Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Mr Gorgeous (Analysis)

I enjoyed your piece. I think you should give more insight or detail as to how and when you met this man.

Ah, the meticulous dating game. Can’t it get the best of you sometimes? (;

I hate games and waiting around, so I take the initiative more often than not. Seems like the only option worth living with.

I love how the first line of this rhymes internally. I thought it would go on like that, with rhymes that are there but not intrusive. Maybe you can put that in.

Oh, btw, shouldn’t it be “eyes” instead of “eye’s”? You don’t need the genitive there.

This is  like a short flash of life going by, and I am fan of capturing the moment. You did that well. And if it wasn’t noon right now, I’d pour me a Martini. (;

Sounds like a nice romantic fantasy, A lady seeking Mr right. Mr right though does not always need to be gorgeous.  Sport- should that be spot. I think you need either a semi-colon or a comma after knew, it is the eyes etc. Other than that I like and short and sweet too.