i’m so glad it “touched”: you!
Lyrics / Scatter my ashes in Overtown
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown,
where the street ridden roam
and the shit hits the ground
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown,
where i walked with the dead
who were wont to lay down
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown,
let me drift with the ghosts
and the dust from the ground
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown
where the tic’s miles from toc and the wages weight’s
what moves the clock
When i hear the sirens song…
St.pete and i,we meet at dawn.
An absolution from on high,
he slips to me with furtive eye.
The slouching legoins,living dead
in liquid gold, a burst of red
We’re truly now without a past.
Alone we are!Alone at last!
Scatter my ashes in Overtown,
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Ravenn reviewed Version 2 -
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Hello my old friend – Why you have amuse/entertain as a category is beyond me. But lyrically – lyrically I love it. Your writing is brilliant as always. Imagery he asks. The kind that speaks to me and moves me in ways that only this type of writing can. The dead, the ashes, the Catholic overtures, St. Pete – thank goodness he knew enough to kick you down to hell – goodness knows I’d be lonely without you – it all works wonderfully. And with my imagination, it plays like a beautiful vivid scene.
You already know it needs polishing and cleaning up – complete it. You let far too many pieces that are wonderful never see the light of day. Or should I say dark? No, I like the dark, you like the light – I was right the first time ;)
Dark feathery greetings,
Ravenn
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caerberu reviewed Version 2 -
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where the tic’s miles from toc and the wages weight’s
what’s with the extra phrase ‘and the wages weight’s?
Anyway, it sounds good. Ignoring the punctuations and all. The pace is light, the cadence is light, it makes me want to go tap my feet to an imaginary beat already in my head.
The sad tinge to it somehow mixes well with pace.
MortalAngel reviewed Version 2 -
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“where the tic’s miles from toc and the wages weight’s
what moves the clock” was my favorite line in this. I think there needs to be some smoothing of rough spots in this though. I can’t find the right words to explain it. I think there are some spots that I just couldn’t find the rhythm for. That’s probably it. It seems like a rough spot to me and I’m not sure if it’s me or the poem. Sorry I can’t be of more help, but I do like these. Thanks for the post.
paigemc reviewed Version 2 -
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Don’t usually read poetry, but this one tickled me. Brought back thoughts of junior high choir singing “Street of Laredo,” and a slightly wilder college life.
artofstocks reviewed Version 2 -
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I tried to sing it while reading it and it did not sound good while i was singing it because my voice is not for singing.
I did not understand the wages weight.
I liked the way you used Overtown and st peter. I did not understand where st peter came from.
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 2 -
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hi there,
not a bad lyric but i don’t think it will warm anyone hearts…:)i like the idea/as well as the tic’s miles for toc’s/what moves the clock..i also like the lenght of it also/it’s not a 10 minute song!!!...later,jim
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