Humor/Satire / A Complicated Thing - Toxic Shopping
Toxic Shopping
(a fragment)
“A Complicated Thing”
1. Int. Night. Indie Nightclub.
Alex and Reebok are standing in a club (The Waterfront) watching their friend Kite’s punk band play to an audience of students and indie kids… They stand, backs to the wall, bottles of beer in hand… They have to talk loudly over the music, occasionally leaning in close to make themselves heard…
Reebok
So… I hear she’s moving in…
Alex
Ahuh…
Reebok
...and that’s a good thing… or a bad thing?
Alex
MMMmmmmumble
Reebok
Aaah.. . a complicated thing… you still like her then?
Alex
mmmmumnble
Reebok
...and I don’t suppose pointing out the old “You know she’s seeing someone already” thing again is gonna help either, right?...
(Alex gives Reebok a look)
Reebok
...or that the said ‘someone’ just happens to be a girl, because we’ve already gone through the bit where I tell you that she likes, capital “L”, girls, capital “G” haven’t we…
(Alex gives Reebok another look this time a little more intense)
Reebok
...I thought not…
(silence for a few beats)
Reebok
So do you think she has any idea how you feel?...
Alex
Reebok, mate, she’s a woman, of course she knows how I feel… She’s just choosing to ignore it… happily toying with my affections like a domestic cat toys with a common shrew, patting the near dead body of my intense feelings from one calloused paw to the other until she becomes bored or more likely distracted by some shiny object and trots off, leaving me broken and traumatised…
(Reebok looks at Alex eyes wide in mock fear)
Alex
...I’m kidding…(looks down at his beer – sigh!)... Oh I don’t know mate… I know what I’m like… I mean when it comes to me bein’ aware of other peoples feelings towards me, especially feelings of romantic intent, I know I’ve usually been pretty blinkered… especially if I’ve been involved myself at the time. . It’s taken me until the other person has grabbed me by the lapels and shouted into my face “Are we going to do it, or what?” before I’ve even had the slightest clue… Even then I’ve usually checked over my shoulder to see if they could’ve been talking to somebody else..,
Reebok
Your point being?
Alex
Well, I guess if she’s as blinkered as me, added to the fact that she’s gay and so isn’t expecting or even interested in romantic attention from my direction… chances are she’s completely oblivious…
Reebok
So chance your arm and tell her…
Alex
She’s gay dumbass…
Reebok
Never say die dude… jus’ tell her…
Alex
What? And lose these incredibly overpowering feelings of total emotional helplessness, romantic martyrdom and classical melancholy… not to mention the sweating, palpitations and nausea every time she brushes past me… Bring all this to an end by telling her how I feel?... Are you insane?... Besides I’m getting kinda used to moping around in my jogging bottoms watching ‘Some Kind of Wonderful’ every other night of the week… It’s character building… or soul destroying, I forget which…
Reebok
You know your actually thirty this coming August?
Alex
I know, I know, I know…
..............
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This 26 word review has not been unlocked.
It’s hard trying to review a graphic novel without the graphics, but I can kind of picture the scene here based on the strength of your dialogue. My only criticism would be that this doesn’t really seem to go anywhere, I’m not sure if thats just because this is a segment of a longer piece or not though. I’m curious to have a better understanding of the whole concept behind ‘Toxic Shoppping’ just so I can gauge where this would fit in…
Maybe graphic novels is something Urbis could branch out to encompass?
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I wasn’t really with you until near the end. The ending, the rant about not wanting to give up all these helpless feelings, is BRILLIANT and fresh; you could get there a bit more quickly and call this flash drama. Or you could put this in the stage play category.
Proofreading notes:
other peoples feelings = people’s
by the lapels (Is Alex the type of guy to have lapels?)
your actually thirty = you’re
i think the graphics could either make or break this. an interesting idea concerning infatuation and sexual preference. the relationship b/t reebok and alex seems genuine. your graphics would likely work best if very specific. example:
“Alex
What? And lose these incredibly… soul destroying,” = one frame (alex forcefully explaining situation to reebok.)
“I forget which…” = a frame by itself (close-up of alex’s face, comically-serious expression, pondering which case is true.)
- will work well if humor is supported visually w/ every ‘joke’ for added emphasis.
Well done, this is very thorough and complete i don’t know how i could give you any advice you seem to know what you are doing.
A good beginning to a story. Since you haven’t written much, I can’t either, but Alex is initially an engaging character, but I can warn you not to let Alex stray too far into the guy-who-is-bad-with-girls archetype, it’s rarely realistic.
Oh man, that’s great. Alex’s last long speech is me to a tee. Also my name is Alex, so you get double points for that one. there were a couple spelling issues, but nothing big at all. look forward to reading more
I take it as dry humor which can be funny if written well. Maybe a little more emphasis on the sarcasm. I want to read more though
Well, again, clear and well written, but not much happens.
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