Lit as in english lit[erature]
Poetry / City Set In Concrete Curtains
What Poetry has the ‘tropolis to stand guard;
Who cares for the glimmer of grey
In the heavy haze of midday,
As the trucks go grumbling by?
The LSE has no instinct to endear –
No place on passions’ prickly thorn -
No steady Princes, save those of greed.
How could we take a second sight?
Make the new seem to come again?
To see the city set in concrete curtains
And draw them back;
Ignore the lack of god or gilt
And breathe the blood to make life wilt.
But all i have is to get spaced and
Shot to shit, by God and Lit and
Writing doodles in the dark and
Listening to Goth Punk, or Mozart.
So how fast can we get from London
To the pentium behind the wit?
But these words of Black and White
And Read all over, roll over
With the pretty pixels blanche
And an empty plastic lover.
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wayne_michael reviewed Version 1 -
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Your words are well written, they leave me confused however. I can’t tell if you are sincere about the beauty to behold from behind the concrete curtain?
Again very well written but at least to me, you seem miffed as well.
Thanks for sharing,
Mike
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Jeff0307 reviewed Version 1 -
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Hehe, very clever indeed. I especially loved, “So how fast can we get from London To the pentium behind the wit?” And just about every other line, hehe. Very, very clever. I liked your metaphors especially, “To see the city set in concrete curtains” I’m not sure who or what Lit is but maybe that’s an English thing. Perhaps an abbreviate of literature? Hehe, sorry I’m slow. Blanche, a French reference? Or am I missing something here too? It sounds like you are totally bashing the city, while your notes indicate you were trying to do the opposite? Lol I told you I’m slow. But I loved this read. Thanks!
Protagoras reviewed Version 1 -
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I’d personally put ‘what kind of poetry’
Great S1.
Shot to shit by god and lit < like it. Interesting combo.
Pentium behind the wit. Love it. REALLY love it.
The read all over a cliche, but i don;t think it matters as obvious parody.
This is truly excellent work. Really nice flow, effortless. And very insightful, off-tangent metaphors that really pushed the boundaries. Sorry i can;t say more.
Definitely keep writing. In the top 5% of poetry on here in my view.
othermr_t reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a very good piece. I really enjoyed some of your wording.
The alliteration and imagery of the “place on passions’ prickly thorn” was particularly poignant.
“But these words of Black and White
And Read all over, roll over…”
I like the use of the homonyms Red and Read. Very clever.
Overall, I enjoyed this piece.
BFTD540 reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought the piece was entertaining but a little too random.I’m no poet and I understand the medium is subject to allot of interpretation, I just like a beginning, a middle and an end. Don’t get me wrong, I think it was good, but for my taste it could have been better with more structure.
daniel_voicu reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you’ve tried to combine Shakespeare with some cyberpunk literature here. The effect is interesting, although I couldn’t understand some parts of it. What did you want to say with “Ignore the lack of god or gilt/ And breathe the blood to make life wilt.”?
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