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mek989's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Columbia, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 31
LOC: Columbia, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 31
I like the way you move.
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You say you love me and only me, and then meet other women in smoky hotel bars. I find numbers on business cards traced with red lipstick smears- shades of red I would never, ever wear. Your collar reeks of perfume when you kiss me the next morning. Perfume that I know must belong to a beauty (flawlessly model thin, the way you like) who must wish that you were still there. But you're here, aren't you? And your kiss is sweet and slow, so I close my eyes and imagine that last night, you were w...
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smoke drips out of her mouth and tiptoes along the frays in my carpet splashes against the walls like lead-based paint that i didn't think they sold anymore but it's such a nice shade of yellow that i don't think i'll wash it tommorow
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And she was fidgeting pacing back and forth because the china didn't match the tablecloth and the spoons weren't clean because someone didn't wash them in time for his mother's visit. And she was restless because her dress made her gain five pounds and she couldn't light a cigarette because the smell would linger and his mother would think that not only was she fat and improper but unfit for his children--- and all she could do was wash the spoons and remember to suck in her stomach just to k...
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You know, I would be terrible at Wheel of Fortune. I can just picture myself there on the soundstage, situated between William, and his larger than life glasses sliding down his nose, and Bonnie, a florist from Washington DC with a cameltoe that you would die for. Between William buzzing in incessantly, probably much like his sex life, and Bonnie picking at her spandex, I would never find the energy to buzz in the right answer. During commercial breaks I would fake a bothering contact lens, a...
Version 1
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"My daughter grabs a handful of daisies and holds them up to me. 'Look!' She exclaims, and shoves them into my face. 'How beautiful! Are they for me?' 'No. They're for daddy.' 'Why does daddy get all of the flowers?' 'Because he deserves them.' 'He does?' 'He said you were a bad mommy.' 'He did?' 'Yes. What did you do?' 'Why, I didn't do anything, Jenny.' 'But, daddy said...' 'Your daddy was just kidding.' 'Bad mommy! Bad mommy! I have the worst mommy in the world!' And then she giggles and ...
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I completely agree with this information. I have to say that I've studied creative writing for four years now at my university and still, still I need someone to tell me these kinds of things. The best kinds of teachers are the one that function much like your chapters, here: they give you this kind of advice but they say, "yeah, it sucks, but this is what happens." Thanks. A lot.
This is interesting. I think that this is a very nice take on humor itself, for taking things with a grain of salt (as to say); however, one line that threw me off was "deadly struggle for position". I think that is beacause I don't quite know what it's doing here-- "deadly struggle" doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, the diction is distracting because the words are too choppy and thus, don't fit well together. I think that if you changed this line and maybe the line after it, you can help th...
I have to say that this was touching as the words WANT it to be. However, even though I may be touched by this (in a small way, as this is a small poem; a moment, if you will) I can say that I want to see MORE. I say more not in a bad way, but I think that you can flush this idea out. Problematic: you have more than one idea working here. First, the idea of safety (obviously, there's a power here trying to "hide" the speaker). And second, there's the idea of lust that resides in the blackberr...
I thought that this was immensely clever, but I do think that it needs to be polished. Namely, in the grammatical aspect. Even in the beginning, the use of commas needs to be severly scrutinized. Also, I have no idea why the ' is used instead of the ". This could be simply a transferring error. Some other things that need work are the uses of tense. While you remain in present for the majority of the piece, sometimes you slip into past; this isn't hard to fix, but I did have a suggestion, as ...
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