Thank you for your comments. I though 5-8 age group. I’m really not sure. I re-wrote this, and I have put a glossary in the back for some of the more confusing words.
Children's / Zack and Zoey in Alphabet City.
Zack was a zoo keeper at the Alphabet City Park and Zoo. It was his job to take care of all the animals there. His favorite animal was Zoey the Zebra. He would save her until last because he always spent more time with her. The zoo administrator had just updated her habitat with new paint, food and water bins. She even had more shade trees and toys so she could play and exercise.
Zack was whistling as he carried some fresh hay for Zoey’s pen. He stopped suddenly. Where was Zoey What could have happened to her? He dropped the hay and ran all the way across the zoo to tell the Anabelle the Administrator. She was very concerned.
“We must find her!” said Anabelle. “I’ll look around the zoo and Zack, you start looking around the outside of the zoo.”
“I hope we find her safe.” replied Zack. “Outside of the zoo is no place for a zebra!”
Zack decided to start looking just outside the zoo at the Alphabet City Airport. He saw Bennie the Barber being dropped off by Casey the Cab driver.
“Have either of you seen Zoey?”,asked Zack.
“Who’s Zoey?” Bennie said.
“Zoey is my Zebra at the zoo.” replied Zack.”Shes gone!”
“Now what would a zebra be doing at the airport?” Bennie questioned.
“Well, you never know about zebras!” “What about you Casey, have you seen her?”
“Zack, Bennie was my first fare of the day. I’ll be glad to keep an eye out for her though.”
Zack left the airport and went further into the city. He was looking all around when he spotted Daniel the Doctor coming out of an elevator. It was lunch time and he was on his way to eat. Ella the Elevator Operator was about to close the doors when Zack called out to her as well.
“Have either of you seen Zoey my Zebra?” asked Zack.
“Now, what would a zebra be doing in an office building?” asked Daniel.
“Well, you never know about zebras!”, replied Zack.”Ella, Have you seen her?”
Zack, she wasn’t on any of the floors that I stopped on, but I’ll watch out for her.”, was Ella’s response.
Zack went on down the street. He came upon Frank the Fireman and George the Garbage man collecting the garbage from in front of the firehouse.
“Have either of you seen Zoey?” asked Zack.
“Who’s Zoey?” asked Frank.
“Shes my Zebra Frank, Have you seen her?”
Now what would a Zebra be doing around a firehouse!” Frank exclaimed.
Well, You never know about zebras!” “George, Have you seen Zoey?”
“No Zack, but I’ll watch out for her as I do my afternoon pick-ups.”, said George.
“Thanks George, I would really appreciate it”.
Zack decided to check out some nearby houses on a side street. He saw Hannah the Housekeeper hitting a rug with her broom. Further down the steps were Imogene the Insurance lady and Jack the Janitor. Jack had hit his jaw with a mop handle while at work. Zack had asked them if any of them had seen Zoey the Zebra.
“Not me.”, said Hannah, “But I’ve been in and out all day.”
Imogene spoke up. “We don’t insure zebras especially if they are out of the zoo!”
Zack looked at Jack. “I’m sorry about your accident Jack, but if it doesn’t hurt too much, can you keep an eye out for Zoey?” Jack tried to smile, but it just hurt too much. All he could do was nod his head up and down. Zack thanked him and hurried on his way. He kept looking around for Zoey when he spotted Kenny the Key maker, Larry the Locksmith, and Micheal the Magician standing outside of Kenny’s shop. Micheal was there to have a key to his handcuffs copied. Zack tried to ask Kenny and Larry, if they had seen Zoey. They were too busy arguing about the best way to unlock a lock to notice him. Micheal just shook his head and took his wand out from under his cape. He waved his magic wand at Kenny and Larry. They suddenly stopped talking, They tried, but nothing came out. Micheal the turned to Zack.
“Now my dear boy, what can we do for you?”, asked Micheal.
Zack looked at Kenny and Larry in amazement.
“Well, I wanted to ask all of you if you had seen my zebra?”
Micheal responded kindly. ” I know that Kenny and Larry here have not seen your zebra Zack.” “They have been arguing over half an hour. Seems Kenny locked his door to his shop with his keys inside.” said Micheal with a smirk on his face. “It also appears that Larry left his tool box inside when they went to lunch together.” “As for me, I’ve been practicing my magic so I haven’t seen anything”. “Here gentlemen, Let me help.” With that, he raised his wand again and the door suddenly opened. “I would have done this earlier but I was enjoying your situation too much.” The three men went into the shop. “As for you Zack, I’m sorry, but I can’t make your Zebra appear, I don’t know that trick.”
As they entered the shop, Kenny commented, “A zebra, what would a zebra want with a key, he’s already out of the zoo!”
Zack stuck his head in the door.
“Well, you never know about zebras!”
Zack kept searching for Zoey. She had to be around somewhere! He walked by the local hospital. He saw Nancy the Nurse, Opal the switchboard Operator and Patsy the Paramedic just driving up in an ambulance. He asked them if they had seen Zoey.
“No Zack,” said Nancy. We haven’t had any zebras admitted today.”
“I haven’t had any calls for any Zoey’s or zebras either,” stated Opal
Zack looked at Patsy.”What about you?”
“No, I just picked up Queenie the Quilter. She just stuck a needle in her finger.”
Queenie was just getting out of the back of the ambulance. “I’m sorry to hear about your zebra Zack. I hope you find her.”
Zack was just turning the corner. He saw Ralph the Rancher tending to his horses. When asked about his zebra, Ralph shook his head.
“Yeah, I heard about your zebra Zack. I’ve been working with my horses all day. Sad to say none of them had any striped PJ’s on”.
Zack decided to go back to the zoo to see if Anabelle had any better luck. Soon he ran into a group of people in the park outside of the zoo. Sonny was singing. Tanya was tuning up her triangle. Viola was playing her violin. Ursala was selling umbrellas to the crowd. There was so much noise that Zack knew no one would hear him so he continued on. As he got closer to the zoo, he saw Wendy Wrestling, and Zander was sitting on the grass taking time out from playing his x-box, to watch her.
“Zander, have you seen Zoey my zebra?”
“A zebra” How could a zebra get out of the zoo?”
“Well said Zack, You never know about zebras.”
Zack walked through the gate and went back toward the zebra exhibit. He saw Yolanda the Yo-Yo Champion looking into Zoeys yard. She kept turning her head first left then right and back again. He was afraid to ask what she was doing so he asked her if she had seen Zoey instead.
“You mean Zoey the zebra Zack?” asked Yolanda.
“Yeah, have you seen her?”
“Well, Yeah!” “Shes right there!”Yolanda answered.
Zack was confused. He didn’t see Zoey anywhere. He looked at Yolanda. She was turning her head again. She then put her yo-yo over one eye and then the other. She just kept looking into the zebra yard. Zack shook his head.
“Yolanda, What are you looking at, Zoey isn’t in there?
“Yes she is Zack. Try this.” She took Zack by the shoulders and turned his head first left then right and back again. He still didn’t understand. She then said “Zack, put my yo-yo over one eye and then the other.
Zack saw her. She was standing at the back of her habitat leaning against the wall. The wall had been painted black and white stripes to make her feel more at home. She blended in perfectly!
“Well,” said Zack.”YOU NEVER KNOW ABOUT ZEBRAS!
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VioletL reviewed Version 1 -
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Clever use of the alphabet and I like the ending, but the names and professions are a lot…and there have not been elevator operators in decades, I’m afraid. Overall, I would suggest cutting many of the details about all the characters and put more emphasis on Zack being worried. For the age this “feels” like, I think it needs to be simpler. Then, I think you will have a shot at publication.
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vampyrchik reviewed Version 1 -
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I quite enjoyed this story – what age level were you writing for? Some of the words did seem a bit difficult for younger readers, but I liked the fact you chose names from A-Z to keep in line with the Alphabet Zoo theme (though it does tend to suggest a younger reading audience). Oh and I did wonder how you tune a triangle… lol if you are going for the T theme, she could be tapping, tinging etc…
Love the ending though! Very good!
WriteMan reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a great alphabet book for young readers. I like how you have used the alphabet letters in their names. The story is good and easily read. Children will love meeting each of the characters and seeing what job goes with their name.
Kimmer reviewed Version 1 -
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This was a cute story but didn’t really grab my attention. I struggled reading through parts as there were multiple spelling and grammar errors. Proof-reading is always a good start when writing. I did like the use of the alphabet throught out the story. I picture the characters as alphabet shaped people. However, with that said, the story lacked depth. I was unable to be drawn into the story as I would have liked. I think you can do lots more with this piece. Keep trying.
wise2owls reviewed Version 1 -
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How delightful… I especially enjoyed how you used each letter of the alphabet for a person`s name and occupation… i hope your son enjoyed the story as much as I did…
Lirpastar reviewed Version 1 -
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I think that this has some real potential with some work. The repetition of phrases such as the “you never know about zebras” is excellent. Some of the attempts to put the names of people and professions with the correct letter are a bit awkward…..the one with the key maker comes to mind…also the janitor hitting his jaw. I also think that you don’t need to have all the letters represented. You might do the first few and then do something like…
He also asked
P the P
Q the Q
R the R…and so on. Doing all of them almost individually makes the story a bit long to keep young children’s attention I feel. I used to teach first grade so I know how quickly they lose focus. Good luck with this and keep working at it!
marybalfanz reviewed Version 1 -
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Is this meant to be a picture book? If so it’s a little long. I would use yes insted of yea in the story other than that it;s very good.
Dr_D reviewed Version 1 -
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Great concept. I like the use of one phrase “you never know about zebras”. The use of alliteration should be very helpful for educational purposes.
Very concise, to the point. It will keep a child’s attention.
Good job!
SarahBloom reviewed Version 1 -
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Really neat concept! I can see this story in a children’s book with lots of bright, colorful pictures.
My only concern is this: books that focus on the alphabet are usually for preschoolers and kindergarteners. With that in mind, I don’t think many children in that age group are familiar with words like administrator, switchboard operator, or insurance lady. The sentence, “I would have done this earlier but I was enjoying your situation too much,” might be a little over their heads as well. So I would just try to come up with something a little kid-friendlier if possible.
I like how you dealt with the tricky letters there at the end, very creative. :-)
CherylF86 reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the story. I love the concept. I am curious to know what age group this is directed at. ALthoguh it is a lovely story, and very well written, too young of an age group may lose interest inthe repetition. I however, thougth that part of the story was what made it so great! I could see each page brilliantly illustrated with possible adventure the Zebra could have. Wonderful, if I had a copy I would read it to my campers during the summer.
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