I liked the rhythm and most of the rhyming words. There are misspelled words like: leting, should be letting. And wernt, should be weren't, wasnt: wasn't, etc. Also June and July should be Capitalized. Just needs a little polishing! CAT

I was pulled in right away and was left hanging, when I got to the end! Really good plot and I think it feels 'right' just the way you wrote it, with the 'blogs' intermediately through out the story. One thing I noticed, especially at the beginning is using the word 'that' to often. If you read through your sentences you'll find that you don't even need the word. I have the same tendency to use 'that' way to often! There are also places you left words out, example: If she started going mad, s...

So true, but not always. Very thought provoking. CAT

Well written and intriguing. There are a few things I would change: 1.Once her discomfiture eased, her eyes....(I would change discomfiture to discomfort. It's easier to understand IMO.) 2.She is not naïve, nor is she is she moving ahead...(Repeated yourself in this one) 3.(these three sentence about Ari should be brought together in just one or two sentences): Still, she belonged with Ari. He didn’t like the idea that Ari was going to be hurt. He knew how much Ari loved his sister. I've read...

Really well written! Good descriptions and a captive story line. Can't wait to read more. CAT

This is great! I read another chapter of this and was thrilled to read the beginning. You write with clarity and good descriptions of the characters and their surroundings. I was drawn in right away and would love to have this entire book in my collection. CAT

This was really good. You let the reader feel the hurt and emotions that these two young girls were feeling. The characters were believable and it was easy to 'see' how these poor people lived, by the way you described their house and surrounding area. There was a warm 'down home' feeling that reminded me of a slightly trashier side of the Waltons. Good story! CAT

Wow, this is great! Very moving and sensual at the same time. Erotic, but not crude in anyway. The only thing I would change is to leave the word, 'even' out of this stanza: 'without ever even being inside' It seems to flow better that way. This is something every woman would love to read and imagine it's written by 'her man'! CAT

Awesome, as usual! I love the way Adam and Jeff 'click', even if it's gruesome! I would have to re-read the whole story to see if this fits in properly here, but is 'seems' right. Oh, and I loved 'the perverts' comment! There is some editing that needs done, but nothing beyond that. Can't wait for the next installment! CAT

Aside from a few spelling errors and capitalization mistakes it's not bad. But for a prologue it doesn't have enough suspense to lead into a crime thriller story. It almost seems like an ending when the police go to open the trunk. There's no clear story line to who the book is going to be about. Since the 'victim' is already going to be rescued, the 'perp' is in the police car and the other bank robber is dead. I would shorten the prologue and give the reader something to 'wonder' about inst...