Horse?!?
Yes, cats bite all the time. At least unstable cats do. Be thankful you never had one living with you.
Thanks for the review.
Flash Fiction / In the dark
The living room is dark because he hasn’t bothered with the lights. It’s raining and the front door is open. His lit cigarette glows and fades with each drag like a distant orange star. He is sitting and smoking, drinking and sitting. There is ice in the glass, or maybe there isn’t. Maybe there was ice in the glass, but it’s melted now and the whiskey has gone thin. Maybe this is what puts him over the edge, gets him up out of his chair to go after something. What is certain is that he trips over the cat, and the cat, unbalanced in the gentlest of situations, bites his leg. There is cursing, scratching, and more cursing as he grabs the cat in the dark, his hand filling up with body parts and fur. He heads for the door. The screen bangs open and the cat flies into the night, howling. The cat connects with the 70 year old maple in the front yard. The screen slams shut and it’s quiet again, but for the rain.
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mckinleycooper reviewed Version 1 -
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Horrific—expertly told. Sight and smell are rich in this piece.
“like a distant orange star.” Excellent imagery.
Well done!
McKinley
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The_August_Kid reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this a lot. It’s raw, very simplistic, short and conscise. I really liked it. It’s dark. Even though the writing style is very simple, it really conveys the rawness of it. There wasn’t much description, but I was still able to visualize what was going on. I really liked where you state that the cat hits a 70 year old maple. I don’t know why. Loved it, really.
npr33 reviewed Version 1 -
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wow—fairly powerful piece to put in so few words. it sounds like the start of a great book or even a screen play. and i can’t decide who the drinker is. i could imagine a stodgy old man or a middle aged mid life crisis or even younger and brooding. the cat, the poor cat. but really, who goes around biting people :)
GoreyGirl reviewed Version 1 -
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I envisioned the scene well. A short snippet of who this person could be and to tell you the truth it sounded so much like my father, that I was entranced by it. But I guess that was easy as this man didn’t have much character development.
tildesk reviewed Version 1 -
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Poor kitty! lol. Great writing though. You should continue this for a full story.
LaylowMang reviewed Version 1 -
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You set a good mood, but some of your descriptions are a little confusing.
“He is sitting and smoking, drinking and sitting.” I think I understand what you are trying to do there, but it just flow well, omit one of the ‘sitting’. Type out ‘70’, or really don’t say how old the horse is at all. It’s unneeded, and throws off the vibe you are giving.
I’ve never had a cat bite me, only scratch. Is it common for a cat to bite someone when they are surprised? Be specific on what part of the cat he is grabbing. I realize that he is in the dark, and in a hurry and all. But surely if he can hold onto the cat all the way to the front door, he can see what he’s holding, the scruff of the neck, a hind leg, whatever.
Also use a stronger verb than ‘connect’ with the cat hitting the tree.
Keep writing!
MoulinCool reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow. I am unable to think of any words to write here. It was disturbingly interesting (at the cat part). And I think that if I am at a loss for words, then that is extremely good on your part.
Sparkles reviewed Version 1 -
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You have a way with words and descriptions but there isn’t much depth to this. I can see it, but I wish there was a little more to it. Also, I’m pretty sure you used too many commas or they are in the wrong spots throughout this. It just doesn’t read right.
Rupert reviewed Version 1 -
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This is crisp, clear writing and paints a strong picture of the daily life of an alcoholic. The scene in the living room reads like a metaphor for the man’s life. The point of the man taking out his alcoholic rage on the innocent cat, shows the drunks projection of inner-hurt to perfection. Nice job, I would enjoy reading more. This is concise, poignant and fits flash fiction well. The only thing I see that may need work is the ‘kicker’ sentence, it’s clear, but not clear enough. In would suggest a showing sentence, ‘as he slams the screen door and returns to his glass.’ Outside the cat crawls back to the screen door to mew, a trained routine.
evath reviewed Version 1 -
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Somehow I feel like I am supposed to say that this needs some dialogue
but the narrative was so brilliant and the story so hysterical that
I found myself wanting a scotch and a cat… the rain, which I don’t have, will come, Miami is good for that.
Your story is #1 in my book.
Do you mind if I put you on my faves?
;-)
Thanks for a good out-loud laugh!
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