ah, I live in the UK, so not many people I know understand any at all! thanks for reviewing.
Journalism / The OJ Simpson Award 2007
As with celebrities, it is the land of the free, America, to whom we must turn for our great athletes of the past year.
This time last year Michael Vick was nothing but a quarterback/running back for the Arizona Falcons. Now he is, and perhaps forever will be, known for setting up dog fights.
Of course the last time anyone in Britain had a dog fight was when the Nazi’s tried to win the skies above Kent.
Vick is one of my sports stars of 2007 because he has gone from fame to stardom so quickly and with such an unusual crime. If he had been in Spain or France no-one would bat an eyelid. But this is the western world dammit, we don’t stand for the abuse and exploitation of small furry animals, unless it belongs to a wasted celebrity…
Marion Jones is my token female sports star of 2007. She’s just been stripped of her Olympic medals. Because she cheated. She used drugs. At least its an isolated case…
I was in San Francisco when Barry Bonds equalled and broke the coveted home run record. He’s been accused of steroid and growth hormone use for years. Perhaps because he is now twice the size he was ten years ago. His record will forever be tainted and he’s recently been up in court. It’s really a competiton between him and Michael Vick for the title of ‘OJ Simpson of the 21st Century.’
The New York Yankees are being sued by a fan. Why? Because it recently came to light that most of the team have been using steroids. What is it with athletes and steroid use? Does it make them feel big?
Of course the fan who is suing to get his ticket costs back is the least of their problems… it’s bad news for America’s pastime.
OJ Simpson is also in the running for ‘OJ Simpson of the 20th Century.’ A decade after literally getting away with the (alleged) murder of his wife he published a book on how he would ‘hypothetically’ have commited the crime.
He then went on to be arrested in Vegas for kidknap and theft. He claims he was ‘reclaiming’ stolen possesions. He’s been found guilty this time. Tupac was murdered in Vegas in 1994. I wouldn’t be suprised if became apparent OJ was responsible…
My final sports star of 2007 is Tom Brady. Partially out of admiration, but some ridicule too.
Tom Brady is the quarterback for the New England Patriots. Since 2007 Brady has led the Pats to a record 17-0 season, throwing a record 50 touchdown passes. All incredibly impressive.
BUT Tom Brady has also been busy knocking up actresses and supermodels. Within months of each other. That’s actually pretty impressive. Thats sexual intercourse, with two amazingly attractive women. Both of whom got pregnant. So obviously his semen has all the strength and steely determination of Wes Welker…
I can’t see the resulting kids being too disapointed with the situation.
Kid A: My dad won a promotion
Brady jnr: My dad won a superbowl. 3 times
Kid A: Well, my dad rides a Ferrari
Brady jnr: well my dad rides Gisele AND she was in a Jimmy Fallon film!
There have been a fair few critics wondering why Brady didn’t use a contraception.
But Tom probably did buy condoms and put them in his jacket.
Except Tom Brady always remains calm on the ball, and if he can get the ball away in the face of 400lb man mountains then what chance does a size zero model have of forcing Brady to fumble in the pocket?
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quaintfungus reviewed Version 1 -
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alston reviewed Version 1 -
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I really enjoyed this piece. As an English sports fan, I am familiar with the revelations of athletes trying to get ahead in their field. This piece is enlightening, giving a glimpse at how corrupt games and players can be on the other side of the Atlantic. I enjoyed the humour greatly and could expect to see this tongue-in-cheek article in a national newspaper (although probably minus the OJ/Tupac allegations!). Good stuff!
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itacaregaucho reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this piece, but if I live in USA maybe I understand all, because I’m live in Brazil (I meet OJ, but I don’t know about Tom Brady …)
But is possible feel irony and humor in this nice piece!
Keep writing!
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