Haiku/Senryu / Heaven sends down fire

Personally, I wouldn’t repeat the title in the poem.  Save the title to use as extra words to help explain your poem.  This one leaves me asking why you want to be burned.  You might have hinted at that in the title.  Right now, all it tells me is the sun is hot, and you want it to burn you.  Maybe it’s about tanning in the summer?  If there’s a deeper message, I’m afraid it’s hidden from me.  Maybe you need to re-write?

This isn’t too bad. I like the subject of the piece, but the first line contains too many syllables, which hurts the overall effect of the haiku. Take out the word ‘down’, and this gets much higher scores. :)

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January 13, 2008

by MichaelLilith

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
45	91.7% (12 votes)	22.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
36	M	Chicago, IL	March 13

i give fire only one syllable which adds up to me,

January 13, 2008

by Blue_Eyes

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
586	83.5% (327 votes)	74.7%

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33	M	Weedsport, NY	November 15

I can respect and appreciate that. :)

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Destiny dance
Waltz with waiting disater
Edge of extinction

this piece makes me think of human nature. we always know that we will have to pay the consequences for our actions, but we can’t resist, we what what we can’t have, even it means trouble. i am not fluent enough on the proper protocol for haikus, so i am no help there, but that aside, i like this piece. it is simple and to the point, yet can mean anything, all at the same time.