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Poetry / I Must Believe There Is More
Rain falling; washing away the tracks of pain,
Steps I cannot feel as the cold winds invade,
Time has passed or has it stopped?
I care not; time no longer matters.
I want to see you one more time,
I want to feel your arms about me,
Feel the kiss you gently place upon my head,
Oh God, I just want to feel again.
Did I pass this block before or am I somewhere new?
A car honks as I step down off the curb,
I stop and stare but cannot see,
Tears blind me through the downpour.
How can death seem so final?
I want so badly to believe that you walk beside me.
It must be you blowing my hair gently,
Letting me know that you share my pain.
I can’t go on if there is nothing more.
I can’t wake each day and know I’ll never see you.
I must believe that there is another plain.
Where we will walk in sunshine, once again.
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Iffer reviewed Version 1 -
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Not gonna lie, i almost cried when i read this. it is so sad and very beautifully writen. There’s really not to much i can say for you to improve on. maybe in the last stanza you could maybe reword the first too lines so that you dont have “i can’t” twice. you dont have to if you dont want to, it’s great the way it is.
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stum reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a nice piece of poetry. I like this line: I stop and stare but cannot see. I like this poem because it brings across the writer’s feelings clearly and describes what the persona wants to do. Basically it’s clear. Good job.
josiehellyes reviewed Version 1 -
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you have a very interesting way with words. i enjoyed it quite well. i like the end. it’s sad, but hopeful..which always makes for a good combo, i think.
Amanda reviewed Version 1 -
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The bittersweet mix of the speaker’s loss and hope is evident within this piece. But overall, this is simply a poem that I have read hundreds of times. Not that it is not done well enough, but there is no freshness within the idea, at least for me. Maybe you could find a way of showing what the speaker is feeling, rather than telling us about it. Give us a poem that lives and breathes beyond the page.
Maroonone reviewed Version 1 -
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I clearly understood the message of this poem. The write allows the reader to feel the pain. “can’t go on if there is nothing more.
I can’t wake each day and know I’ll never see you.”
Even though the writes feel that death is final he did not finish on a negative note but states that, “must believe that there is another plain.
Where we will walk in sunshine, once again.”
I appreciated the pace and flow of words throughout. The author clearly pulls you in as if you are the one feeling his loss. This piece was cleverly written.
JganJay reviewed Version 1 -
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Powerful, moving. Just about anyone who has lost someone can relate to this. It is clear that this piece was born of pain and it is beautiful yet horrible.
gotangential reviewed Version 1 -
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I got stuck on the second to last line of the poem:
“I must believe that there is another plain.”
Unless I’m reading this incorrectly, the word “plain” seems wrong. I could imagine two possible words that you may have intended.
1. plan
2. plane
Both make sense. plane rhymes.
Beyond that I liked it very much. In particular I like the flow of paragraph 3.
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