meljoy's profile
AGE:
34
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LAST LOGIN: April 04
I’m a 31 year old artist, “sortof” writer, horse trainer & mom. I live in Missoula, MT and love the mountains, but I don’t write about them…..
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Version 1
1 Review
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standing slowly, rising higher to reach the full height of the life drawn upon your soul with a leaky fluorescent highlighter; the dripping ink flows to the base of your humanity with devastating recoil; tsunami strength waves of horror as actualization is realized and it is seen that nothing is real.
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
it flitters silent across the mind an insignificant thought lands behind a sleeping id slowly begins to sprout twitching consciousness buds winding tendrils wrap all reason prisoner to their grasp no thought can pass without regard from constant unyielding eyes unsleeping watch of wild daisies in an over-grown garden of shame weed and hoe to no avail the blossoms spread quite quickly deep roots unearth buried memories the cortex is corrupted obsession’s scent sickly sweet lures with false hop...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
on the wall are dreams i've had framed in wood and behind glass some you'll find are lovely and bright others dark and cheerless every one magnificent like a gem polished under light look at these dreams and they disappear to think of them they become vivid as noon day sun but they are not for your eyes they are here for me
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
I was alive that is for certain. I remember it like yesterday. Was it yesterday? Days seem weeks, weeks seem years. I was happy. I think I remember... Do you know me? You look familiar, but maybe you're just a ghost.
Version 1
6 Reviews
1 Comment
Wrathful mourners storm the cathedral; raving obscenities gush from their lips. Palms raised high to the stained glass heavens searching for their savior. "God!" They shout, "Come out, come out!" Nothing is hidden, but blind are the eyes of the hideously unfaithful. An alter overtuned in frantic haste, the vulgar pilgrims startle clouds of doves ascending from the pavement. Yet, the peace has not been broken. It perches like Christ on the Cross waiting patiently to be noticed. Piteous goodbye...
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Reviews
I feel that this poem is running in circles. I feel like you're trying to portray an negetive corporate/American view, but I think it sounds a little dry. I need to see more discriptive lines- more show not tell.
I really like the imagry and flow of most of this poem. "Though perfect pain has born me to this place, and lonliness has set its seed" loses me. It seems as though you know and possibly live with this woman, but there is some unnamed pain. Maybe you could elaborate here. Otherwise, it's a very beautiful work.
I think, with a little editing (capitals and paragraphs), this is near perfect. I think it's more a political opinion piece than a poem, but for what it is, it's very good. It's well worded and you have outlined some good points.
this doesn't seem to have much conviction behind it. maybe you could describe how or why she left. maybe you could describe the "anaesthetic state of mind". and i don't quite understand what you mean by "these walls are jumping me".
i like the vindication feeling of this poem. there are definitly strong emotions here. i feel that this would make a good lyric set.
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