Flash Fiction / Little Things.

‘taxing’  
I found this interesting, but entirely too vague as to who is whom, and what their lack of relationship is.  It felt like a part of a larger story that has been cut into this.  I like the general idea of bonding, and think it will strike a chord with readers, but am afraid they will be put off by it’s brevity.  You could add more to the characters, flesh them out a little, and lose nothing of the tone.  

Although it’s well-written, (since you asked) this is not flash fiction. It is a vignette. Flash fiction contains the classic story elements: protagonist, conflict, obstacles or complications, and resolution in 1,000 words or less. Your writing has a good flow and re-visited, this could become part of a short story. Also, please, spellcheck. It should read “She argues” not “She qrgues.”

The die landing on the pile of cards was a nice touch.

A great premise for a touching story, but it felt a little flat.  Just a scattered account of one game.  No dialog, no emotion, just a somewhat play by play of a turn?  I can see what you were going for here, but adding some depth and emotion will take this story to the next level.  Also, it should be dice instead of die.  To roll a die would be just that… A SINGLE die.  Monopoly is played with two dice.  

Spelling:

First sentence – taxig should be taxing.

Second to last paragraph, last sentence – qrgues should be argues.

Very nice piece of flash fiction.  Its very short and tells a nice little story.  I would like to see more showing and not telling.  I’d like to see more of who the characters are playing Monopoly and how they react to winning or losing.

A few grammatical notes – “Taxing” is spelled wrong in the first sentence.  You throw dice in Monopoly, not die.  ”Argues” is spelled wrong.

I think this is a good first draft.  Keep up the good work!

I think it would be better if she wasn’t praying for anything but a seven. You’ve mention you own all but four properties so more than likely there are several things she could roll that would end up bad for her. Maybe something like she was praying for a seven because it was the only safe spot. Also I think it would look better if you didn’t use parathesis. It gives it more of a blog feel than flash fiction. Other than that, this really hit home for me. I have spent so many nights staying up all night playing monopoly and this story really captured the feeling.

I like what you’re trying to do here and the little things, like the little argument about whether or not it counts when the die lands up against the cards, give it a lot of character. Some of it seems overstated, like  ”It’s the little things that can change something grand.” I’m not sure how I feel about it. It works in some ways, but I think the story should make that obvious enough in itself. If it doesn’t perhaps you could expand on the relationship between the characters, add some dialogue maybe or some other bit of background on them. Overall, however, it’s well written and mostly effective. There are a few typos but a more thorough read-through should take care of those.

I like this…very sweet.  Yes, it’s those little things that help build a relationship…make it special.

“taxig games – Monopoly”...taxing
“She qrgues that it does ”....argues

I thought the idea of presenting memories of childhood was good and I can relate to that a lot, as anyone can. I dont know if it was presented in this best way though. I thought the writing itself was a bit bland and can definitely be improved on. I can see this being expanded and becoming something much better. But the writing itself needs to improve. Go back and edit out those typos as well. Including “taxig,” and “qrgues”

A nice slice-of-life story. It’s good to stop and enjoy the small things in life once in a while.

Some typos:

“qrgues”

“taxig”

Short and makes its point well. Favorited.

nice flash fic. You have a few spelling errors; “taxig” and “qrgues”, that are probably slips of the finger. You could make it longer but I’d stay with this one.