Poetry / I Owe it All to You..."Brother"

This must have been hugely cathartic for you.  To be bullied outside the home is one this but when it is inside it is entirely another.  Well done.

I thought this was exceptional.  Very expressive, and unsure on publisher’s take of the few more “colorful” wording used here (OK let’s just call them cuss-words. ;)) they certainly don’t bother me, but I’m not aware of whether or not that can cut away at potential readers/consumers.

Overall, it made me want to know more.. and it flowed well.

Thanks for sharing.

It’s quite a surface poem. It doesn’t really have a complex meaning, which is sometimes good. This is very direct, very angry. It seems that, of course, you had a rough childhood because of your older brother, and you feel great animosity towards him. Personally, I don’t like rhyming poems, or repetitive poems, for that matter. You’re point seems to be strengthened, however, by the lines and words you repeat, so I commend you for that bit. The rhyming annoys me a bit, however. It doesn’t rhyme throughout, which is good, but where it does rhyme, to me it seems kind of forced.

Overall a good piece, very heated, spur of the moment kind of thing, I assume. Quite good, but can use some work. Keep it up!

“asshole spoiled jerk muscle-bound madman” just does not evoke an image of “poetry” as much as someone just venting their frustrations. Tha’s ok, it’s good to vent, and this piece does have structure and form, as well as conveying the message clearly. I just have a problem with some of the phrasing and choice of words. Another is: “a fat truck driver” ... sorry, it starts and ends very well, just dig out the thesaurus and you’ll be fine. :)

I have a brother this could apply to, for he did the same things to me as your brother did to you.  So, it’s a very understandable piece, but parts of it seem like flat-out name-calling instead of ‘revealing the truth’ about a poisonous soul.  I would focus more on what you’ve become despite (or because of) his help, and I would also concentrate on kindnesses you paid which he returned with violence or petty actions.  
Nevertheless, this is still an emotional piece, and I think it’s very easily understood.  Those with similar siblings can relate very well, because we have all felt this.  Love to read more!  It’s quite raw, and that’s where it’s power is!

I think you wrote this about my brother! I’m serious! I thought this piece was very well expressed. Your passion, and emotion come through very well. I think this piece was angry in a way, but it worked. You had good balance as you pulled things together very well. This was a hard one to critique because I felt it was from the heart, and one can not judge anothers heart. I think this piece has a powerful message. I liked it because it reads honest, and I think readers can relate on different levels making this really come to life.

I thought this poem was a mature reflection
of a torturous a relationship that catapulted you
into being who you are. You feel a certain debt
of gratitude, I see, and have a responsability
to be bigger, and more, than the one who humiliated you
and bullied and beat you -elevating and helping
you find wings to take flight.
Perhaps at first, as you say, you took flight
across the room, leaping over furniture,
skirting around tables, trying to get away -
until you ran away and then you ran and ran
until you ran into yourself; more than you might
ever have imagined yourself to be.
Now you have a debt and a responsability
to be more than he, more benevolent than he.
I’m glad you took out your angst in this poem.
And I think you give him more credit than he
deserves! I think 20 is more than fair it is
most likely a gross exaggeration: he is probably
closer to 3 years old.
Your words felt so controlled; so measured.
Your words could give hope to any downtrodden
youngster in a similar situation.
It would be nice to see this poem in a book
of literature for the young!
Of course, you would have to change the last word!
A jerk! would be better for the young.
(even though they probably use words worse than
asshole)
well crafted, not over the top, or trite.
the writing was contained and elegant despite
a very tough topic.
Thanks for sharing of yourself and your life.
A very intimate thing.
I applaud also your fortitude and courage!
I appreciate this!
E~

Technique: excellent form, love the way you set-up the stanzas: especially the 3rd and 4th … they bring your voice to the poem. I wouldn’t use ass/asshole as many times, makes the ending less impactful.. I’d at least consider taking the asshole in the line with spoiled jerk out.. and in the last line where you say asshole again (you want that to have the dramatic punch right?) you need punctuation.  Content: Bravo! It is even better knowing it is for real.