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mindsdevolve's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Westminster, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 05
LOC: Westminster, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 05
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Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
5 Comments
You miss me I know you do Just say hello And I will too We can sit and be silent Stare out at the grass Talk art and politics Sip tea and Laugh at ourselves this time and our silly situation Stay only as long as you like I'll be your host whose courtesy and honesty Is greater than most And who will get you home on time Until you want to see me again And then just say hello And I will too
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
like the broken skin of a pimple, left to bleed, then scab--the scarring reminder of the satisfaction and regret of doing something self destructive.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
4 Comments
Second by second You linger Lurk And leer Keep yourself close to torture Each second's sensation Confused for an hour And each hour for a day every word Every laugh Every look translates to territory lost And the thought of your own control in retreat Digs at you Cuts you lightly So light that the action Isn't even noticeable but The sting drives you crazy Deprived of self love your mind denigrates And takes another step Backwards And all the while Your heart or your throat Builds a blockage ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
4 Reviews
4 Comments
I am in a funk A post 4 day Tegan and Sara Adventure with Chelsea FUNK Or really, it's 4 day sleeping Next to her Cuddled up against her curves And holding her tightly Smiling at her brightly Funk It's that mood And brood Of sitting or lying Around and doing all the things I normally do But looking left or right And feeling her missing like brushing my teeth And no one is hogging the sink putting on makeup Asking me to wait before I spit Funk confusion and delusion In trying to remember Lost ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
10 Reviews
6 Comments
second by second you linger lurk and leer keep yourself close to torture each second's sensation confused for an hour and an hour for a perceived day each word each laugh each look translates to territory lost and the thought of your own control in retreat digs at you cuts you lightly ever so slightly that the action individually isn't even noticeable but the sting lingers it smiles at you brightly and that tugs at your sanity deprived of self love your mind denigrates yourself and them and t...
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Reviews
The subject matter could be much more interesting if you had a more varied sentence structure throughout the short story. The descriptions of the first two pages were enough to lose interest. Everything is in present tense and that gets annoying when coupled with "Jane does this" type of sentence structure. "He walks to the store. Then he buys a newspaper." Compare that with, "On his stroll over to the local bakery, he decides to peruse the morning headlines." Big difference. There is a time ...
I like the play between the camera's eye and eyeful both in print and in the physical sense. I did wish it were longer though.
The longing and sadness is very apparent here. I especially like how you've broken everything up in short lines. That's my favorite type of format so maybe I'm biased. Thanks for sharing.
I love it! It's comical and relevant. And I certainly relate. I have enough dough but do not feel that it's worth it. It seems almost ridiculous to charge people to review the works of others and to receive reviews "at a discount". Anyway, bravo. Thanks for sharing this one.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
The deep sadness and shame really are apparent in reading this piece. It evokes strong emotions. "See you, mouthing/disgusting." Those are two very powerful lines. I did wish it were longer though. It seemed to end abruptly when I wanted more.
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