Thanks BenHart. Weren’t you a famous bushranger two hundred years ago? But seriously, thanks and cheers for your commments.
Humor/Satire / Ads By Google And The Low-Hanging G
One day soon, if there is any fairness in this world, Google will disappear up its own ass in a blaze of binarily-notated suction unprecedented on the virtual streets of cybertown. It will drag in with it all improper fractions, awkward percentages, the formula for calculating the mass of a family size isosceles pizza wedge, and most likely Pye.
It will then emerge, eventually, as a new universe made up entirely of useless links to hopeless websites which also will have disappeared up their own asses and so together will form a universe of disappearing, or negative weight, assholes.
Ok. I know what they are trying to do down at Google Central. They are trying to cure our every ill, cater to our every whim, solve our every troubleshoot, even as they happen. They are trying to turn the world inside out, for God’s sake. And they are doing it all for the good of the community.
In real time.
It’s not about the shareholders. It’s not about the stocks. You go and Google “Money” and Google doesn’t even get a mention. It will just list a billion other money sites you might like to check out. Ka-ching, ka-ching.
So have your credit card ready…
As soon as I post this little rant there will appear, below the title of this rant but above the first line of its attendant text, a highlighted row of links beginning on the left hand side with “Ads By Google”.
Reviewers won’t see this. That is too distracting. But for Mr and Mrs Citizen out there, you don’t get any such preferred treatment. You gotta look BEYOND the Ads By Google. You gotta make the freaking leap.
Are you ready?
Here it comes. On the count of three….one, two, three. JUUUUUMMMMMMMPPPPPPPP!!!!!!
And lift your knees and your wrists, you don’t wanna get your mouse ensnaggled on a low hanging “g”.
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thesnoopyone reviewed Version 2 -
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Hahaha __Google That will Ya. well written.
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BenHart reviewed Version 2 -
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Good. Perhaps a lil more description to evoke some more emotion somehow. I liked it. Keep going with it and you’ll have a winner
Dip_dip reviewed Version 2 -
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Honestly I didn’t really understand this but it made me giggle
Shroomsville reviewed Version 2 -
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The first two paragraphs are kind of funny. The rest reads like the soap-box sermon of a soon-to-be cyberterrorist. If that’s what you were going for, um, bravo? hastily updates firewall in preparation for avatar-onslaught
Lighten the mood a little. Sure Google’s in it for the money. Same as you, me, Angelina Jolie and the Dalai effing Llama. Don’t burst a blood vessel. Laugh at em.
Peace (seriously).
Water_Singer reviewed Version 2 -
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I really enjoyed this piece. It was clever and witty and ever so subversive without really attacking anything other than humanity’s own foolishness.
My only real nitpicky point is that I don’t think “ensnaggled” is a good word choice (or even a real word). I’d suggest using “entangled” or something of the sort instead.
youresorad21 reviewed Version 2 -
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I love this piece. It reeks of sarcasm.
Be careful, the cops on the interweb are totally gonna screw with your myspace now. now.
CapnBlueballs reviewed Version 2 -
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nice rant. cant really relate but nice rant
marshmellotoast reviewed Version 2 -
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I particuarly love the first paragraph, you have a great way of wording what you think so that the reader knows exactly how you feel about something. I’m not sure I particuarly agree with what you were writing, but I can say that I love the style with which you wrote it. It was clever and well thought out.
Context reviewed Version 2 -
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I don’t really understand exactly what you are ranting about, and I don’t understand how this is humor/satire.
The phrase “low hanging g” appeals to me, and I agree that Ads by Google can be annoying. I liked the first paragraph a lot, although I don’t know you mean when you refer to “Pye.”
TrevorSamuels reviewed Version 2 -
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Very unique take! I can’t think of one critique, it works as written. Isn’t technology grand!
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