Possibly. I actually have a shoebox full of them. One day they will be put into my journals, but I have been saying that for a year now.
Poetry / Rustic Dawn
Lost within the rustic dawn,
entangled in our search for perfection
found within our symmetry.
Your prints tattoo my heart,
flesh branded by mist and euphoria.
Lay within me forever
let us give in to our moments divine.
Thrust and let your power quake me,
release and fill me
as the waking sun
warms my skin.
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BeccathePromoMami reviewed Version 1 -
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This piece has great meter. It’s not consistent, but it flows really well. I think some of your imagery could use clarification – they’re a little muddy and not very specific. I think you use a lot of “cliche poetry words that make the piece sound deep”, but it doesn’t really go much further than that. I think if you built off the image of the rustic dawn and the scene you create in the first two lines – still keeping your theme of it being a love and/or devotion poem, you’ll have a great piece on your hands.
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cdnsurfer reviewed Version 1 -
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Fun piece. You have some lovely images here but nothing concrete to anchor the write. The image “rustic dawn” is powerful, but you don’t continue the image, you slip into “entanglement” and then “search for perfection”, and even then on to “symmetry” and “tattoos”. It is only by about the halfway mark that it becomes clear this poem is sexual, but the images are vague until you tie up against to “dawn” with the “waking sun”. I think with some good concrete images and narrative this piece would be stronger, especially if you crystallize this piece in a moment (defined place and time) and with people (defined persons). You do have flow! Nice read.
badhabits reviewed Version 1 -
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Unbelievable. Someone else who writes poems on Starbucks napkins…. Are you my poetic soul mate?
lovescreature reviewed Version 1 -
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First, I must say that I am jealous. This is the first erotic poem that I have read online that is not trite. Your imagery is beautiful and not trashy. Your words themselves are refreshing. I gave you all 10’s. I myself am not able to write something erotic with this much class. I love rustic dawn. That is gorgeous. I want to keep reading this one several times. This will be the first piece to go into my favorites. Thank you. OUTSTANDING WRITE. Simple and Outstanding.
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