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Poetry / In the Wake of Christmas
Death shines the brightest of colors,
Ending life and parting lovers.
If I don’t wake it won’t be a shame,
No more nights alone in pain.
Welcome dark abyss I’ll disappear,
I’m waiting, paralyzed by fear.
Memories like fire, burn my eyes,
Is our friendship truly a lie?
I would have died for you to live,
I would give all I had to give.
Now like a candle memory fades,
So we forget promises made.
I am crawling,
Begging for you to see,
But you don’t,
You look right past me.
So I give up
On this cold dark night.
I am so old,
I can no longer fight.
For months
I’ve been in this shell.
Now it’s Christmas Eve
And I’m in Hell!
End the painting in darkest of colors,
Death brings the best in lovers.
Now all is over and it was no shame,
You will no longer fear this pain.
I turn to take my bow as I disappear,
You forgetting me isn’t my fear.
Just take this lesson and start to live,
And always remember to give.
Now my candle flickers and fades,
Never forget the points made.
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MangerRanger reviewed Version 1 -
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The second stanza is very distinctly different than the other two to what end? The third line of the first stanza is difficult to read with the double negative. I feel like the poem is almost completely ruled by it’s composition, that is to say the form dominates it. I see that you have chosen to have your lines and rhyme use the same ending words in the first and third stanza is this a form? Sort of like a Sestina in the repetition but I am not really well versed on all forms, if this is not an established form maybe you could study the sestina and fit this to form. Also, as far as content is concerned I sort of struggle seeing beyond some of the more “Emo” themes, it is a terrible term to use, because poetry should be embracing emotion but the fact is that a lot of the dark images and strong words have become cliched and poetry needs more.
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aw0445204 reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the tone of this dark Christmas poem, the outcry of someone who, at least it seems, is planning on taking their own life. I love the first line “death shines the brightes of colors” it is wonderful! The only problems I have with this poem is the rhyming and the lines are a little too short…maybe instead of rhyming every line you should rhyme every third line, or just try to add more bulk to the short lines. All together, dark a mysterious!
Angel_Wings reviewed Version 1 -
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Personally I give you props. I think there is really promise here. The way that you refer to death and colors, thats pretty cool. Its like you can really feel what the writer is feeling. I would like to read more of your work.
Wave reviewed Version 1 -
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There are three words that I would use to describe “In the Wake of Christmas” ...trully memorable, original, and universal. The rhythm is great too
Marvek reviewed Version 1 -
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I absolutely love this poem. It felt very promising and very real. I love your detail and choice of words. I also like how you symbolize things such as the candle flickering. You seem to be very promising in writing poetry. Good luck in the future!
Cyna reviewed Version 1 -
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This peice is moving and I really enjoyed it. I do believe the best part to be
I am crawling,
Begging for you to see,
But you don’t,
You look right past me.
So I give up
On this cold dark night.
I am so old,
I can no longer fight.
For months
I’ve been in this shell.
Now it’s Christmas Eve
And I’m in Hell
It is clearly expressed that something painful has happened and that this specific holiday holds more bad memories than good ones.
Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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I tried to be generous with my ratings, because this isn’t that bad. I didn’t care for the rhyme scheme, as it made things feel a bit forced, but you held the rhyme throughout, which a lot of people seem unable to do. I didn’t care for how the different stanzas had different rhyme schemes, either. I would have stuck to one or the other, with my preference being for the scheme set forth in the middle stanzas, as it holds my interest a little better. Overall, not a bad piece, though. Keep on writing!
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