Lyrics / What Have We Done?

Very nice work. It’s very easy when writing lyrics of this nature (from what I gather, it’s from the perspective of somebody who’s recently been through a break-up and is struggling to come to terms with it) to come across overly sentimental but you’ve done a very good job of avoiding cliché and not sounding too trite.

Nice rythm and a good flow. I can imagine this song playing out in my head, so that’s a good sign.

I really, really love the “I’m taking too long to live” line.

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October 24, 2008

by Ace

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169	88.9% (9 votes)	22.1%

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20	M	Kapolei, HI	October 24

thanks Murr

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I like the overall feel of it, but some of the repeated lines strike me as a bit repetitive, the line “is this called moving on” would make have more emphasis placed on it if it were merely a line in and of itself,what i see here is a set of lyrics that flows almost too well, before people have even gotten to grips with your lyrics it seems like the song has hurried itself along to an end, i may not have grasped the tempo of it though, is this a fast or more slow melodic set of lyrics, how do you envison it in your mind? In terms of clarity though its very good, dealing with those same feelings of loss and pain in a way that isn’t at all pretentious, the shortness of each line does a very good job of conveying those bursts of pain one feels in such situations, representing very  well the person who wishes to deal with pain but is afraid to. A very good piece

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January 04, 2008

by Ace

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169	88.9% (9 votes)	22.1%

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20	M	Kapolei, HI	October 24

thanks and yes it is definitely has a slow progression, with an exception of the chorus. I have already recorded the song so if you are interested in hearing it, message me.

thanks for your review and advice!

Ace

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hi there,

yes, a well written lyric of love gone astray/where nobody seems to know/just like the title stated/but some things must have happen to lead to this point and it would be good to explain them/ i like the song pattern you choose/verypopular and i luv the line/i’m taking to long to live/been there/lol/in general, nice job

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January 04, 2008

by Ace

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
169	88.9% (9 votes)	22.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
20	M	Kapolei, HI	October 24

thanks! glad you enjoyed.

I am still thinking of a bridge to go with it.

and yea i think we’ve all been that way huh, sucks to admit it even. lol.

Ace

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This is a great lyric. It flows with raw emotion as you come to the understanding of how difficult it is to move on. A lot of todays music lacks raw emotion. As long as the tune fits well behind it, you definitely have a gem.