He is miserable. I have posted some works in progress for initial input re: interest level, believability, constructive crit., etc. Would love for you to look at some of other work.
Humor/Satire / My Family Has a Steph Infection or (Adultery and Betrayal)
My family is suffering from a Steph Infection; not to be confused with a Staph Infection. If you are confused replace it/it’s with her/her’s or she/she’s.
Several months ago my Husband became ill. I noticed that he was not himself and he would spend most of his time at home sleeping. He did manage to go to work and go to band practice, gigs, bars etc. I noticed that he developed the unusual habit of going to his car to take phone calls. Very odd behavior indeed. This insidious infection affected his brain and caused him to suggest that I take the kids on vacation by myself. This was a trip we had taken several times and he loved the location. He would forget to invite me to places he would go. I later saw pictures and the infection was obvious in the photos.
I began research on the computer, looking for any information on infections. It didn’t take long to find the obvious invader. It was a Steph infection. I must say this disease is horrible and it was terribly painful to watch my husband fall victim to it’s degenerative, destructive power. He held on for several months as I watched him deteriorate. I actually came in contact with the infection but having been aware of it’s infectious nature, I was able to fend it off.
I believe the infection became angry with me at my tactics to fight it off. But after watching my husband succumb to this angry actor, I knew I needed to pull out all stops to keep the infection from reaching my children.
I have been told that these types of killers often take their victims. Eventually my husband became a statistic. I left the house for a short while one day and when I returned, he was gone. Taken by this mad disease.
At this point my children and myself became infected with the Steph Infection. Our lives were turned upside down. Their father was gone. Our ability to survive on our own was limited if not impossible. The infection affected our hearts and our minds, causing the children to suffer in ways I will never know. I had to see this ferocious systemic annihilator destroy my family. The pain was so unbearable at times I thought I would die; but I didn’t.
I am still here. Feeling and wearing the wounds of the Steph Infection that left me alone. Alone to watch my children struggle with the side effects of a disease that takes many a man. Were we lucky to survive? Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I question what I think.
I know first hand the killer instinct of this unsympathetic, desperate, unrelenting disease called a Steph Infection. Please, if you suspect your spouse has been exposed, be prepared to fight hard for those you love.
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Russell_Parkway reviewed Version 2 -
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What you did well is transmit the pain the narrator is experiencing to the reader.
I cannot honestly find anything wrong with this short story/poem.
What I would have liked to see a bit more of was the impact this Steph infection had on the children. The narrator talks about them, but a bit more showing could help too.
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sjvance reviewed Version 2 -
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I like this very much. The way you describe adultery as an infection, is so true, and is a very inventive way to present this heartbreaking information. I gave you low on the poetry criteria because this is not poetry. I wonder if you are so talented at writing on a subject that isn’t as life changing as this subject is. Minor grammar or spelling errors you can catch and correct. I would like to see it expanded to include what the “disease” did to you, your mind, body and soul, by taking away your husband. I hope he is miserable by the way! Good job.
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 2 -
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Wow, this is powerful and what an original way to present such an ugly story.
Obviously still very painful and understandably so.
Curiously enough, what you are doing, writing is probably one of the best things you could do under the circumstance.
I really find your work itself almost letter perfect. I could make a couple of suggestions but they would simply be my personal preferences rather that a “better” way; so I will refrain.
I truly hope you and the children will bounce back from this. Something tells me that you are a fighter and you will overcome.
Were there a criteria to rate it would be a 10
jim
TrevorSamuels reviewed Version 1 -
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Very unique perspective! Well written, easy to follow. Grammmar, spelling, punctuation and sentence structure are also excellent. I can’t really critique it though, it works as written. Well done!
Razzer123 reviewed Version 1 -
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I see your point about it being sad. I take it Steph is the name of the woman/girl who steal husbands. But you’re wrong – any man susceptible to a Steph infection is not actually worth saving. The only known defence against a Steph infection is an anti-bacterial agent called loyalty.
DCAllen reviewed Version 1 -
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This ends a bit too soon for me. I could have kept reading. Fine idea. But how does one fight the Steph infection? This seems to be a natural second part to this.
Most of your paragraphs begin with “I”. Most people won’t notice this, but you could mix this up a bit.
Proofreading notes:
it’s degenerative = its
it’s infectious nature = its
children and myself = children and I
Alone to watch my (fragment)
first hand = first-hand
Brynn reviewed Version 1 -
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This ones a toughy to review. Its definately NOT humour or satire, but was so good that I didnt want to rate it down for being put in the wrong category. Its heavy, and hurts because it is so true. I loved the word play on Steph/Staph and the comparison. Staph infections work just like that too, eating away at your flesh, rotting it and spreading black stench over beautiful pink skin. With ease you managed to make the reader hate Stephanie, even though she was never even mentioned in that way. Very good. This piece has a VERY wide audience as it relates to the children of that marriage, the husband, wife and EVEN the Steph! lol Once you reached the part about saving your children was when it hit me in the heart. VERY WELL DONE! The only suggestion I have and its more of an opinion really, is the VERY final line, just didnt flow for me as well. It seems detatched from the rest of a very emotional piece. I dont really know how you would fix it but for me switched from “heartfelt story” to “medical text” in that one line. Maybe it was on purpose? not sure but overall extremely well done. Sombre and truthful.
Eve
nelson1 reviewed Version 1 -
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I’d of rated this a 9 were it a blog, I totally understand this and have experienced it less children. These situations are awful and take a while to recover from. I love how you liken this person to a desease, which is what these people are.
Well written, no typo’s noted
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