Novel Treatments / An Unexpected Turn

It’s difficult to review any piece where the author has made a weak statement to himself or herself.  I gave this 1’s just to move on and out.  I must have found something interesting about the title or I wouldn’t have chosen it.  If this is only a fly on the wall I’d love to know which fly on what wall.  Perhaps it’s just a wild-goose-chase of the mind.  I can relate to that.  The spelling and punctuation is challenging.  This “bald weevil” needs a home.  

I’m not sure what to make of this as it sounds more like a rant than the beginnings of a novel.  Where do you intend to go with this?  There’s a lot of passion but it’s undirected.

Your grammar is killing everything you have to say. I don’t know how to get around to your point when you don’t work with the rules of the road. I don’t mean to discourage you, but writers must master the fundamentals before they have a story. I don’t see much compelling here but angst I recommend you let go of since it’s been done in literature too many times. Tell me something truly unique. Go a little deeper. Pick up some books on writing.

If you could find a way to organize your thought it would be easier to follow. There are grammer issues throughout. All of your sentences begin with a lower case letter. All of the I’s are lower case as well.

If you’re trying to make it look like you wrote this in a hurry, you did it right. Otherwise, you have a lot of typographical errors. This doesn’t sound like a novel unless you are going for RANT. There’s a market for it, but it needs to be tighter with more of a twist. This just seems angry and scattered. I did like parts of it.

Did you mean to place this in novel treatments?  Just wondering because while I have read many a poem in lower case, I have never read a novel in lower case.  Perhaps there is one out there, especially now with all the print on demand places.  Of course you could always pay someone about 10 cents a word to proof the entire story when you are done. The stream of consciousness is interesting and there are some great novella’s in stream of conscious narration.  Maybe if you left some notes about where you are headed with this we could give more constructive feedback for you.

my favourite line is ‘fuck spells’ (SUPERB in its semantic as well as its phonic sense).i also loved the last line.

i think you’ve got a good, pacy, commanding voice, like you might, unlike 97% of the work on here, be interesting to listen to.

but be careful: we’ve all heard a rant. you need to tie this to a story now. it’s a cool voice, but focus it somewhere worthwile.

i assume you’re normalising the punctuation later, but, given my interest in the words, it didn’t bother me.

you have even more sharpness in you, I suspect, so try to be as cruel, as witty, as knifed, as possible.

7.8/10

I don’t understand the rating concept for Attract and agent…to be reviewed..
to be seen by…They don’t apply to me so I always give them a 1.

Your writing rant felt like my own except for the music producer part. Everything, enery-religion/manipulation-the hatred toward my fellow humans. Pathetic they are. On the other hand I am thankful for religion, can you imagine all those fucktards running around thinking for themselves? lol

You piece is easily identified with. I like the “I don’t f*ng care about punctuation and capitalization format. It is appropriate. I think loads of people share your perspective and they will be relieved to see it in black and white and in someone else’s words.  I see it as a successful entry in a book of random thoughts and ideals.

In all honesty, there are so many punctuation, grammar and capitalization errors that it is sad. Twenty years old and what we have here is someone more or less lamenting (which is not bad in and of itself) their existence and life with complete disregard to any formal aspect of actual writing. i should be I.

There is a definite interest in this piece, a strong voice and style, but it is being wasted away with a lack of proper punctuation and grammar, lack of honest writing.

The other thing is the vulgar word, “Fuck”. While I am not personally against any form of censorship, to write “fuck everyone” tends to offend your readers. Now, if this were something a character said in dialogue: “Fuck everyone,” he spoke angrily. That is one thing. However, to have the narrator use this strong of a language to relate to their reader is more putting the reader off rather than engaging the reader.