Thanks for the review.
Flash Fiction / A Fairy Tale
As I was walking through our woods checking for winter storm damage, I stopped to rest by the little creek at the bottom of the hill. As I sat listening to the quiet, to my surprise, I heard the sound of tiny bells. A soft tinkling barely there. I had to hold my breath to keep from crying out with delight. Sitting atop a wild cabbage leaf, my eyes beheld a lovely creature.So tiny and bright she was, just tying a necklace of miniature bells around her neck.Her hair of spun gold was wet and she wore a gown of jade moss.She stood and shook away the last drops of her bath, and a pair of gossamer wings unfolded.She turned with a sigh and flew into a bright beam of sunlight and was gone.
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matty_j reviewed Version 1 -
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very desciptive.
i liked it quite a bit. i wish you would expand this a bit into a longer piece.
nice work.
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denbatch reviewed Version 1 -
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Short and evocative. Sweet. I was hoping for learning how the narrator felt after she was gone—lonely? nostalgic?
Jacster reviewed Version 1 -
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Overall impression
You’re right. It does exactly what it says on the tin! A Fairy Story!
What I liked
The descriptions you use are effective, e.g. the tiny bells creating the sound of magic/fairies.
The flow of your description of the fairy is particularly strong.
Areas to Consider
It would have been more powerful for me if you told me more about your emotions on seeing the fairy, perhaps created an interaction between the two of you. As an “I saw her, she flew away” story, there isn’t enough emotion created to give me a strong reaction to your fairy story.
I hope you find this review helpful
Best wishes
Jac
LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 -
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Cute images. The writing itself was decent and, despite your warning, there weren’t too many spelling and grammar issues. My only concern is that it gets to be a little too cliche (“hair of spun gold” it’s been done a thousand times). There also isn’t really a story here, just a scene, so this may not be the right category. It’s a cute read, but I would work on it more, especially if you really do want to have it published.
Tragicangel003 reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t see the flash in this. It’s a beautiful story but for the story it is I’d like it to be longer. But you have a beautiful writing style and overall I liked it. I just didn’t see the flash. If I understand flash fiction from what others I’ve read, the story is supposed to take a turn at the end… very abruptly and usually humorous. I don’t see any of that in this but flash fiction may just mean really short huh? Good luck anyway. Keep writing… but next time… take it to the fiction and make it longer yeah?
Korp reviewed Version 1 -
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Some very nice description, but not particularly exceptional as flash fiction.
You start two sentences in a row with the word “as.” Mix things up.
”...quiet, to…”
I don’t like how that sentence is constructed. It sounds awkward.
The_August_Kid reviewed Version 1 -
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Well I wont comment on the punctuation or grammar. Story wise you did make me interested in what was going to happen next. I was eager, reading through the sentneces, wanting to find out what he say. I think there should be a lot more though. Your style is pretty good and I think as a stand alone story, this isn’t all that strong. Maybe if you expanded it, talk about the storm before hand, the character himself, what he saw, and what had happened afterward. Do that, and you may have yourself something someone will be excited to read.
tisthetale reviewed Version 1 -
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jweeble reviewed Version 1 -
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This was a nice little descriptive piece. I like the detail that you used, and the images presented. Ignoring the punctuation – You used ‘As I’ to start the first two lines. You may want to change that. There are a couple sentence fragments that should be fixed (not punctuation – so mentioned). Cute little vignette.
Protagoras reviewed Version 1 -
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...and everyone lived happily ever after.
why not cry out with delight instead?
gown of jade moss < i actually really like that!
it didn’t change my world, but it’s not bad. perhaps you could at least make eye contact with, or interact with, the gossamer-winged glade-flyer?
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