Poetry / Knife (Analysis)

This is very dark. I liked the part where it had the red wine/blood comparison. that line kept me reading. i should of read the notes before reading. because it just seemed weird to tell all about something like this on a website. g.ood work

I love how you ntroduced the setting.the mood is a firm and suddle one.i very much enjoyed reading this.keep this up.

I like this a lot. Humor noir in the joys of such dialogue with a now less than significant other. I sense that you’ve written what you envisioned in mid conversation during this meal. Good to hear the stabbing was fictitious. Perhaps a stabbing with a spork maybe less brutal. I also appreciate the optimism in your find of smokes.

Drop me a line when you finish this. I’d like to see where you take it.

This is pretty rough, but it definately has potential in the writing.  Remember that poetry is the telling of some kind of emotion.  Even though that emotion is not obvious at first, it is in the reading and unfolding of the poem that the reader experiences it.  You explain well the event in the poem when you write “There are stains left on the table cloth.” But you do not elaborate.  One way to put it is “There are stains left on the table cloth still wet.”  By adding just small words or phrases can make a difference.  Hope to see more of what you write.

hey, don’t tell us the stabbing didn’t really happen—it’s what gives the poem its pizzazz!
i think the ending could be better, although i can’t really think of a better one myself(but that’s your job, isn’t it). some kind of punchier line…something that either makes it clearer that the stabbing is metaphorical, or takes the metaphor farther.
but overall i liked the poem.

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July 20, 2008

by miamonster

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
111	82.4% (74 votes)	11.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	Togo	December 02

the stabbing isn’t metaphorical…

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This poem is one of the best that I have encountered in some time! I absolutly love it it’s witty but dark all the same. Though it is a tad on the morbid side you even it out nicely with your humor. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your writing =)

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April 17, 2008

by miamonster

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
111	82.4% (74 votes)	11.7%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	F	Togo	December 02

Thank you very much :)

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I have a weakness for dark fiction and dark humor, so I love this poem. Especially since the stabbing didn’t actually happen.  Thus, it is the cathartic imagination of a civilized person who would have liked this to happen,(to him – assuming it’s a him by the “favorite shirt” and the “Camels”). Much of my short stories and dark poetry are justice themed and you convey a bit of injustice by your tone. I love the way you casually mention that you stabbed him, between throwing the wine and the spilling the blood on the “perfectly good salad.” Adding , that you planned on stealing it. Excellent example of the couple’s intimacy. I love the passive, ironic villany of the line ending with “the unfortunate series of events.” You just have to smile a wicked grin at that line.  I love vengeful poetry. This is a good one!
Ardriana

i like the simplicity of L3 – an inventively ‘matter-of-fact’, semicolon-ised (not semi-colonised!) line, with wonderfully uncommon rhythm.

should ‘i think from’ be ‘i think of’?

i really like the last line too, and especially the idea that someone’s attention would be on cigarrettes as someone was there before them bleeding.

blood on salad is also a nice image; leads me to think this might be a salad dressing metaphor.

overall i really like the bizarreness of it. a very good ‘Salad Messing’, so to speak.