Romance / Anomaly

Tender kisses on bloody lips. What does that mean? Did she just get out of a fight? Did someone hit her? Did you bite your lip?

can change to: He places passionate but tender kisses on my bleeding lips.

You had: I am the girl that likes to rebel.
Change to: Rules do not have meaning to me. I am free like the wind moving from town to town.

You write: I laugh at the boy that will not hit back. What boy are you talking about? Are you a fighter?

Please explain who the boy is in your story.

• add/view comments (1)

January 21, 2008

by faydiablo

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
151	61.8% (34 votes)	38.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
15	F	United States	August 29

Bleeding lips = the girl’s own impurity.
It is not meant to be taken seriously.

Also, “I am the girl that likes to rebel” fits in with the rest of the poem. That matters.

Next, “the boy” = boys that won’t fight her. It says in the poem (did you actually read the whole thing? It doesn’t seem like it) “I fight”.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

This is both dark and romantic. Actually that makes it pretty great. I gather that guy who is the love interest is a complete opposite of her. Why does he want her? Maybe she completes him. I think you put your point across. Very talented!!!!

your rhythm is a little choppy near the end. Try counting syllables instead of forcing rhyme. Nice thought though, quite entertaining.