Thank you, this is great advice!
Cheers!
~RR
Journalism / Societal Integrity in America
The common belief held by most is that integrity is simply living life by the rules; whose rules, I have to wonder. For arguments sake, I will concede that, “the rules,” consist of all of the rules about life (put forth by those whom I will just call society) that are innately good, and when seen living by them, people are considered (by society) to be good people. I will even go one step further to include the unwritten rules, as well as the common sense rules; that should cover them all, and therefore, live by all of those, and there you have it America: Integrity!
No, I don’t think so.
Integrity as society sees it is nothing more than trite garbage. Societal integrity allows for corruption of the most evil kind; it is a corruption that encompasses stealing, and lying, and hurtful deceit. It is supportive of suffering and social negligence. Societal integrity holds up insufferable monopolies in the name of success.
Places like “Big-Mart” and “Books & Rubble” can peddle wares harvested by the hands of children, just to bring a “necessary” savings to the hands of consumers. In this great land of America, we as consumers haven’t cared to learn how to live within reasonable means, and therefore cry out for: ”Lower prices!” And, “give me more for less effort; I demand it, I deserve it!” Right, there is integrity for you; the kind of integrity that bids some to just quit working with any real effort, and put their hands out. There is a man outside my local “Big-Mart” that has admitted as much, and he can attest that if you wait long enough, someone will eventually hand you something
There are more rules to life than those that “society” call “the rules.” Spiritual rules, for instance, have all but been banned from the general population. Rules of strong ethical values have been buried under truckloads of landfills that are piled deeply with foreign plastics and products that formed the junk that we Americans just had to have because it was: On Sale! I can’t wait to see the antiques of this generation! Even now there are antique malls filled with toys and gadgets from the eighties and nineties; it isn’t because they are old enough to be antiques, it is because those things are so poorly made that they won’t even be around fifty years from now.
Integrity is not about “following rules,” and being “good people.” True integrity is about following the rules that aren’t plastered on bumper stickers and billboards. Integrity isn’t what you are doing when a crowd gathers to support a common cause; it is about the things you do when you are alone, and the things that you never tell about. True integrity doesn’t have an audible voice.
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LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 -
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This is more of a rant than actual journalism. I might suggest putting it in the blog section. However, if you really intend to make this a persuasive piece of some sort then it needs quite a bit of work. They way it is now the only people who will get anything out of it are people who already agree with you, others will either be offended or annoyed. You do address some good points and issues in your essay but you don’t do much to back up any of your statements and you don’t offer any suggestions as to how supposed problems may be fixed (it’s one thing to say “this is wrong, it should be fixed” and something else entirely to say “this should be fixed and this is how it can be”). For instance you keep talking about how people shouldn’t scream for “lower prices” but what about people who can’t afford to pay full price for many things? There are plenty of hard-working families that, for one reason or another, are struggling financially and rely on “lower prices” and “savings” to help them out. That’s only one example of a possible counter to your argument, my point in bringing that up is only to show that you need to explain yourself better, offer suggestions, and take opposing views into account so you can address them properly.
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jfmalewitz reviewed Version 1 -
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“The common belief held by most is that integrity is simply living life by the rules; whose rules, I have to wonder. ” This is a pretty good lead. You could cut this up a bit, using a separate sentence and a question mark. But I say leave it. It works.
” I will even go one step further to include the unwritten rules, as well as the common sense rules; that should cover them all, and therefore, live by all of those, and there you have it America: Integrity!” This is an overly complicated sentence, with lots of punctuation. You can do this in journalism, but it makes it harder to read. Clear sentences, clear thoughts backed up by facts instead of opinion, that’s what makes good journalism. But you can write opinions too, they are published in almost every paper. I just feel you are being a bit to creative with your wordplay. I say to keep it simple. Lastly, that sentence reader novel-like, not journalism-like.
“Societal integrity allows for corruption of the most evil kind; it is a corruption that encompasses stealing, and lying, and hurtful deceit.” This is a great line. I am getting a feel for your style by now. It grows on me in a way.
The sentence with “Big Sale” is a bit too long. And I think using a verb prior to a colon is a no-no. Consider just using an M Dash—for effect.
Overall, you really kept me interested, I will say that. This is really a different piece. Not sure I would call it journalism; more essay like, perhaps an opinion piece. But opinions are usually written by editors, so it would be tough to publish. Maybe as a letter to the editor, maybe.
I speak from some low experience, as I worked for two years as a reporter then editor. It’s fun. I hope some of this helped, and hope it didn’t come off as negative. I wish you luck. Thanks for sharing this.
Deanne reviewed Version 1 -
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Your last line got it. I liked the paragraph before it a lot, too. For the rest, integrity is honesty, as you said, when no one sees. But everything else you call by that word you name falsely. You are then talking about the lack of it; I know you are saying that bad folks insist they have it and so that must be what it means, but it becomes your own made-up conflict between you and you, do you see what I mean? No one is going to print it because it is not common for the press etc to call cheating and stealing “integrity.” The developer going to build 5 homes half-way right and then run to Leichtenstein with the money he got for 200 homes may say he is a man of integrity but there won’t be any one agreeing, so your argument is wasting paper and time as it is not sunstantial or “really real.”
Don’t begin with an unprooven statement that most won’t agree with you on: “The common belief held by most is that integrity is simply living life by the rules”. Cite Newsweek polls and 3 other sources that back that up or start with something you know is true (“Integrity is not just living life by the rules. Webster’s defines it as the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards.”)
As for “I will even go one step further to include the unwritten rules”, you already had. You hadn’t excluded them! And forget coining “societal integrity”—means zilch. Society ’s members sometimes profess integrity; some indeed have it, some don’t profess it and don’t have it, even may believe they have it because they don’t answer the phones to their mega-monopoly to hear all the ways their way of conducting business in their favor hurts the poor in manners antithetical to integrity. Those directly responsible for policies that kill and damage innocent brothers and sisters hide behind the sheer numbers in their corporation. They let the widow losing her house cry to a $6-an-hour newbie who’s been working there a week. Very few (their mothers with dementia, maybe)buy into their vision of their integrity so your arguement needs to be retooled to address what we do do, as well as what can be done. You have a good mind and I’ve no doubt that your writing will get sharper and to very good points (unless you’re one of the 100 99-year-olds here). You use good concrete examples. Good luck getting tighter.
DCAllen reviewed Version 1 -
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I agree 100 percent. What this article is missing is the thread/theme of the inaudible voice of integrity that you come up with at the end. If you revise this so that this theme is more distinct, I believe this article could be exceptionally good.
Proofreading notes:
cry out for: ”Lower (no colon)
And, “give (no comma)
hand you something (terminal punctuation missing)
was: On Sale! (no comma)
antiques, it is because (should be a semicolon as in a few sentence below when you use the same construction with a semicolon)
clele75 reviewed Version 1 -
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You concede a general and vague definition of integrity (I feel this as kind of
a straw man) and then take a very specific example of consumers constantly
demanding more (and the monopolies that abide) to show that the general
conception of integrity is “trite garbage.” Then you go on to talk about how
integrity is buried under antique goods. I’m not sure I really find this convincing.
I agree that integrity is an overused and abused term; I was hoping for
an essay that explored this in greater detail without just pointing the
finger at the Wallmarts of the world.
I would definitely rework the first paragraph because the pronouns are sometimes
a bit vague. For starters: “and when people live by them, they are considered
good people” gets rid of the passive voice.
Pogopaws reviewed Version 1 -
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Couldn’t agree more with your POV. In all very good, but there are a couple of things that leap out:
Opening line “Common belief held by most” is redundant. Also that first sentence would be stronger broken into 2 separate sentences.
The opening paragraph could be clearer, cleaner.
3rd and 4th paragraphs are broken oddly. Consider starting 4th with last line of 3rd,it keeps your train of thought together.
”...have because it was: On Sale!” the colon is not needed.
”...have all but been banned from the general population.” better “have been all but banned…”
Keep at it. Excellent start.
quaintfungus reviewed Version 1 -
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I think that the last few points that you make are dead right. The piece it self could use some more research to lend weight to your argument. I happen to believe in what you are saying but I think that the way that you write about it matters. This piece has a little of the ‘rant’ or ‘stream of consious’ about it rather than a calm considered approach that may change more peoples views.
What are the reasons behind the importation of cheap goods?
Can this continue ?
Are there any examples of people living with intergrity. Do the menonites or Amish who seem to exist without such modern trappings have more ‘integrity’.
Has the cult of the individual in society render society morebund?
Razzer123 reviewed Version 1 -
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I agree with everything you’ve said and you put your point across quite forcibly. I like the ending especially which rightly points out that true integrity is not about showing others that you have but being able to live with yourself. Well done – I’d like to see some more.
RoadHousePress reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting read. I do think that Big-Mart and Books&Rubble are more concerned with the profits in their pocket and do not care for those who cannot afford to purchase, the prices are lowered because they sell more and thus make more. A fine line distinction, I know. Otherwise you have written this well and if you tighten it up by reading to see where you can take out anything repetitive, you should have a worthy rant.
Wesley_Carter reviewed Version 1 -
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I like that question what society may see as “integrity”, and I have another idea to offer. Perhaps, beyond what you “do when you are alone, and the things that you never tell about”, integrity is taking these things and standing by them. Integrity is believing in a way of behavior and not being corrupted into changing.
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