Poetry / Beauty in the eyes of the beholder
Beauty in the eyes of the beholder
They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,
While sense the day I laid eyes upon you nothing not even beauty surpasses,
The perfection of the one truth,
Your beauty cannot be expressed in words so I will sum it up in a couple verse,
They say the eyes are the gateways to a soul,
Then in that case yours must be gold,
All I see is pureness perfection and non-surpassed glee,
The three beauties that swirl together with such ease,
To look in your eyes must be a heaven because when I see them all I think is why cant I have ‘em,
Your soft lips speak the words that could have sank a thousand ships,
The sirens of the seas would be at your whim,
Because the angelic noise would have defied their sins,
Controlled their wings and made there voices yours,
And yours the end of the contorted roars,
Your perfect smile is a beacon in my eyes,
It shows me a place where happiness lies,
Where dreams have came to be realized,
And all that has been there has been purified by that perfect smile,
But Then again they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,
Then why is beauty under you,
Sense I’ve seen you no other beauty will do,
The moment I saw those perfect lines,
I knew that instant I wanted you as mine,
That no one else would do only the best could see me through,
But in this world so close but far away are the words I live to and will also never see stray,
But then again every good thing you have to work for in life, so I’m prepared to do anything to be next to you…
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You’ve got some fine descriptiveness here and an obvious talent worth working with. I found the piece a bit long but at least I wasn’t bored out of my skull because you weren’t repetitive. This is a good thing. Besides, when you find something truly beautiful, it’s hard to limit praise. ;-)
I liked this piece overall. Write on my friend!
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this is amazing your piece caught my attention which is a good thing your use of imagery is fantastic and you clearly portrayed what you were saying
I really like this one. The use of slant rhyme in some places and rhythmic timing is great. The imagery does take you to another place. Good work.
First – I think you mean since, not sense.
Second – cant needs to be can’t. If you are using punctuation, which at this point you are, you need to use it correctly. There are several comma errors, etc.
Finally – You have a lot of emotion and feeling here. But, you use a lot of expressions that everyone else does too. Don’t worry so much about the rhyme – try to find words that express how you feel, and how they make you feel, that are not so common. You’ll have a piece then that shows how uncommon your love is.
Good start.
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