger, but it’s imminence seems at odds with Tarrock’s explanation that she would be unharmed – unless the threat is for show and/or frustration…it just seemed as if they were actually going to do her harm, and not just threaten it.
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