Poetry / To Turner
You
I have been stealing late nights with
You wasting to nothing though your grip
still strong.
You with that drink by you always;
without you say you would be dead already.
You with stories half believable still
outrageous no one to prove they’re wrong
You with that devil may care grin
joyfully lighting another joint.
Us, fifteen years down to day by day
never miss a beat.
I, will miss you.
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I think “You” is a bit over-used in this. It reads a little chopped up when you say that word so much. Try saying “Death without that drink in your hand” or something to that effect. Work in replacing “You” with other words, just play around with it and experiment a little.
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This poem is rather intriguing. It’s a good start so far. I liked the structure.
Maybe you should add some more detail- why will you miss them? It ends rather mysteriously.
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