Definitely more. I’ve sketched up to chapter 14. This is a proper novel, hopefully.
Glad you liked,
xsashaxpatriciax
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Die Little Birdy - Part Two
Chapter One
Right to Trespass?
The corridor seemed to stretch forever. No pretty paintings and potted plants decorated it. The corridor was empty. Of decorations, plants, sound, furniture and life. Not completely but almost. For on a stiff, wooden seat sat a lone teenager. Nauseous she held her head in her hands as she silently waited.
She didn’t sit in a hospital awaiting news of a sick relative. She sat in the corridor of a place far less sympathetic. At least at a hospital bad news can come with a reassuring smile. There, people are more willingly to help then take away your freedom, hope and money. One big difference, is there you are not judge. Not generally.
At the courts it is a different story. Millions of cases are heard, tried and judged by. Citizens enter determined and hopeful luck will be on their side. They leave in one of three ways. Handcuffed; their freedom, hope and money stolen. Desperate for a bottle to sob over; their hope and money gone. Ready to celebrate; their money a small price to pay.
On a hot summer’s day, one girl awaited the start of her case. She was no juvenile delinquent who justice had caught up to. Not technically. She sat outside a Sydney court because she’d refused to stay away. Time and time again she had committed an offence trespassing upon the private property searching for logic.
“Genevieve.”
The teenager turned to see her solicitor coming towards her. Genevieve stared at him knowing her case was about to commence.
Her solicitor sat beside her, “Good morning.”
“Hello, Kheen.”
Phillip Kheen. A slightly overweight man in his middle thirties. He always try to look his best. Crisp shirts, regular trips to the barber and so on. But short in stature he had pudgy legs and a belly that threatened to burst from his restraining shirt. His problem appeared a love of tasteful food. A fact proven by the extra cream, extra sugar, large coffee in his hand.
“How are you feeling?” Kheen’s attempt at small talk, “It’s ok if your nervous. Everyone gets scared.”
“I’m ok. I I . . . I don’t know what to plead.”
Kheen sighed expecting this, “We have talked a lot about this. Haven’t we?”
“Yeah.”
“Well I believe you should plead guilty. The evidence against you is overwhelming. The police officer,-”
“Matthews? The bastard.” Genevieve muttered.
“-catching you trespassing every time, you leaving behind a number of fingerprints and also your belongings being recovered inside the house.” Kheen said, “If you plead not guilty, the prosecution will tear you apart. You do understand, don’t you?”
“So guilty . . . even though I have every right to be there.”
“You don’t have the right. There is no evidence to support your claims.”
“But it’s true. I’m her daughter!”
“In court they only care about claims that can be supported by admissible evidence. It is the evidence that will determine your guilt or innocence. That is why you really should plead guilty.” Kheen paused, “I could then argue exceptional circumstances. With the house being the first place you were . . . discovered-,”
“Half dead because of her.”
“-you returned to understand your life, your parents et cetera. Its plausible and gives good reason why you refused to stay away.”
“What good would that do?”
“Judge may give you six to twelve months of good behaviour.” he said, “But on the promise that you never return to the house.”
“And why would you think I’d promise such a thing?”
The door to the courtroom opened and the court clerk appeared. She motioned towards Kheen who stood and approached her. They shared a hushed conversation but Genevieve didn’t care. Her attention turned towards the window at the end of the corridor. She started to wander towards it thinking about what Kheen had said.
The battle waged in her mind. Guilty or innocent? Innocent or guilty?
Innocent!
“Genevieve!”
She turned and saw Kheen waiting for her. She hurried over understanding that court was about to commence. She followed behind Kheen after a small reassuring nod that she would do the right thing. As the door closed behind them she felt her wisp of confidence spontaneously combust.
Suddenly Genevieve felt hundreds of tiny hands grip her soul. They squeezed her tighter and tighter and the blood drained from her face. She gasped as millions of tiny lights blurred her vision. Her breaths became rapid and shallow and she reached out for something to steady herself.
“Are you ok?” Kheen.
“I’m fine. I’m fine!”
An hour later and her emotions ripped through her. Genevieve sat on the stand desperate to remain calm. Smile when your nervous. People will think your confident. The advice didn’t help, her smile beginning to fade. She noticed the judge staring at her already making his own judgments.
The prosecution moved in front of Genevieve, “Miss Parker, do you deny being at the residence of Damara Pribek?”
“No.”
“Why have you then pleaded not guilty?”
Genevieve carefully responded, “Because I believe I had every right to be there. Not only is it the place I grew up in but it is also the last place I saw my mother. I feel-”
“Your mother? Why is it, after years as a child of the state, you have decided to announce you do know the identity of your mother.” the prosecution replied, “Why now?”
“I, I have always said I know her identity. That she knows me and I her. I lived with her for six years, why would I have forgotten her?” Genevieve said, “I went through hell. She neglected me, she beat me, she kicked me and sometimes she got the knives out. Why?” a smile flashed upon her lips, “She enjoyed it.”
“Who do you claim your mother to be?”
Genevieve swalowed, “Damara Pribek.”
The prosecution turned to the judge, “There you go. Proof that this teenage girl, the accused, is nothing more than a liar. She-”
“Objection! She is painting a picture for the court based on nothing more than interpretation!” Kheen snapped raising from his chair. “Where is the factual evidence?”
The prosecution nodded mockingly at Kheen, “Withdrawn. Miss Parker, evidence is there to support your claims?”
“I don’t have any scientific evidence or proof.”
Kheen sighed as he stood, “There is no factual evidence available. A large amount of circumstantial evidence, however, is present.”
The prosecution lunged, “Circumstantial evidence should not be admissible. It is not factual, just an interpretation of events.”
“Fuck the factual evidence!”
The room’s attention shot at Genevieve who had stood. She glared as she moved her eyes from each face careful to avoid Kheen’s. She shook sightly as she began to regret the drinks she had consumed only hours ago. She only now realised her stupid mistake.
“It doesn’t matter. What does matter is I lived there. For six years it was my home. Because my mother thought it fun she beat me almost every night. I was her punching bag.” Genevieve said, “And it’s just the way it was.”
The judge regained his composure, “Miss Parker, sit down immediately.”
“I ask what the accused said to be struck from the record.” the prosecution said, “There is neither proof nor evidence supporting these claims.”
The judge nodded.
“Listen to me god damn it! I’m not lying. I’m telling you the blatant truth. I don’t give a shit if you don’t want the great Damara Pribek to be a child abuser. A woman who had a child no one ever knew about.” a newly seated Genevieve snapped, “But I do give a shit if you treat me as if my words aren’t important.”
The judge cut across Genevieve’s next sentence, “Miss Parker, you will remain silent unless asked a direct question. Understood?”
“No!”
“Excuse me? I am asking you to remain silent and show respect in my courtroom.” the judge said, “If not I will have you removed. Right now I’m ready to decide your case.”
Genevieve shrugged, “Fine! But you’re going to listen to me before you kick me out. Understood?”
“Security!”
“I lived there, I was abused there and I almost died there! Why the hell do you think I went back? For kicks?” Genevieve screamed like a mad teenager, “I wanted to make sense of it. To understand how the fucked up criminal ‘justice’ system managed to allow that to happen to a defenseless child.” security grabbed her but she fought back, “How the government managed to never know I existed for six, fucked up years.”
Security pulled Genevieve off the stand and tried to get her out of the room. She screamed curses, insults and alarming statements aimed at the judge and prosecution. She knew it would affect the outcome. By now she didn’t care. She wanted people to know the truth. If it meant a record, so be it.
Kheen turned to the judge, “Your honour, I wish court to be adjourned for a break.”
“Court is adjourned. We will recommence once a decision is reached.”
“Please, your honour, I-”
The judge silenced Kheen, “I have enough evidence to make a fair and just decision. Let’s not waste any more of taxpayer’s money.”
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mon_domino reviewed Version 5 -
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YolandaRenee reviewed Version 5 -
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Bargo reviewed Version 5 -
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Not recommended…again. If I see a warning that tell me “Not recommended for consumption’ do I dare swallow and then await the consequences. No. Preferably the line should read. Recommended for those who enjoy teen genre’.
Much better than part one. The story flowed easier this time although there are still some grammatical errors which I am sure you will clean up.
‘Citizens entered determined and hopeful luck will be on their side’ this is your reference as to the millions of cases heard by the courts. I suspect, thankfully, that you have never appeared before a magistrate and as one who has, determined so not my emotional state at the time yet hopeful was.
Person is a common adjective that arises often and sometime confuses. It maybe better to specify who that person is.
Your segmented story line has me intrigued as the first chapter is not the beginning and the second is based on events prior to the first chapter.
As I have stated much better.
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angee_jay reviewed Version 5 -
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very good piece, interesting subject matter so made for a fast read. in the beginning there was some repetition that interrupted the flow, specifically around the losing their money and hope part, but just until the pace picked up. i also particularly liked the description when she was on the stand and how the advice went out of the window, it just rung true. a very good piece and i think a strong subject matter. will there be more?
sexysadie77 reviewed Version 5 -
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You are correct in stating this is for over 16, you actually may want to revise to over 18, for language. I am not a fan of this genre, but this was a fabulous read. Kept me intersted throughout. Great characters. They are very believable. I am excited to read the first chapter of this now!!! Keep up the awesome writing. Great work.
David_Harty reviewed Version 3 -
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Well it isn’t ready for publishing but one could hardly say it was awful or even bad. You got something going here which means you’re heading in the right direction, if your ranking had a “to have talent worth shaping” choice, I would have given you a ten on that…But it didn’t so I gave you a five and a seven…Good luck, peace and God bless…
sharkseek reviewed Version 3 -
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I love the phrase “aged child ghost”
a few “polishing” tips:
“boardered up.” should read boarded up
“even if she’d once lived here” i might change “if” to though.
”
her bottle rolling away cursing loudly” sounds as though it was her bottle doing the cursing.
“who he was looking out” out should be at
I’m a bit confused as to the girl’s age. Is she grown up and returning, or is she a child still?
Overall the story is well written, just needs spelling and grammar checked. Your plot is sound, and the style is good!
IrishLuck reviewed Version 3 -
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I would have to say based on what I have read of Part Two (without having read part one, I might add) that is a great read thus far. Lol, I can understand about being scared, I too am scared of any reviews I get. But I find relief in them. I do look forward to reading Part One and Part Three when it comes to the board. And I also wish you luck with other reviewers! Overall I give you a 10.
RitaStorry reviewed Version 3 -
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My dear, I have read this twice and you definately have a lot of talent. I am sorry to say, that your age does shine through though. It seems to be a bit of an effort for the descriptive words to flow readily. Don’t let this slow you down though…when I read my early stuff, I laugh…and I will be published soon.
Keep nurturing that talent.
C. Anne
coolerthanyou23 reviewed Version 3 -
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I think more description and background is needed in order to let the reader understand the work better. This resembles a rough draft, in many aspects as far as the abrupt character introductions and how the literary thought process transition doesn’t flow as smoothly as it could. Remember, practice makes perfect and will help build a more solid literary work!
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