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Poetry / Nonentity: a Sad Fate
“I never gave so much” He thought as He walked through the door. He never wanted anything but always needed more. His name was Fear, and you would feel Alone if he was near. Fear led an interesting life all to end amongst the dead, but in the end we all must see red.
“I never cared so little” she said as she stood in the hall. She asked for everything but didn’t need anything at all. Her name was Alone, she had blue eyes and a heart of stone. Alone showed no interest in this cold pocket knife, before she dropped her locket and ended her life.
“Its fate” the angels proclaimed. Love is none other than the beast and it must be tamed. Is it a shame that these angels will never feel, or is it a blessing, they’ll never need to heal. We are taken by Fear of being Alone, so we stare into your blue eyes as our hearts turn to stone.
“Will it always be this way” he contemplated as he fell dead. You see, he always had these voices screaming in his head. His name was Hate, and you would take Death over his dark fate. Hate cared not for life and its dark black lies, unwillingly he slowly fell from the light.
“I hope things will stay this way” she screamed as she flew above us all. Her eyes red, she stood about forty feet tall. Her name was Death, she had a beautiful mind and fire breath. Death never cared for this gun, before she pulled the trigger and killed her only someone
“Its truth” The angels claimed. War is none other than the dragon, it must take the blame. Do these angels know what they will never feel, they’ll never covet and never steal. We are found by Hate and fall to our Death, our beautiful minds are burnt by fire breath.
“I can’t do this anymore” He believed as he crawled across the floor. He could only walk yet always he needed to soar. His name was Sad, you would give your Fate to have everything he had. Sad only knew his greed, he never had the time to learn what it is to need.
“I’ll never fall for you” she yelled as she looked down from above. Her looks were so pretty but she wore them as a glove. Her name was Fate, She had beautiful words but was always much too late. Fate never looked at this ledge, but she decided to jump off the edge.
“Its you” The angels took aim. People have become the deceiver, they are one and the same. The angels now know what is real, people will always kill just to change how we feel. We become Sad as we see Fate, our excuses and beautiful words are surely much too late
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Kryptyk reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the alliteration and the rhyme schemes in this one, it really brings out the feel of the story and meaning of the poem.
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aw0445204 reviewed Version 1 -
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When I think of poetry I tend to think of it as a style of writing that really has no rules. I love the paragraph style of this piece, I often write this way myself, and get irritated when people tell me it is not a proper way to write..so good job. I am just having a hardtime grasping the concept of the poem..exactly what it is about..but maybe it is just one of those rare poems that allows people to place the words in whatever way the see them pertaining to! Nice Work!!
Wave reviewed Version 1 -
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Hidden meanings aside (which if i figured out correctly, are very cool), I enjoyed reading “Nonentity: a Sad Fate” in it of itself. And if you have any reviews saying it doesn’t make sense… forget about it. Mabybe you meant to do this, but I thought some of the phrases you used were a bit too repetitive, you have plenty of room to be creative… Can’t wait to read more of your work
esmaril reviewed Version 1 -
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This is an amazing piece of work. I seriously almost cried when I read it. I could almost see Sad crawl across the floor and hear the angels voices as they said, “Its you.” and see them watching us from above with disbelieving eyes. You make it seem as though all of these feelings are tied into one another and they become the person’s Death. The only thing that I don’t like is that you didn’t write it in the correct format for a poem and also I didn’t like this part, ” Hate cared not for life and its dark black lies, unwillingly he slowly fell from the light.” It doesn’t seem to rhyme like the rest of your piece does and also I think a comma needs to be between dark and bblack. But other than that I must say, well done.
nelson1 reviewed Version 1 -
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I think it reads more like a moralistic story as it is presented that way.
But I like it
Fear/Death/Fate/Hate/Sadness etc, all the negative things are blaming each other, but I have to say that Angel doesn’t seem to be helping matters except for judging/blaming. And like you say we write beautiful words after the fact and do nothing to prevent the above from happenning as a collective, as individuals withing our own circles though we can help others, no-one man or group of man can save the world, and no man is perfect.
You say death his, yet later death is the female , Hmmm!. I have to say all of them are both sexes.
It is about the human condition and all of its faults.
chimchar214 reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, that was an interesting read. I’ve read the whole poem and got a bit confused with it. Using representations of Dark Emotions was very innovative. I think I’m able to figure out what these ‘angels’ are. I think they are followers of Lucifer the fallen angel. Or they could represent suicide, With death, fate and alone. I could interpret that because I came across a part where both Alone and Fate both commited suicide. Although this poem represents dark emotions, your poem lacks any emotion at all. I don’t feel anything. You put “she did this” “she felt that” I I want to know why this angel feels that way. Don’t just say it’s just because they’re angels, because they don’t sound real when you say that. I hope this helps.
Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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This didn’t really read like a poem to me, more like a short story. The rhyme got lost because of the way this is formatted. I would streamline this so that the rhyme is more prominent, or label it a short story. I did enjoy the personification of the different emotions throughout this, however. Not that bad overall.
LIFEAFTERDYING reviewed Version 1 -
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This is very beautufl, atleast to me. So much emotion, I have felt them all but could never put them into words as you have. This should be published for everyone to read. I know it is dark but I think for some it could put things into a whole new light. Good job! I look forward to reading more.
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