Limericks / Limericks from the Left #6

Line 3 and 4 need work, they do not flow well. Overall a good effort, but also a weak punch-line. Lots of potential. Re-write it.

Love it!  A political limerick.  My only suggestion is to tweak the rhythm in the last line a bit – maybe phrase it as a question instead.  The meter just seemed slightly awkward.  As far as the content though, A+.  :)

hahaha

Needs a little attention to the syllables if you want it to be “real” limerick line lengths.  Commas after law, chutzpah. Good on you.

Interesting theme. Your scansion’s a little off, though. And even with my Southern accent, “law” and “chutzpah” don’t rhyme. ;)

The rhyming and structure were well done, but it lacked excitement or intrigue.  It felt almost as if you had written it, just to write it.  Maybe just reword some things to give it a bit more life.

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February 08, 2008

by Maud

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
30	87.2% (47 votes)	5.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
60	F	Bradenton, FL	June 04

I guess you’re right. All my limericks are written as political and social commentary rather than the amusing and clever ones others write. If you find these dull can you imagine how much my novel would bore you? Sorry. Maybe I’ll try to write a fun one now and then.
Thanks for the review.

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this is not a limmerick.the limmmerick has a ceertain meter and this does not follow it!

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February 04, 2008

by Maud

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
30	87.2% (47 votes)	5.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
60	F	Bradenton, FL	June 04

Actually, this is a limerick. However, it you want to be technical the syllable count is 99669 just as it should be. The meter is a little rough but does follow the proper pattern of 33223. The way I read it, the accents as follows:
Line 1-  first syllable of singing, same, song
Line 2 – second syllable of insisting is accented, done, and wrong.
Line 3 – rule, law
Line 4 – second syllable of amazing and pah
Line 5 – second syllable of Gonzales, first syllable of lasted and long.

Clearly you didn’t like this very much so please don’t review any more. I do thank you for your time.

February 04, 2008

by brahmasong

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
175	58.8% (51 votes)	52.7%

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45	M	Boone, NC	July 30

IF YOU ENTERED “THE” I THIS LINE:
Ignoring rule of law
With amazing chutzpah

with
Ignoring rule of “the”law
With amazing chutzpah

i think that really rounds it!take a closer look

also don’t you think the last line should be ”’HOW’ gonzalez lasted so long”?hey what’s up with the “don’t review anymore?maam please don’t take it so personal
i only do this in the spirit of sharing!i appologize if i upset you or whatever!
friends okay?

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I’ll bet this is the first time chutzpah has appeared in a poem. Fun.
I like the rest of this better than the second line, maybe because ‘gone’ is a stretch with ‘song’ and ‘long’. How about a second line with ‘wrong’ – that should be easy given the subject.
I enjoyed it; thanks
D

Well, you’ve definitely amassed quite a collection of these. I think they are quite strong as a group. But seriously, tell us how you REALLY feel! :p