Young Adult / Diary Entry, Study of an msn conversation

Mid November.
14:43 a1/p1
I’ve been left home alone when it’s a teacher only day at school. It’s an oppurtunity most people my age would use to get drunk or stoned, but not me. My mother has made me stay at home to study for my upcoming NCEA level 1 science exam. She keeps telling me how lucky I am that I get to do it a year earlier than everyone else, and how great it is that I don’t have any other exams this year, but I just cannot be bothered studying at the moment. Besides, I’m going to Wellington to visit my dad tomorrow morning and no doubt he will have prepared a strict regime of study. Carol also asked me to tidy my bedroom, which was a mission and a half. I managed to fill up two plastic supermarket bags with assorted rubbish found in my wardrobe and on the floor. On top of that I had to pack for Wellington and clean out my drawers. I use the top drawer of my beside table to keep random things in and here is what I found in it in the order I pulled each item out:
A following letter from my dad, which was sent to me a couple of weeks ago, nice of him to send the previous NCEA papers up to me, although we are doing them in class, and although I do have 2 study books with past exam questions in them. Also the curriculum no longer includes geology or astronomy, but still a nice gesture. Luckily, he never actually sent the 2004 papers. I guess he’ll have them all ready for me when I get to his house tomorrow.

An Elizabeth Arden blusher, it’s in a really nice container, and the blush was quite a cool pink colour, I almost never wear blusher but it actually looks pretty good, and natural, perhaps I should start wearing it?
A Now 8 CD. Oh God, that must be ancient, we are up to Now 22 now. Oh yeah, I remember I found it months ago, the last time I ransacked my bedroom. It’s so funny listenting to the songs on it, they used to be cool but now just sound, so poppy and cheesy.
A double plug, you know the kind you put into the socket and then you can put two more electrical thingees on to it so you can have heaps of things going out of one socket. My mum is always saying that my granddad invented those things, but I think he just worked at the factory that invented them.
A reel of Sellotape.
2 mini Popsicle wrappers.
Maybelline XXL waterproof mascara (almost empty), I remember when those two brushed mascaras first came out I was all like, whoah how cool, but with that one, I would put on the white undercoat and then put on the black topcoat, but you could always still see the white and everyone would be like ‘Cool Emily, you’ve got silver mascara’ Grr
My orange necklace. It’s a really long necklace with big orange beads, I brought it because I’m at Miro house at school and our house colour is orange so I wanted to wear it at swimming sports, athletics day etc. I must try to wear it sometimes in my regular wardrobe.
A page of maths notes which I cannot understand. I must have been doing that thing where I just write down all the notes the teacher writes on the board so I look like I’m doing something but really Im not listening at all.
A map of Paris, I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 years now since Me, Dad and Elsa all went to Paris, I remember everything so vividly. I can’t wait to go back there. The worst thing about the trip was that I look DISGUSTING in all our photos.
A pen lid
One small pair of scissors and the big black kitchen scissors.
A quick unpick, left over from term 1 and 2 this year when I was doing fabrics technology, big mistake as I was absolutely useless and took so long to do everything that I only ever made 1 item of clothing, a hideous skirt.
A glassons tag, left over from the last time I went shopping in Napier with Crystal, Cara and Rebecca.
Raspberry Pavlova flavoured lip-gloss. What’s a raspberry pavlova??
A Paris travel guide, I was reading it last night.
Destinys Child Number 1’s Cd.
Disc 1 of All Stars of Hip Hop and R&B
My old Roxy Wallet
Case for one of cd’s I’ve burnt. No, I don’t burn illegal cds. I have my own method. It’s slightly geeky but I’m pretty sure it’s not illegal. I open up Sound Recorder on the computer and then turn on the radio, when a good song comes on I turn it up really loud, record it and save it to my library. When I have enough songs, I burn them onto a blank cd. You’re thinking I’m a nerd/freak aren’t you? Well, I just call it creative innovation.
A piece of cardboard, with attempts at designing a logo for our business enterprise group at school.
A 2005 calendar I brought in Paris but never used.
An old calculator
A print out of the following msn conversation with Rebecca which took place around end of august, beginning of September. It’s interesting to see how things have changed/ stayed the same.
YUS!!

Emarle says:

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Hello, loser.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
OMGGG!

Emarle says:
OMG OMG OMG OMG I WILL BE SO HAPI IF I GET CHANGD

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
FORM CLASS!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
OMG! IT WILL BE SO AWESOME! AWW, MR PETERSON IS SO NICE ANDD OMGGG! BUT POOR MR. BARRET!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
HE’LL BE SO SAD TO LOOSE YOU, EMARLE

Emarle says:
Nah he won’t I hafta ta sae heaps of mature things to Mrs. Matthews how does this sound:

Emarle says:
I feel that my current form teacher and I have a communication problem, as in when he asks me questions I find it really hard to understand how he wants me to answer and when I tell him things I don’t feel as if ive been understood. Also I just feel much happier in the atmosphere of the other class I sometimes go to and I just know that being in that different atmosphere would me much*

Emarle says:
More motivated to participate in house events…

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
“More motivated to participate in house event”… hahahahaha! Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrreeee! Nah, that sounds really good! Really formal. Hehhh. Aww, Hopefully she’ll let you! Aww, BUT SCOTT! IT WILL BE LIKE HELL HAS HIT OR SOMETHING> HE’LL PANIC WHEN HE FINDS OUT!

Emarle says:
Nah, I won’t be mean ta him.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Hah. If you say so 

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I <3 your friends quotes on bebo!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I found one just before. I’ll get it. Hold Up.

Emarle says:
Well ill try, mind u im trying at the moment bt sumtimez it just to tempting to stroke his leg.

Emarle says:
Awesome

Emarle says:
brb im just recording a nutha song.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
His legs are very sexy. All the hair makes it all the more sexy. I mean, his hair is so long and so black, your white fingers almost get lost amongst it all.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Okay. And the quote:

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Joey: But I-I-I can’t stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I’m supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Chandler: So when you said ‘get up early’ did you mean 1986?

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
And I found another one:

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Rachel: What if she jumped out the bassinet?
Ross: Can’t hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out.
Rachel: Oh my god, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together okay?
Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven’t cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if theres a window a bird could fly in there.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you’re right. I think… listen, listen!
Rachel:Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeons. No, no wait, no, no an eagle flew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty birds aid. The eagle however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in it talons.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirl pool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: Boy are gonna be sorry if that’s true.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Shit that’s long. Haha.

Emarle says:
Yea I lovd that one

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
So many memories! Haha. Did you watch it tonight?

Emarle says:
Yea I hve tht episode on DVD so I watchd tht so there were no ads.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Cool as. Why weren’t you at school today, huh?

Emarle says:
I was having an ugly day, I wntd to record sum more songs, I had homework, um culdn b botherd going ta skool.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Oh, what good reasons. An Ugly Day? Haha, Emily! No such thing exists for you. Gosh!

Emarle says:
PFFT
PFFT PFFT

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
You know it’s true!

Emarle says:
Mayb… bt I felt lyk it was

Emarle says:
Bt thanks.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
 Haha. My mum wouldn’t let me of! You’re lucky as.

Emarle says:
Well mum was guna b late 4 work ‘HURRY UP GET IN THE CAR’ she yells ‘I don’t wana go’ I moan. ‘oh fine stay home don’t make a mess’ she said kinda angrily nd left.

Emarle says:
She rings me at half past 9 ‘ I think you should straighten your hair nd get to school asap’ nd I just say ‘nah I have to much homework to do’

Emarle says:
Plus I was like crying at random things. OMG I watchd this SPECTACULAR video of circle of life nd I had tears n my eyes.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Haha. Aww, was it a DVD day with noodles and popcorn? Hehhh. CIRCLE OF LIFE! AWW YAY!

Emarle says:
Nah on youtube but there was noodles and popcorn.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
The last thing that made me cry was McLeod’s Daughters. Hahaha.

Emarle says:
Ill put it as my bebo flash it was such a beautiful video.

Emarle says:
Haha wat hpnt?

Emarle says:
Lol ur comment about mi comment bowt ur album was so funi.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Do it now! I want to see it. Yayyy! Aww, youtube is so awesome. I watch all my friends stuff on there. And MCLEOD’S! And some music video’s!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Um, not much. It just makes me cry at the end of each show because I know I have to wait another whole week to see it again.

Emarle says:
Tht is so sad.

Emarle says:
K itl b on in a sec

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Haha. DON’T DISRESPECT MY LIFE. GOSH. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. MCLEOD’S IS ALL I HANG ONTO>

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Haha. I’m not THAT sad!… I think. Hah. Kidding. I’m looking at quotes at the moment .

Emarle says:
1 minute I hafta find it agen as I 4got ta favrite it

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Okay! You didn’t miss out on much at school today. Scotty was sitting by himself at lunch. He was look at his maths book. Hah.

Emarle says:
Aww wt hapnd ta his supposed friends Dawson nd David?

Emarle says:
Found it!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
They were in the elctronics room. Again. He didn’t run away from Cara and me! I wonder why! I doubt it has nething to du wif the fact you weren’t there! And we were laughing at Megan. Some guys were being dicks to her. It was funny as.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Kay, I’ll go to your bebo.

Emarle says:
Haha

Emarle says:
Its not up yet bt will b in 5 seconds.

Emarle says:
K um I suggest wen u watch it tht u pt it on mute nd dnt look at it till its all loaded tht wae it more… betr.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
AND GET THOSE FORMTIME PICTURES OFF THE INTERNET!!

Emarle says:
Haha… nope never.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Okay. 

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I hate you. Haha.

Emarle says:
Hate you too hun.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Bitch. Slutty whore. GOOSE. Haha. I suck at insults.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Is it on your page yet?

Emarle:
NOW IT IS OK?

Emarle says:
Omg tht goose reminded of Siobhan and her awesome jokes.

Emarle says:
‘hairy moose’ ‘handicapped ox’ ‘mooshie mooshie’

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Siobhan’s jokes are just the best. I mean, everyone can understand them. NOT RANDOM AT ALL.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
They are all so funny.

Emarle says:
Oh I know, and im always in just the mood to hear them

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I die from laughter everytime she hits me with the ‘hairy moose’ joke. Oh everytime.

Emarle says:
Haha on nd ‘Siobhan loves cheese’ ‘lets eat cheese’
Ew, god yes. It’s like does she have ANY logic AT ALL? Any sense?

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:

Emarle says:
Oh nd ‘Siobhans guna win Daniel!’

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I’m watching the video.

Emarle says:
It’s so annoying she is obsessed with him ‘there he is with logie, LOOK AT HIS ASS’

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
With chocolate and letters.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Oh all the way. Siobhan 4 Daniel 4 eva. Totally.

Emarle says:
Grrr….. I just don’t get girls hu become lyk obsessed with guys.

Emarle says:
I don’t think he likes her back, I just get the feeling, there arnt ne vibes btween them.
-giggles- “OMG! HIS ARSE! ITS SO CUTE! IT’S LIKE, SERIOUSLY, THE BEST ASS EVER.”

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:

Emarle says:
Haha

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
And then she’s all like “Oh, I’ve just realised. I’m more obsessed with Daniel than you are Jimmy. Hahah. That’s SO hard to beat.” I’m like… oh, well, BITCH, FOR YOUR INFORMATION I AM NOT OBSESSED.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
No vibes! Haha. Not like yours nd Dawson’s vibes. Nah its ok I know u don’t lyk him.

Emarle says:
Nd then crystal told u 2 bt nt me, prbly cos Siobhan told her nt ta tell me bcos im ‘such a gossip’ Wateva, I kinda was at the start of the year cos I was doin this hole outgoing thing but nt nemore ae.

Emarle says:
Nah u aint obsessed wit jimmy. I dun c u givin him chocolate nd sayin tht ur guna ‘win’

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Oh no, Emily. I so totally am. I’ve brought him three blocks of chocolates this week. And omg, I’ve been writing him letters. And WE’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED. OMG

That’s just not normal!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Nah, Siobhan told Crystal not to tell anyone. I’m sure she didn’t mean you in particular.

Emarle says:
Nah well Siobhan gives Daniel vibes, bt he aint givn ne ta hur as far as I cn c.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I’m watching the video again! Its so gorgeous.

Emarle says:
Beta nt of

Emarle says:
Lol

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Daniel likes someone from his youth group.

Emarle says:
Really aww cute

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
So Siobhan is out of luck, but she doesn’t know! I’m not saying nething.

Emarle says:
The hole obsession thing is reaaaaaaaaaaaaly unattractive.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Like, kay, if you’re obsessed, it’s such a big turn off for a guy. They can see you’re obsessed and they like… want to run away or something. Hah.

Emarle says:
Mmm totally.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
But Siobhan has kinda always been like that. I dunno, aye.

Emarle says:
… There’s more to see than can ever be seen’ that wen I startd crying cos it just reminded me of how important travelin is to me, nd I wana c as much as I can yet I know I can never c everything.

Emarle says:
Yea she gets obsessed with stuff.

Emarle says:
omg you know how I tld yu bowt evil cousin nd Whetu’s hole ‘I didn’t cheat on Emily I neva wud’ ‘hur bein drunk is no xcuse thing’ well…

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
When I watched it as a little girl, I used to cry when the baboon put that stuff over sambas head as a baby. And then when he raised him in the air. I always thought he was going to drop little Simba. Haha.

Emarle says:
Awww cute.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Yeah…

Emarle says:
… he asked me y I cheated on him nd I sed I didn’t know bt iv kinda realised nw.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Why? He’s being so stupid about it all. I want to hit him. Or cut his hair off or something.

Emarle says:
U knw hw there c b lyk funni drunk, angry drunk etc. well I got upset drunk nd I startd thinking bowt him nd getting upset lyk ‘oh it’s nt working, it never will’ crap lyk tht nd jess came ova lyk wats rong nd I just kissed him cos u do stupid things u know, no judgement, nd he pushed me of afta lyk a few seconds saying ‘oh uve gt a boyfriend I know u love him’ bt I convinced him it was ok, bt nt much more than that even hpnt. I think Whetu think I had sex with him which is y I think he got so made, because it seems like I have sex with everyone xcept him, the one I actually love.

Emarle says:
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA that is the funniest thing ever!!! Cut his hair!!

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Girl, it was his own fault! Whetu was doing, like, nothing. A GIRL HAS NEEDS. Haha. Got that from friends. Sorry. And like, why is he bringing it all up now? It’s over. You broke it off. Like, when you break up with someone, you end it. The end. Goodbye. Haha. He’s blaming Cara because he doesn’t want to blame himself. He’s being a prick. Go cut his hair. Haha.

Emarle says:
I so agree, like fuck ok he didn’t even come to lyk my birthday or Roberts house or ANYWHERE. Nd lyk 4 weeks afta we break up he brings it all up agen. IT’S OVER, im seriously over him. I neva thort I wud b bt I soo am.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Have you thought about telling him exactly how you feel? Like you no longer care. You want to move on, right? Ackk. Boys. I want to shoot them.

Emarle says:
The only thing I regret is dat I made him believe I didn’t like him very much, bt I loved him seriously I did.

Emarle says:
Well, if it came up, I definitely wud bt lyk I said its ova theres no need to analyze everything now.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I know, I believe you did. And it’s so unfortunate that he made a repeat out of last year when you two went out. You guys would still be going out if he had’ve pulled his weight, ya know? It’s so hard! I had no idea, Emily. You’re in a relationship with someone you love and he loves you back and you both act as if you hardly like each other. It’s so silly. But girl, your better of without him.

Emarle says:
Plus I pretty muc invented our hole relationship. Last year when I was living at geoffs, I told myself tht I was going through this really tough time nd that he was lyk always there 4 me thru tht time nd I made up tht we lyk understood each ova, lyk evn tho we didn’t say evrythin we knew, which kinda was true bt nd I told myself all this kinda thing, like that we had this really, really special thing…

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
Awww, Emily. I’m so sorry.

Emarle says:
yea ur so right.

Bex. <3. I get false hopes that you love me, and give false signs that I don’t love you says:
I understand how you feel. But you know, you got through it. I want to hug you right now. Hahaha. Your gorgeous , girl. There is someone out there waiting for you and he will be HOT! And RICH. And he’s going to love you to bits, and actually show it! And Haha. Whetu’s can just go…run away and cute of their hair. Haha

Emarle says:
Haha yea, well I hafta go cos my mums home so bye.

All Stars of Hip Hop and R&B case – disk 2 not included.
The never before read owners manual for my stereo/alarm clock
Photo of me modelling at the hairdressing competitions.
A hair tie
A beautiful gold necklace that my dad brought when he was in India. I must get to India some day. Well, at some stage in my life I’ve decided im going there to do aid work for about 3 months. I want to do it in Africa and Peru too. I went on the website for some agency (I can no longer remember the name) and you pay a certain amount, plus airfares, shots etc and you can go to heaps of different places to do aids work and it’s a great way to travel, and such a rewarding, life-changing experience.
The Destinies Child CD case.
School timetable.
Photo of my class in 1999. I had the most hilarious bowl cut. It finished just below my chin and it was the perfect bowl shape. I have really really thick hair which made it even worse because the outside of the ‘bowl’ on top of my head appears to be 8 centimetres away from my face and my face, looks the size of an old 5 cent coin. Speaking of the new coins, I really don’t like them. I think it seems really tacky having the 10 cent coins bronze. And 5-cent coins were annoying, but I just always got rid of them by depositing them into the donation boxes for various charities but now all the coins appear so small I end up donating my 10, 20 and 50 cent coins which adds up a lot faster. So before I begin regretting the money I end up losing, I can at least remind myself I have done something generous.
Crystacide, oh yeah. I had to use it when had this absolutely hideous, self-esteem damaging, pimple turned scab turned very faint scar on my chin.
A tiny die
An empty bottle of Daylong Sunblock. My mum just brought a new bottle a few days ago; it’s in the bathroom. I’ve finally realised that I cannot tan naturally and that I do not want to get burnt so this sunblock is a miracle to me because I can just put it on in the morning before I go out and I don’t have to apply it again, saving myself the embarrassment of putting on sunblock in front of everyone.
The felt stick/tube from inside a brown felt pen.
1 dangly earring.
L’OREAL moisturiser. 1 of 3 parts to a skin care kit I brought with intentions of using daily but never used. I now go back to it every once in a while thinking ‘I really will start using it every day now’ but I use it for about 2 days and then I forget.
A lolly wrapper.
Well it’s interesting what you find when you clean your room. I also got to go through my ‘memory book’ and reorganise it. It’s a huge ringbinder and I put my old school reports and letters from my friends into it. I’ll probably show you some one time. But for now I have to go because my stepdad is coming round to pick me up to go to his house so that he can drive me to the airport tomorrow morning. Oh god, that whole stepdad thing is a story in itself. Trust me, I don’t have the time to explain it right now, so maybe later.