Poetry / Love Is..

A very sweet poem! Second stanza “Tending to act unreal” is awkward, and you may be stretching too far for a rhyme in a few places. Last stanza needs to be reworked, but you have some sweet spots too. Good write!

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February 03, 2008

by DInfamousPoet

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18	M	Waterbury, CT	May 14

Thanks! Certainly frustrated while trying to edit, and did stretch for the rhyme scheme.

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i think you’ve got a great start here. especailly the first stanza. love and what is love are well known universal themes so be careful and avoid cliches. i think you want to try to reword the last line in stanza 3, it doesnt seem to fit the way its written. keep up the writting

Technically, I’d suggest that you use proper capitalization.  You do not have to capitalize every first letter of each line.

So far, so good.  I like the pace, it flows smoothly.  I’m looking forward to you finishing this piece.

Best regards!
Oliver

I would move the last line to the first.  From there I would work on omitting the unneccessary words and repetitive ‘loves’ so that the reader can really engage themselves in the discovery of the question.
Just an example:
Love is…?
a misunderstanding
misjudged by a kiss…
avoid cliches like ‘love is a mystery’...they are old and tired and don’t really allow the poem to be unique.

Ah, the inconceivable question you’ll hear along your travels… “Love is…?”  This could be answered quite simply.  Love is what you perceive it to be.  However, this potent emotion can’t be defined.  There are many forms of love bestowed among others.  Love is a deep friendship, a bond so strong that nothing can pierce through it.  Often some become confused between love and lust.  Within your piece, you’ve described your perception of what “love” is, but it goes beyond that.  Love is a complicated emotion to write about because there are endless amounts of works about it.  Therefore, it turns into a sort of cliche.

_{Soren*Moonshire}    

Your poem was indecisive. The end of “Love is…?” jsut isn’t a good oe couldn;t you have it be “Love is unknow” or jsut some kind of ending phrase. I liked the descriptions but I dont like the last line of each stanza it personifies love ina confusing way.

This has a lot of potential. If you rework this and pare down some of the stanzas, leaving only the essence of each line, I think your poem will work very well.  The last stanza is probably your best.

What I mean by paring down:

misunderstood,
misjudged by a kiss.
[by taking out the extra words, you make more impact with each one left.]

Maybe last stanza –
Love plays as a toy,
And is toyed with itself,
And sometimes,
love is just simply forgot.

Good start.

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February 02, 2008

by jweeble

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39	F	Falls Creek, PA	February 18

Hey – like the end on version 3. :)

February 02, 2008

by DInfamousPoet

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18	M	Waterbury, CT	May 14

thanks ya ;)

February 02, 2008

by jweeble

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39	F	Falls Creek, PA	February 18

np! anytime.

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I like that you are attempting to write a poem to try and define love. What I suggest is that you try to make this poem about what you yourself think love really is. Try and use more concrete images because right now this poem is all words and nothing is taking hold. Other than that I like the concept.

i wish i was poetic as you are when i was 17,or even now.i am no expert on poetry but one thing i hate is an abundance of the staples of the poetry diet.dont use words like soul,love,heart more than once .your take on love is probably alot closer to the truism than many of us older people.