Poetry / A Ghost

This is a hard review, but I hope you’ll appreciate my comment because I want it to be meaningful to you. There are a few good things about this poem, but one majorly important thing to me is that (and maybe it’s just your style) you seem to be going two steps forward and one step back. “I remember it like yesterday, was it yesterday?” especially seems (to me) to be a step back from any progression you’ve made in the poem. and “do you know me? you look familiar…” looks like it could start a separate stanza. One thing you might want to try for another poem is elaborate on the imagery you have. For instance, in this poem you have a ghost. You could elaborate on the physical qualities of a ghost or on the similarities to a ghost and the person you’re talking about. Just a suggestion, I hope it helps.

“I was alive
that is for certain”

I think this is a fantastic opening.  It’s intriguing enough to capture, yet broad in scope so as not give the reader everything at once.

This is obviously a personal poem, meaning more to the author than it could ever mean to me, but I am able to relate on my own level, apply it to my notions of loss and doubt.

The line “I think I remember” is vague and gives nothing to the rest of the poem.  In fact, I feel it to be a bit jarring.  This is probably the most over used advice given to writers, but I think if you put this poem aside for a month or two then come back to it, you’ll be able to tighten it up.

Thanks for sharing with us.

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January 11, 2006

by meljoy

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thanks for the thoughts, I’ll do just that.

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