Poetry / America The Not So Beautiful???
America The Not So Beautiful???
“O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!”
America the beautiful, Home of the free land of the brave,
The place I’ll give my life for one day,
With brothers in arms this country has come a long way,
From the Thirteen colonies to the 50 states,
Are accomplishments are more than astonishing up to this date,
We have pulled through depressions and wars,
And survived what others considered to be the forbidden shores,
We have seen more death in on day then the full holocaust or even the crusades,
Yea I know it sounds all good its true but there’s also a hidden few,
Facts that is for example we are murders to,
We have exploited people because they were a different color by a shade or two,
I know this may sound ridiculous to you and me too,
But in reality the past of this country isn’t just black and white it contains fierce battles and fights not about property or land but who should be holding whose hand,
About wither all men and WOMEN should have the same rights, and I believe we should stand and fight against the still continued battles we fight every day, and say what really needs to be said,
But in reality this is all just a wonderful dream of what I would call the American dream, so I’m going to end this with just one Question if you have the answer to be scared to demand it,
Is It America the beautiful or America the not so Beautiful???
By: Jared ”Jade” Walker
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 203 word review has not been unlocked.
Well, your facts are not exactly right. The US has never seen more death in one day than in the holocaust or the crusades. I don’t think you need to point out all of these (questionably) good things about the US. Most people don’t believe these blind patriotic ideas anymore anyway. Most other countries have gone through economic depressions and wars, and most other countries don’t admire the US for our accomplishments anymore either. In fact, they think we are fat and stupid.
Proofreading notes:
Are accomplishments = Our ??
in on day then = one day than ??
good its true = it’s
murders = murderers
- add/view comments (0)
very good and very true! the way you twisted the words around and reversed the meaning of what people call america the beautiful was great. keep up the good work!
I think you have some good points but this is not really a poem. You need to take your interesting thoughts and put them in a form that is more poetic. Focus on the writing now that you have the content. Some of your sentences are way too long. Also there are quite a number of spelling errors. The length of your sentences breaks up the rhyme. Using more punctuation would help too.
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
