The second line seems like a place-holder to maintain the rhyme, and nothing else, as it doesn't really make sense in the context of the poem. I would suggest using "A dreaming head" or somesuch. It maintains the rhyme, and simultaneously sets the reader up for lines 5 and 6, which I assume are a dream image, given the mention of a bed in line 4. "Coated" seems to be a weak word for the image you're creating, as it's a mundane physical descriptor, and gives little insight as the the nature of...

The sentence "the boy talked non-stop when you got him going" didn't seem like it fit. The "voice" of the omniscient PoV is usually silent, and as you've been describing him talking non-stop, the extra explanation jarred me. The way Carl carefully planned to have Rob's stay with him seem accidental was as perfect as all of your descriptions of Carl's behavior. The tip of his penis poking out of his shorts is one of those superb details that really stands out. The "innocent" physical touching...

I realize that it is Carl's point of view, but the phrase "loose cannon" seems too violent and martial to really apply to Rob. The way you use unpleasant (even mildly disgusting) sensory similes to describe the second sex act with Carl is wonderful. It's a nicely subtle way of letting the reader know that Rod is maybe not-quite-OK with the situation any more. As much as I like it when you give the characters more depth, I really liked the reminder that Brandon is a little bastard :) Given tha...

Just a niggle, but with Rod's feet nailed to the stage, I don't think that "turning around" is descriptive enough. I'd think "twisted around" or something else that describes the action better would work better. "...pink meaty part..." I think with the use of the word "part" here you're avoiding the use of the word "flesh" twice in such short space... but maybe "viscera" or another word would be more descriptive. Also, should it have a comma between adjectives? I would have liked to see Carl'...

"...closed your door back..." This would read more naturally if you left off the word "back" or maybe replaced it with "again." When you reveal that Brandon is not the killer, the scene could have had more impact if another character had actually suspected that Brandon could have been the killer. I could be remembering things wrong, but I remember that Rod had a sort of naive trust in Brandon, despite the fact that Brandon was acting suspiciously, and Rod was the only character to know about ...

I thought the phallic microphone metaphor was very well executed. Cathy's response to it was also very interesting, as it helped to show that Carl has perpetrated before. I'm surprised we haven't seen Cathy more. I like the wry humor that you display through her. In particular the physical stereotyping of Altos vs. Sopranos was pretty good stuff. When Cathy called Rod "savior boy" I was a little surprised, as Rod's been keeping his idea that he's the second coming a secret. If she was talking...

I really like Frank's "voice" when he's speaking to the church: blunt and unapologetic. The fact that he is resolute that a Christian couldn't have done a horrible thing in the face of evidence to the contrary reeks of verisimilitude as well. The note that many of the audience did not believe that Rod was singing was a nice one too. Communities like this often cannot accept excellence as much as they cannot accept the idea that one of their own would be guilty of wrong-doing (unless it's some...

The second paragraph's description of Caroline's voice was a perfect way to set the scene. You described the surroundings and her hushed voice all in one elegant sentence, which was brilliant. Mentioning the Devil on the landing reminds me both of that aspect of Rod's dreams, and the Witch in the door... but you haven't really made either of those spooks into an ongoing plot element... and they seemed to have some importance to Rod at the beginning of the story, even affecting him so much tha...

I think that "she really....carrying things" would be better attached to the list of reasons why Cheryl wanted Rod to go grocery shopping, then "Cheryl left at ten thirty" would be its own sentence. Is "woodrain witch" supposed to be "woodgrain?" It may just be a personal peeve, but attaching sound modifiers to the word "silence" bugs me. I guess it's all poetical... Rod asking "who died" seemed wrong to me. Since the radio had announced that the body of Jillian had been found in her family's...

This is wonderful!! I love furries, and I really want to read this!