Poetry / Who am I now?

Very good idea, the feeling was very clear and articulated. The choice of words at times could’ve been chosen better to create more of a flowing atomsphere but it all seemed to work. This section:

“I see all the faces that we used to know
Wondering who they are to me
And now I’m trying to disappear in the
black bottle I drink
Where are you now”

my favorite part by far

First, I am stubborn about a writer conveying exactly what they intended and unless you are using grammatical and word errors to make a statement or contribute to the tone, theme, etc of the poem you should review and edit. I will point out a couple “where our pictures use to be” (should be used – past tense); “I walk the these strange streets” (the should not be there); “Wondering were are you now” (where not were). Anyway, it distracts me from everything else going on the poem and as you indicate you have posted this elsewhere perhaps you are unaware of the errors?

I enjoy the poem’s darkness and the rather hopeless feeling I get reading it. The narrator’s uncertainty works well in establishing a discordant tone ranging from sorrow to hope to dispair. There are some word choices I think are a bit weak, especially images, such as “the black bottle I drink”, which is too vague and general to give the narrator any definition beyond a cliched image of some random person in some random hopeless drunken sorrow. Sometimes that kind of generic presentation works well but I think this story is personal and should be more unique than general. But that is just my opinion and its your poem so…

I have no problem with the last line being included but perhaps it should be more than just an abrupt end to the poem. Obviously the line has significance to you as the author, perhaps it could have a similar weight with the reader? I am not suggesting you give the true importance of the slide guitar and the blues, but perhaps you can create a significance that fits into the landscape of the poem on its own accord. Perhaps you could introduce music into the first few lines of the poem to provide a background to the action, especially the lonely nighttime wandering? Again, just my opinion here.

Have you revised this poem at all since you first wrote it? There are moments where it feels very personal and emotionally powerful beyond the scope of the poem itself. If you could capture that feeling for the reader in the diction of the poem you would have a very strong piece.