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Novel Treatments / Roses
“Sophie, darling, take a deep breath, wipe the tears off your face and tell me what’s happened,” Rina purred in a kind, firm voice.
She woodenly obeyed, picking up her napkin, wiping her face and discreetly blowing her nose. “I’m not sure I want to tell you.”
Although she was doing what Rina had asked, the tears wouldn’t stop coming. She knew Rina must be disappointed in her weakness. A little disgusted with herself, she again looked over at Rina, before dejectedly resting her gaze on her salad.
It was a Chef salad. One of her favorites as far as salads went. Juicy red tomatoes combined with perfectly cooked hard boiled eggs. Crumbled bacon blending tastefully with the crunchy green lettuce. Sweet, crisp carrot slices mingling delightfully with the ham and turkey. A festive, fiesta of flavor with every bite, she thought woefully, knowing she wasn’t going to enjoy a single bite. Stalling, she continued admiring her beautiful salad; not quite ready to divulge the details of her pathetic life.
They’d been at the Old Salt City Jail restaurant for thirty minutes, of which twenty had been spent with Sophie crying uncontrollably into her salad. She felt silly now for coming here, realizing she should have picked a place with a bit more privacy to talk to Rina about her unraveling life. She knew she’d received more than a few interested, if not irritated stares from people passing by. It had been the first place to come to mind though. Without thinking, she’d asked Rina to meet her here. It was, after all, her favorite restaurant and one of her favorite places. There were many reasons. Among them, the fond memories she had of coming here with her mom and dad. The restaurant had been around for thirty years, which meant it was a constant in her life—even after her parents had gone.
It’d once been an actual jail. Rumors even circled that Jesse James was once held here, somewhere within the confines of this historic jail, now restaurant.
The restaurant itself was divided up into “jail cells”, with tables and chairs placed creatively in each cell. Long steel bars divided the “cells” on two of the four walls, which allowed you to see others around you, but still feel separate. The lighting was soft; the bulbs surrounded in red gingham plaid lamp shades, each light emitting a warm glow. Shadows danced off the wooden walls as employees and patrons alike walked by. The tables were covered in red and white checked tablecloths. They had the usual on them; salt, pepper, a drink menu. Also, the white cloth napkins, which encased the silverware, were surrounded by a Sheriff’s badge napkin ring. What she thought completed her favorite restaurant were the real and fake plants placed abundantly throughout. To her, it made the place feel even more earthy and warm.
When she was younger, the place had made her feel strangely safe. Secure. Ironic that now, in the Old Salt City Jail, she was going to reveal how trapped, unsafe and insecure her life had become. From the outside, she was sure her life looked perfect. She lived in a gorgeous home, with a handsome, successful man, but her life was less than perfect. He’d been her jailer for two years and she was ready to break free of him. As an afterthought, she realized this was the perfect place to reveal to Rina what David had done, and just how much of a captive her husband had kept her.
Rina was her best friend, her only friend, although she was older. They’d met in college and had been friends ever since. She also felt in a lot of ways Rina was her surrogate Mother. She wondered if Rina knew she felt this way, but guessed she did. Most of the time, she felt Rina treated her like a child. Whatever their relationship was, there was a closeness between them deeper than friendship. She smiled inwardly, in spite of her world crumbling around her. Rina was there for her; had been for a long time, and she hoped, always would be. Yes, she reasoned, Rina is the only one who can help me. She wiped her eyes again before continuing, “Of course I want to tell you what happened. I need to tell you. It’s, I’m sure I already know what you’re going to say.”
”Well then, tell me dear. What’s going on?”
”It’s just . . .” She began, but changed her mind, a gush of hostility springing up inside of her. “Why is it, I wonder, men send roses when they’ve done something wrong? Is there some secret code book fathers pass on to sons when they reach a certain age? I mean, really, I’d like to know.” She was breathing heavily from her small tirade, hardly able to contain her emotions. She felt like punching something; actually someone.
Patiently Rina uttered, “Hon, you know men are of no interest to me. I have no idea what’s going on inside those heads of theirs. Why do you think I’ve moved on to the better of the two species.” It was a statement rather than a question. Smiling genially, she continued, “I don’t think you’ve been crying the last twenty minutes because you’ve been wondering about flowers.” She shrugged knowingly. “Am I wrong?”
Sophie tried to breathe deeply. She wanted to calm down, but knew it wasn’t possible at this point. “No. It’s about David, and I know you don’t like David but I . . .” She choked down a sob before continuing. “I caught him with another woman.” Saying the words out loud made it somehow feel more real, even though she’d witnessed it with her own eyes. She felt like throwing up, her heart torn to shreds, like the lettuce leaves in her salad. Maybe that’s why I keep staring at my salad, she thought sadly, I can relate.
”By caught, you mean he was doing the adultery dance, right?” Rina asked lightly.
She nodded, unable to speak, wishing she could smile at Rina’s interesting choice of words. She knew Rina was trying to help her relax, but the blanket of pain surrounding her wouldn’t come off. It couldn’t.
”What a predictable ass. What did you do?”
She stared at her, incapable of responding.
”Sophie, come on, it’s me. Talk to me.”
She knew Rina was starting to get impatient. Couldn’t blame her. She really did want to tell her friend what happened. She hoped, though, by telling her, it would lessen her pain, not make it worse.
She opened her mouth to begin the process of sharing her misery, when Rina interjected, “You’re right you know, I don’t like him, but I didn’t want this to happen. Hoped it wouldn’t.”
Whatever she’d begun to say was forgotten, and feeling her brain explode with an unbelievable anger, she spat out, “Even though you knew it would, right?”
”I had a feeling it would, yes,” Rina started slowly, “but I still feel terrible it’s happened because it’s you and I love you. You’re my dearest friend.”
Feeling bad for lashing out, she tried a smile, although she was sure it didn’t happen. She knew Rina was there to help her. “I know. Sorry I got angry. Thanks for coming, by the way. I know you’re really busy.”
”It’s all right. You know you can count on me anytime.” Then playfully smirking a little, she continued, “Now, are you going to tell me what happened or not?”
She tried once again to smile back, but her lips wouldn’t curl up. “You remember I had my painting class today?”
”Yes.”
Speaking clearly, knowing there was a lot to say and wanting to get it all out, she tumbled ahead. “It let out early, so I drove home. When I turned the corner onto our street, I saw David’s car in the driveway and another car parked along the curb in front of our house. I thought it was strange because, first of all, he parks in the garage, and secondly, he’d said he would be at the restaurant all day. Anyway, I parked my car next to his and went into the house.”
She stopped, a gnawing feeling of dread running through her body. Her life was about to change. She sensed it; felt the needles start at the top of her head and move down to the tips of her toes, like someone had plugged her in. This was the beginning of something historic in her life; she knew it as surely as she knew her name. It didn’t matter how cliché her life seemed right now. It was about to change.
”Sophie?”
”Are you sure you want the play by play of what happened?” She asked, still pondering the feelings within her.
”I’m sure.”
She shrugged and continued, “When I walked in the front door, I noticed a woman’s purse on the foyer table. My heart began pounding fast. My body sensed something was wrong, I guess, and then I heard David’s voice coming from upstairs.
Rina nodded encouragingly.
”Hearing his voice, I felt momentary relief, until I heard a woman laugh.”
”No! What an ass—,” Rina exclaimed.
”Yes!” She interrupted. “I was angry and terrified at the same time, but I had to know what was going on up there. I had to know for sure, anyway, and I didn’t want him to be able to lie to me later. You know?”
”I get it,” Rina said understandably.
”Our bedroom door was only part of the way closed. I stayed just outside, listening to them talk.” She closed her eyes, the memory of him talking with her; laughing with her, still vivid in her mind. His voice was tender and fun, like the David she’d known in college.
”Did you go in and confront him?” Rina asked, interrupting her thoughts.
”I did,” she responded, opening her eyes. “I was thinking, what right does he have to talk to her that way? He hasn’t talked to me like that since our honeymoon and I’m his wife!”
”Absolutely,” Rina agreed fervently.
”Well, I suddenly felt a burst of rage through the sadness and was thinking, no way. I won’t stand for this. Pushing open the bedroom door, I yelled, Stop it! Stop it now!”
”Good for you,” Rina cheered, with a smile.
She tried once again to smile back at her friend, but instead gritted her teeth as tears spilled down her cheeks. She felt her hands trembling in her lap. She started again in a whisper, “When I pushed open the door I saw David and the woman in our bed together. Seeing me, she hurried and got off, covering herself with the bed sheet. I could tell she was embarrassed.”
”She should’ve been, the bitch. What kind of woman would be so brazen?” Rina asked angrily.
”I don’t know,” she responded softly.
”What did he do when you came in?” Rina questioned, her voice raised an octave.
”I looked over at David, sure he’d be upset or embarrassed as well, but he wasn’t. He’d crossed his arms behind his head and . . .” She had to stop, not sure she could tell Rina the sad truth about this man who was supposed to love, honor and cherish her. She still couldn’t believe how little he cared about her feelings. Mumbling, she declared, “He was smiling.”
”What?” Rina blurted, a look of shock on her face.
She didn’t want to say it again, but she cleared her throat and repeated it a little more calmly. “He was smiling.”
”He was smiling? I knew he was egotistical but, what a prick.”
She looked pleadingly at her friend. As upset as she was, Rina swearing would only make it worse. Profanity never “took” with her. Rina knew it and was usually really good about refraining.
Reading her silent plea, she retorted, “All right hon, I’ll try to keep my colorful insults to myself.” Then, getting back to the asshole, she asked, “Did you walk over and smack the smile right off his good for nothing face?”
”No,” she answered faintly, this time cracking a little smile, in spite of her suffering. “I felt broken. I just stood there crying; like a fool, I know. I guess I was hoping David would come to his senses, apologize or something, but he didn’t. He laid there with his goofy smile on his face. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to run.”
”It’s understandable you couldn’t take it, sweetie. No one should have to find their spouse in bed with another person,” she vented, hostility coursing through every word.
”I still can’t believe I found him with her. Anyway, after I got in my car, I drove around aimlessly for a while, unsure of what to do, until I called you.” She heaved a big sigh, letting the air rush out, hoping some of the sickness she felt inside would go with it. She was exhausted. She wanted to lie down, or hide, or better yet, close her eyes and forget this had ever happened. She knew she couldn’t, though. Instead, she sat there, staring once again at her salad. After a few seconds, she felt Rina put a hand over hers, but still couldn’t look at her.
”I’m really . . .” Rina started.
She pulled her hand away, irritated by her kindness. She was mad; mad at David for all he’d put her through these past two years; mad at Rina for what she knew Rina would say; and mad at herself for allowing this to happen. Crossing her arms, defensive, she retorted, still unable to look at Rina, “I know I’ve been blind. I know I should’ve left him a long time ago, but I was afraid.” She looked up at Rina and exclaimed quietly, “I’m still afraid.”
”Sophie,” Rina started again.
”Stop, please stop,” she cried, needing to go on. “You’ve got to understand, he told me he’d kill me if I ever left him. Did I tell you that?”
Rina shook her head, a flicker of understanding in her eyes.
”He did. A couple of weeks after the incident.”
”I remember the incident,” Rina uttered.
”Well, because of the incident, and what he said, you can understand I believe him.” Looking imploringly into her friends eyes, she added, “Please, say you understand.”
Suddenly she couldn’t take the pain inside anymore. Closing her eyes, she shook her head, trying to wake herself from the horrible nightmare which was her life. Predictably, nothing happened. Defeated, she opened her eyes and went back to staring at her uneaten salad. Her salad was starting to wilt. No fiesta today, she thought dryly.
She heard Rina scoot her chair closer, felt Rina wipe the tears from her cheeks. Anticipating sympathy from her friend, she looked up, surprised instead to see an empathetic tenderness which immediately comforted her.
”Sophie dear, it’s just awful this has happened. My heart is breaking for you; to see you in such pain. I’ll help you get through this. Whatever it takes.” Rina leaned closer to her, putting an arm around her. “I know you love David and I know you’re afraid of him as well.” She paused, pushing a strand of loose hair out of her face before going on. “You’re this amazing, beautiful, wonderful person. It’ll be all right. Somehow, between the two of us, you’ll get through it.”
”Thank you for helping me. I hope I can get through it. I really do,” she muttered somberly.
”I know it seems hard, but you’ve got to be strong. You do realize now what a complete di, idiot David is. Leave him and let’s find you some real happiness.
”Strong,” she sighed, overwhelmed.
”Yes,” Rina continued. “You were strong when your parents died. Look at all you accomplished before you married David. You’ve got your Masters Degree in Art. You’ve got a teaching certificate. You graduated with honors from both high school and college. Anyone should feel blessed to have you in their life. I know I do. Come on. You can do it.”
She nodded her agreement, but had no idea where to begin. The whole idea of moving forward felt too staggering to comprehend.
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Sharon reviewed Version 1 -
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First of all…
”...with Sophie crying uncontrollably into her salad.” Maybe you meant she cried over her salad. Crying in to a salad is gross.
“It was, after all, her favorite restaurant and one of her favorite places.” We know it’s her favorite restaurant. Saying it’s one of her places is repetitive because it’s a given that she likes the place.
“Her salad was starting to wilt.” What? She would have to sit there for hours for her salad to wilt in front of her.
There are other grammar issues throughout. Keep an eye out for repetition and run-on sentences!
Anyway… I love the way you tell a story. Your attention to detail is very good. Almost too good. I had to read 930 words before I found out why she was crying so much. The last half (in my opinion) is much stronger than the first half. The first half goes in to so much detail about the salad, the restaurant, her parents, etc… I kept waiting for the reason behind the tears.
Why is she crying so much over this guy? He’s been threatening to kill her ever since the “incident” (whatever that is). He treats her like crap. He’s a known adulterer and he couldn’t care less that she walks in on him with another woman in her own bed. Sophie seems exceptionally weak. To cry buckets of tears and not be able to speak for 20 minutes is a bit extreme. Most women would be so pissed they wouldn’t be crying at all.
But I do like all the detail. I can perfectly picture the restaurant, the table and everything else around her. Though, I can’t picture her or her friend at all. It would have been nice to have a visual of her. I don’t know how old she is, what color hair she has, what her body size is, if her make-up is smeared, how she’s dressed…
It’s an interesting concept. You have a great way of putting words together. It read very smoothly and I am eager to see the next chapter where she cuts his penis off and throws it in the field, forcing him to have it surgically reattached and start a business in porn.
Thanks for writing.
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readme_pelle reviewed Version 1 -
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I appreciated the graceful way in which you presented the story in the beginning, it did not begin abruptly or seem rough in places as many first chapters of novels tend to seem to me, at least. You jumped right into the action and introduced your characters very well, then brought your readers along with you and enticed us to want more.
I enjoyed it
Farrah
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