Haiku/Senryu / grey-sky blue above

Not too fond of the title and the first line, but the last two lines more than make up for it. Nice write. :)

Nice mournful, nightmarish haiku evoking despair and depression. The phrase “blue above” was bizarre since you’ve already described the sky as being grey.

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January 13, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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thanks for “nightmarish.”   i was trying to evoke a particular color which i feel has a very specific emotional overtone… i call the color “grey-sky blue.”  maybe it didn’t come across well in the poem.

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I am beginning to know your voice:
intensely passionate, deeply feeling,
your work is reflecting the gloom
and lack of color that fall brings.
You washed me away, too.
E~

I like the last line, how it connects to the second line. There’s a nice touch of imagery using colour there. :)

i really like this. it makes me feel like the day is simply draining you of all happiness. there’s a sense of loneliness and morose, like you might find in an andrew wyeth portrait. great job. cheers. :)

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January 12, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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Thanks – particularly about wyeth.  his paintings are very close to the thing i was trying to get at with this poem.

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This was a bit depressing
but it exemplifies well the mood.
I know it, too.
575
All is well
lovely haiku
thanks

Nice end-of-the-world haiku

I am confused at the personification. Are you anthropomorphizing the last of the winter snow?

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January 12, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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i meant the object of the poem to be rain… but i am open to different perspectives.  i’m not sure what you mean about anthropomorphizing.

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I could be wrong, but I believe the correct spelling of the word is gray.
I didn’t get alof emotion from this, and maybe it’s because I didn’t quite understand the second line. Heavens I can understand as being the sky, but the other three words confuse me a little.
You have a talent worth shaping, for sure. But you could tweak this a little.

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January 12, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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you are right.  i have the habit of spelling some words as they do in britain. as for the second line – i suppose i meant rain, but i am open to interpretations.  

January 12, 2008

by jweeble

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No – grey and gray are both acceptable by Webster’s. I also use grey. And am American. :)

January 12, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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thanks jweeble… i feel affirmed.

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