thank you for the review. the first ‘ending’ didnt quite give enough resolution for me, so i put in that last paragraph as a flourish, and it turned out to be one of my favorite parts.
Humor/Satire / New Word Order
I am a reader by trade. Reading is in my blood, and it is in my history. My father was a reader, my college degree is in reading, and a man who enjoyed reading killed my father when I was a boy. I am surely equipped with the means and motive to read most anything. And it is to this point that I must address several complaints I have found in my recent readings.
Primarily, there is a shortage of vowels. The reader of English will of course be given to protest, but I plead that you hear me out. Now, I am no francophone, but perhaps you will see my point that a random conglomeration of vowels can evoke the raison d’etre of a piece, or even a single word.
Permit me to give examples:
”Suuuuurge!”. Perhaps you have noticed already that this slogan, taken from a 1990’s era soda commercial, instantly conveys the feel of bathing in a bright yellow colored carbonated beverage, and all the emotions that follow therefrom. It appeals to the deepest and most primordial parts of ourselves, namely that part which has an insatiable lust for sugary drinks. Somebody paid for their child’s college education on the brilliant application of the letter U, I can guarantee.
Another example comes from two equally evocative words: ‘Oooooo’ and ‘Aaaaa’. We are all familiar with these classic expressions, which effect a certain immense sense of desire into a conversation. Are you familiar with their consonant counterparts, ‘Fffffffff’ and ‘Ppppppp’? Unless you are a graduate of Chomsky’s bastard school of Consonant Theory, I surmise that you are not.
Let me end with a final and favorite example: the word ‘Facetious’. A grouping of vowels, but with the sophistication and sense of purpose to not place them all next to each other. Not only this, but it contains every known vowel in the English language, with the exception Y (referred to as the Rogue Vowel by most professional readers). It is commonly used in academic dissertations, high society drinking parties, and important discussions about the future of relationships. Some have even ventured so far as to apply it to my own writing, which is of course absurd.
I would like to finish by saying that, as an agent of the Vowel Society, vowels are among the best tools available to writers working today. Some of you may think otherwise; rest assured that as a professional reader, I know far better than you ever could. If this sounds like am being haughty, it is only because the vowels have empowered me to do so.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
TrevorSamuels reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Interesting take! Very unique story, I can honestly say I’ve never even thought of vowel usage. Good story, easy to follow and understand. Spelling, grammar, punctuation & sentence structure are all excellent. I can’t really critique it though, it works as written. Good job!
- add/view comments (0)
Weaver reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Surge is a radioactive substance, and also causes uncontrollable shapeshifting in certain supernatural creatures – possibly because of the caffeine.
“Some have even ventured so far as to apply it to my own writing…” No! Really? I don’t believe it… :)
I like languages that use certain letters as vowels even though English doesn’t normally recognize them as such. For example, Welsh counts W as a vowel (pronounced as “oo”) in many words. There are even polysylabic surnames in Wales that don’t use English vowels at all. Now, that’s what I call creativity.
infernonews reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Very heady humor, to be sure.
However, you seem to begin with the premise that there are not enough vowels, but fail to offer any examples of new vowels. This direction, it would seem to me, would be ripe with possibility.
That aside, I applaud you in writing to a more educated audience.
metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
There were many very funny lines, especially for such a short essay, but this was my favorite, “It appeals to the deepest and most primordial parts of ourselves, namely that part which has an insatiable lust for sugary drinks.”
Any time you read a joke about a person’s father being murdered, you know you’re reading quality humor.
tstone reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
witty and entertaining. a good quick read. if you’d like to bring Y out of the cold, consider “facetiously.”
regmusty reviewed Version 1 -
Read 50% of the Item
FFFFFF and ppppp the poor cousins of ooooo and aaaaaaaa are used quite frequently in mad magazines, although i dooooo aaaaaagree with uuuuu that we do use way too many vowls.
AstroBoyJ7 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This was a very fun read. I have to say that, ” My father was a reader, my college degree is in reading, and a man who enjoyed reading killed my father when I was a boy.” Made me laugh harder than anything I have read on Urbis in a long time. You have almost an Invader Zim for literary types thing going and I would love to see how this progresses! Keep it up!
MARCH reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I enjoyed reading this. I really liked the part about suurge, it made me laugh. This was funny and some people will probably have to read it twice to understand waht you’re talking. But you managed to make a comedy and vowels and thats what makes this unique.
DCAllen reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Brilliant. This could be 20 pages longer. Very enjoyable reading.
Proofreading notes:
Can one effect something into something? This usage seems odd. infuse?
I do love me some Chomsky. Personally I find consonants more empowering than vowels. Just a personal opinion.
Isn’t it “Ahhhh”?
Have you “finished” the piece twice to be humorous? If so, very nice.
MortalAngel reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Ha, vowels are truly powerful things. They can even change a tone from imformative to haughty! I liked it a lot, you have “sophisticated funny” style here and it’s still hilarious. My favorite line was “Some of you may think otherwise; rest assured that as a professional reader, I know far better than you ever could.” It’s so arrogant!
Showing 1 - 10 of 11
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
11 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 7 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 104 Times
Skipped: 3 Times
Ratings & Rankings
