It was going to be Ashland Park. But I ran out of words…lol
Flash Fiction / Commitment
We sat by the fountain at Ashland. Naomi’s eyes held pools of expectation. We’d been together a year and she was waiting for the ring. I pulled out the box, an unspoken “yes” on her lips. Her face fell, a bracelet of diamonds revealed. It was a ring after all, it just had a catch.
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Cavol reviewed Version 1 -
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This 178 word review has not been unlocked.
Peabeth reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked how you portrayed emotion, but i just feel there was something missing.
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squarehopper reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this… even though it was not ambiguous enough according to the rules… but I think this is funny.
Only thing why mention Ashland… I don’t know where that is.
Good luck!
quaintfungus reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s hard to review somthing so slight but if you look at this the right way it is almost a haiku, or a jewel very neat polished and precise, with a little glitter at its heart. The ‘catch’ bit is funny and almost pogniant. I wonder if you could get something about ‘angling’ in there.
Marvek reviewed Version 1 -
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Hey, so far so good! I wanna read the rest, please!
8281magerk reviewed Version 1 -
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I think this could have been done better. I understand the stipulations limiting the story, but your wording and sentences need to be more refined. There is a way to say what you are trying to convey without actually saying it. Show the reader what is going on rather than simply articulating the plot to the reader.
princesspeaches reviewed Version 1 -
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I like it. You built up suspense and just when the reader expected one thing, they got another. You might consider changing the last word to clasp. But either way, it is still good.
Cirrus_Minor reviewed Version 1 -
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This is the first time I’ve read any flash fiction, and I enjoyed it. Now I’m curious, was he (you) aware of the fact that she was expecting a ring? I’m assuming so, but does that speak of her character or his? Is she too hasty, or is he just not interested that deeply? I’m not sure what you’re going to take this as, but thank you regardless for the read.
han9na reviewed Version 1 -
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This was a humorous piece. I don’t think Naomi would agree however.
Best regards.
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