Poetry / If You Let Them

You deserve better
Such a talented poet
Gets tens and haiku

Very well stated.  And, not to eradicate the soul of your writing, but to strengthen by forcing you to think – line3, comma not ; and in the next to the last line, maybe leave it as ‘I won’t!’.  More force and strength behind it.

Again, I agree – thank you for voicing my thoughts. :)

The last line doesn’t seem to fit with the previous stanzas. It might make more sense if the first two stanzas were about being fed bullshit and lies, and then ending with “I’ll starve with the good word…” I think I get where you intended to go with this piece, but that last line throws everything off.

You grab me right at the beginning with an unconventional, well-written piece. I couldn’t find a thing wrong with it; great read!!

Your style and the readability of this are very good. You carried the title/theme throughout and managed a twist “I won’t let them” at the end that is clever.

I have two problems with this.
The use of “them”, “they” almost makes this sound paranoid which is far beyond how the  poem is written. You need to identify “them” and “they” or at least imply whom it is that you are talking about.

Your final sentence isn’t clear as to how this protects you from “them” and “they”. Why will you starve? How does that strike back at “them” and “they”?

Just my thoughts; hope they are of value to you.

The first stanza gives me the feeling of having nothing stable to stand on.  It’s like having no friends, having no one to trust.  There is anxiety here, a sense of frustration, and I can feel it.

Proper punctuations, pacing, and capitalization are ok.  There’s nothing wrong with this poem, at least in the technical sense, it’s just that I was never too fond of poems with anxiety.

The good in this poem…
Is that you are expressing yourself.  You are releasing your anxiety.

The weakness of this poem…
It sounds stiff.  I feel that in the attempt to express your anxiety/frustration, you have given less attention to the experience of the reader(me).  This poem does not stir my feelings, not that I do not have any, believe me, I can relate to the idea if I really think hard about it and imagine what you might be going through.  But that is just it.

Suggestios for further improvement…
If this poem is just for you, then it’s already good as it can be.  But if it is a poem that is for good reader experience, then I’d say you have to approach the topic from a different perspective.  

Ask yourself, as the reader is tackling each stanza, how would he feel?  

You are proficient with words, I can see that.  You have no problems here technically, this is a well editted poem.  Just improve on the reader experience.

Thanks for sharing!

Best regards.

i sincerely hope you publish your words or at least put your words in something where other people can read them

I liked this it reminded me how how I kept myself going in high school because I actually liked to learn. I like the ambiguity of them becasue there is always a them. I like that you were able to convey some of yourself in the poem. when we take big risk, we get sweet rewards.

I like the message, but the “them” was unclear. And vague. Their flaws, who they are, etc.

Couldn’t find a flaw.  I liked it.  I’m not positive as to what it’s exactly about but it sounds religeous or has something to do with creativity.  That’s just my thoughts though.  Write on, you’ve got skills!