Flash Fiction / A great city is that which has the greatest men and women
A great city is that which has the greatest men and women.
In bon ton Los Angeles, with its arrant drive for success, anyone can become a stereotype or be caught with one on a street corner or a Porsche. That’s how this city lives, without reason or shame. I like to sit on and watch the people who fit nicely into boxes. I count BMW’s to pass time on the stoop. I count hybrid suburban utility vehicles with green peace stickers. I watch the people on the bus watch the people in the cars and I am reminded that there are so many reasons to wish.
The other day, I saw two young lovers kissing at the bus stop. Everyone who drove by them watched. In all honesty it was rather salacious the way they pawed each other’s genitals. To be liberal and full of whimsy, I imagined them in a Rabbit Hole. They couldn’t end that kiss if they tried. They are in love and don’t have to obey the rules of time or public decency.
It’s amazing what you can learn when you start watching and stop waiting for your turn to talk. I don’t think I’ve seen two people stop and say hello, not even a nod in passing to say “what’s up bro” without speaking.. I stroll along this neighborhood at night when the streets are empty and wonder why people who settle in the city seek the comfort of concrete, why eyes never collide, why meals are never shared, why we never touch.
Maybe people move to the big cities to be close to other humans and to feel the connection of a busy street, but still resist the intimacy of hello, how are you? Maybe some people just need an audience for their lascivious activities.
Sometimes I think we weren’t meant for these bills-jobs-needs-concrete-streets-walls-wants and all these things have pitted us against each other in competition or fear and lead us to booze-guns-needles-pills-powder-roof tops-ropes and made us afraid of a simple hello. Sometimes I just want to believe in something bigger than myself.
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I’m not sold on the informal voice, and the paragraph that starts with “Maybe..” needs quotes on the spoken words.. I also don’t get a plot in this, so I don’t think flash fiction quite covers the genre you’ve entered.. maybe non-fiction? The hyphenating in the last paragraph doesn’t work for me the second time you do it. It loses its novelty.
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You should check out Italo Calvino’s “Invisible Cities.” It reads a little bit like this piece, i think you’ll like it. That being said, i think you should put the genital line after the line where “They are in love and don’t have to obey the rules of time or public decency.” It came off abrasive, off color, when the genitals just popped out on the page.
“Maybe people move to the big cities to be close to other humans and to feel the connection of a busy street, but still resist the intimacy of hello, how are you?” I wasn’t in love with this line. You set up this piece as showing the huge disconnect between the huddled masses in modern cities. Is it, precisly, that people go to the cities to be alone? Or, if not alone, so that others can see their lavicious acts. An audience, where teh 4th wall in never broken.
This was well written, but i think the questions you pose throughout need to be more on a congruent line.
Cheers,
James
An interesting take on city life. This sort of reminded me a raw, gritty version of the narrative that takes place in sex and the city. I kind of find it hard to believe that a couple are gropping each others genitals in public next to a bus stop. This comes off as a ranting more than a short story though. I don’t know anything about the character or his situation. But the his philosophies and comments of urban life are interesting.
This is an interesting piece but I’m not sure whether it’s really flash fiction because I don’t see the fiction. Still it’s well written and you’ve come up with some very interesting ways of expressing the narrator’s view of LA and cities in general. Perhaps for me the best lines were: #1 anyone can become a stereotype or be caught with one…#2It’s amazing what you can learn when you start watching and stop waiting for your turn to talk #3…wonder why people who settle in the city seek the comfort of concrete, why eyes never collide, why meals are never shared, why we never touch. Also liked the parallel use of multiple hyphenated words in the last paragraph.
Found the line about lovers kissing at the bus stop fine until you got to the part about genital pawing, which for me was a distraction, but that’s just me, other reviewers my find it adds something.
Overall it was an interesting well written piece, I just wonder where you’re going with it and whether it is going to be a part of a larger work?
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