Stage Play / RECKLESS THOUGHTS OF A MAD GENIUS

Breathless? Or am I, or too much I breath Who can know why the walls close in or the air is tight So constricting is my road that I’m bound to this home I cannot see past the minute that comes but I look to the new so far ahead I am blind I look and I look but fail to see clear past the forest or over the waves that crash and pound the surf I strain and I strain but the bees keep buzzing and buzzing in my ear and I cannot find them to make them stop so I try to run but they follow me still and then I sleep but do I ever dream dream dream has become my sleep to wake pulse beating ready for what to sleep again trembling eyes squeezing chest twitch twitch twitch clench thy fist purse thy lips get ready to defend and hear it comes ready ready ready ……………………
Safe again in the nest left to think think think why like this always the questions they come and go but always stay bound me in limit my being now so well rested try to relax stay calm because all is well I know or I suspect based on what others have told me it is not the way I see it for my eyes are manipulating me but I wont believe it or can’t believe it but I really want to close the eyes decompress where is the switch can’t find the switch don’t panic did you hear that what was that thought I heard something guess not now it’s gone I’m tired now really tired can’t sleep shoulders are tense jaw is clenched think of nothing nothing nothing nothing Time to wake or did I sleep but cant get up didn’t rest didn’t rest have things to do lots of thing which one first which one first don’t have time not enough back is tight very tight make a plan make a list which thing first so much work big day today have to get ready lots to do fingers squeezing I can do it just relax at the store at the store now slept so well at the store slept too much a little dizzy a little dizzy now don’t feel like being here any more not in the mood lets go home but need some things need some things but which one which big decision blue or red blue or red blue or red can’t decide think think think muscles tight tight tight breathe deep very hot why so hot sweating very flush red is good but blue is too which one which one maybe both maybe both dont have money for both blue blue blue lets go blue and yes blue wins OK it’s OK blue is good but red It’s good too but no its blue thats enough enough of that the girl was nice at the store very nice or maybe not she looked at me maybe funny I think yes funny thinks I’m suspicious thinks I’m wrong maybe its me back to the nest lay down now mad genius mad genius make a list clear it now get some sleep so good now lights out others are here I here footsteps ring ring ring phone don’t answer can’t talk now need to rest where are you hello are you there always sleeping I know you’re there don’t care now have to sleep shallow breath heavy lungs so happy now to sleep sleep sleep get ready for tomorrow big big day can’t understand cant understand this is me different different different all alone all alone don’t have time cant talk now cant explain some day some day I’m sorry sorry sorry is it me is it me have to be prepared next year is coming how how how can I do it I can’t do it not me I can’t can’t can’t scream scream scream loud loud loud I have to SCREEEEEEAAAAM smash it smash it teeth clenched fists tight head imploding head imploding can’t take no more can’t release can’t get where is the key who has the key give me the key you bastard let me out gotta get better gotta get better, better better better I think I can I think I can can’t go on can’t go on can’t live like this thoughts are racing, fast fast fast, it’s OK all are the same I’m no different or they told me all have problems but not like this not like this eyes bulging eyes bulging out don’t look at me stare at you head tight stare stare stare look away fast did you see did you see what to do what to do have to read have to read but can’t over whelmed can’t think clear all fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy concentrate concentrate concentrate I know I can I know struggle struggle I know but I have faith going home now going home now what to do what to do open door open door money in pocket on the fridge keys in pocket on the fridge other pocket other pocket get it out get it out whats that whats that goes on dresser boots off first no shirt off first at the same time no can’t work like that boots first now shirt now pants gotta wash gotta wash not today not today shower now shower now no first tea pot put the tea pot tea pot first then shower at the same time shower long nice and hot relaxed now mind clear whats that noise will not stop smells bad tea pot tea pot forgot the tea pot boiled over what a mess goddam it get it off get it off how how how why this why now don’t need this clean it later get dressed now quick quick quick make the tea gotta rest sit sit sit finally home finally home things to do things to don’t have time not now have to sit but things to do maybe tomorrow do it tomorrow make a plan make a plan wake tomorrow tea pot on pants next then shirt then boots make a list get it down get it down can’t live like this make plan make a list get ready for tomorrow don’t worry it’s OK cuddle cuddle cuddle I’m Ok no one can see me I can relax in the nest in the nest try to sleep twitch twitch twitch not again not again get ready get ready chest tight squeeze squeeze squeeze lips pursed fists clenched eyes bulging tight tight tight ready ready ready here it comes not again cant live like this only surviving only surviving life is passing me by wave wave wave life is going life is going I am here I am here at least in body body is here mind is not mad genius on the loose mad genius mad genius gotta get better gotta get better…………………….

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