Poetry / Inside Out
I’m ripping myself to pieces
I’m falling apart from the inside out
I can’t escape that beating sound that emanates from the inside of me
How many more must I endure?
When I look in the mirror that reflects from my eyes I can see…
All the things about me I hate
All the things that make me wrong
And there are times when I feel all wrong
My skin feels wrong, my emotions, my thoughts, my……..self
And I don’t know how to make myself right.
I am weakness from the inside out, I try not to see it
But there is weakness and need inside me that I cannot ignore
Even threw my tears I can see it’s face, and it smiles at me, it grins and I bare it
Saying nothing, hearing even less and not believing either
Each nightmare that wakes me in the night shreds the fabric of my mind farther,
Leaving it blowing in the wind of my growing self doubt
I loose a part of myself to each second that passes me by in the darkness
Making me more alone in the dark than I was before, more alone on the inside and out.
I’m coming apart at the seams
A piece of my hope here, some trust and faith there
And love falls away from me like petals from a dieing rose
I’m falling apart from the inside out … and I don’t know how to put myself back together
Neither the inside nor the out.
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First, I’m going to say that the last two lines perfectly ended the piece. Excellnt choice of words in wrapping up the whole piece.
Your structure was great. It really helped the flow and rhythm of the piece. Your imagery was excellent, it vividly expressed you emotion… like a good painting would.
Great piece.
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While this is heartfelt, it doesn’t really work like poetry. You may be able to convert this to a prose piece, but to do that you’re going to need to put more meat on it. All of us have feelings like you describe here – we’re all deep in the shit together, as Anne Lamott says. There’s nothing here that sets it apart from just garden-variety lamentations. Give us some back story, something that resonates and helps us understand why this is happening.
Particularly with short pieces, you need to be very careful with spelling and forms. Threw => through; it’s => its
The emotion is presented well in this poem. I can only tell what I would do to make it better.
“I’m ripping myself to pieces
I’m falling apart from the inside out
I can’t escape that beating sound that emanates from the inside of me
How many more must I endure?”
I would say lose the first line and merge the final three.
A couple other spot like that. Just a little bit of stuctureal revision.
“All the things that make me wrong
And there are times when I feel all wrong”
It’s my personal belief that you shouldn’t use the same word over in piece unless it contained within the title or tends to be a thesis.
http://www.m-w.com/
I use merrium-webster alot to expand my vocabulary and just to find a word i’m looking for.
All around I would say nice read.
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